“Jason never had a show on The CW.”

Can actor Jared Padelecki (Supernatural, Paris Hilton’s House of Wax) defeat one Jason Voorhees? We’ll find out next Valentine’s Day the 13th, when Michael Bay’s Platinum Dunes and MTV Films unleash the Friday the 13th remake on hickey’d teens and horror fans still mesmerized by Crystal Lake (my hand is raised). Padelecki will star in the lead role as an investigator who visits the famous summer camp from hell to ask, “Why is there a wet, eight-foot guy in a hockey mask carrying a bloody machete standing next to that tree?”

As we previously reported, director Marcus Nispel, who gave the world Platinum Dunes’ Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and Pathfinder, will helm the flick. Reportedly, we won’t have to wait until the second sequel to see Jason fall in love with the mask, but unfortunately the flick is not going to be in 3D or have Harry Manfredini’s gnarly disco remix of the theme song (makes for a great ring tone btw).

Of all Platinum Dunes’ horror remakes (The Birds, Rosemary’s Baby, ANOES), I wholeheartedly endorse this one. It’s a great fit for them and Nispel, and I can’t wait to see some hottie scream and jiggle as a cocky dude smoking a joint gets his head knocked off and over like Lucas in a football game. If Padelecki busts out the magnifying glass minutes later, fine. The franchise’s goods (of the gooey and rounded variety) will be delivered.

Discuss: Are you offended that Friday the 13th will be released on Valentines’ Day?