The Case For Tyrion and Varys

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: forget kings and queens – bring on the Imp and the Spider!)

It’s time to do away with the very concept of the autocratic monarch, and embrace a co-leadership arrangement. An arrangement more about the good of the many than the power of the few. We needn’t shift to full democracy – to suggest as much would be both political suicide and actual suicide – but for once, it’d be nice to have leaders who serve the Realm, rather than their egos. That’s why the dynamic duo of Tyrion Lannister and Lord Varys is what we need in the Red Keep.

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The Case For Yara Greyjoy

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: Yara Greyjoy is the toughest woman in Westeros – and the most deserving of being queen.)

Those who were fortunate enough to sail under Yara Greyjoy know what she is: she is a reaver, she is a warrior, she is Ironborn. First of her name, daughter of Balon Greyjoy and rightful heir to the Salt Throne – which, according to widespread reports, she’s recently reclaimed – tales of Yara Greyjoy have traveled far and wide across the fourteen seas. The woman with the largest fleet the world has ever seen. The siren goddess of the sea people. Cthulhu herself. The kraken’s daughter. Lady Poseidon.

If you ask me, the girl who should be sitting on the Iron Throne isn’t a golden haired tyrant coddled by a bright and sunny upbringing on dry land. The Realm deserves a ruler with a little backbone. Someone birthed from the sweat of survival. The Seven Kingdoms doesn’t need a pampered leader who has spent their life atop a royal seat watching everyone beneath them happily and willingly bend the knee. We’ve all seen what happens when you place a spoiled child in such a high state of sovereignty, and we can lest afford another Joffrey Baratheon. We’ve seen what happens when you give a mad king the keys to the kingdom, and we’ve witnessed an equally obtuse Lady Lannister torture subjects for such petty justifications as jealousy and gossip. We’ve had enough. We want a leader we can be proud of; we want to feel proud of ourselves again. Westeros deserves a woman who plucked fire from the sea.

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The Case For Jon Snow

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: if we must have a king, at least Jon Snow won’t kill us all.)

People of Westeros – of which I am totally one and not at all a ghost of non-fiction future – who, may I ask, would you have rule the seven kingdoms? A privileged sociopathic white lady with a drinking problem who does incest with her hot brother? Nay. A formerly privileged white lady (let’s be honest, she’s still pretty privileged) who’s let two-thirds of her entire battle tactic die and who also does incest with her hot nephew? Nay. Perhaps a 14-year-old (excuse me, allegedly 18-year-old) sociopath who does murders for fun? Nay. Mayhaps that scheming, untrustworthy, bald-pated eunuch? Actually, maybe – as dearly departed Theon Greyjoy hath proven, men are vastly improved when separated from their man-bits. What about yonder ocean-born man-whore, who most certainly smells of testicles soaked in trash-water? Hell nay.

Dear Westerosians, the choice is clear. There is only one person-folk fit to rule the seven kingdoms, and he’s barely fit to rule them at all. In fact, he doesn’t even want the job, but if we are determined to continue this monarchy instead of establishing a reasonable democracy for each of the seven kingdoms, then Jon Snow – aka Aegon Targaryen, the 800th of his name, keeper of the man-bun and friend of the free folk – is literally the least offensive person you can choose. Jon Snow: If you must have someone sit on that uncomfortable iron throne, then sure, why not this guy. Hear me out.

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The Case Against Cersei Lannister

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: Queen Cersei has proven herself incapable of caring about her kingdom or her subjects.)

There was a time, three or four years ago, when I would argue in favor of our queen. Much like her father, Cersei is adept at political machinations. She understands both power and money well – she is a Lannister, after all. There was a time when she was a proud lioness protecting her pride, and by extension, the rest of Westeros. Without her children to anchor her, Cersei has become even more vicious and unpredictable. Estranged from her brothers, even her lover-twin Jaime, she has nothing left to protect.

Our queen has failed us time and again. Her failures began when jealousy took root. Her envy of Margaery drove her to insanity, and now our Mad Queen reigns supreme.

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The Case for Cersei Lannister 1

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: all hail Cersei Lannister, Queen of the Seven Kingdoms.)

Frankly, I’m not sure why we’re having this “debate” in the first place. Cersei Lannister, First of Her Name, currently sits atop the Iron Throne as the queen of the Andals and the First Men, and any discussion about a potential usurper or successor is tantamount to treason. We’re living in a monarchy, and the fact that Cersei hasn’t already slaughtered everyone who’s bandying about notions of a different ruler is another example of our queen’s benevolence.

But very well. I’ll play your game and make the case for Cersei Lannister to continue her reign over the Seven Kingdoms.

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The Case For Davos Seaworth

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: only Ser Davos Seaworth can tear down a broken system and remake it for a new generation.)

It’s been seven years since King Robert died and Westeros has had as many self-proclaimed kings and queens since.

Ask anyone in The Reach, near Oldtown, or anywhere in Dorne if they know what the platform of any of the King or Queen-to-be is, what they plan to do with their enemies’ subjects or even how they plan to feed the common people come winter and I’m not sure if they can answer. The noblemen would have you believe that you can only have someone of noble blood rule Westeros. But what if there was a better path? What if we didn’t have to listen to those fancy lads in their fancy castles anymore and that bloodlines and ancestors don’t have to mean shit? The man to lead us to that beautiful summer day is none other than Ser Davos Seaworth.

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The Case Against Daenerys Targaryen

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: Daenerys Targaryen looks like a savior, but she will destroy us all.)

The Mother of Dragons! The Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea! The Breaker of Chains! Yeah, okay, we get it. Even before her greatness graced us with her presence, we all heard the stories that came across the Narrow Sea of the last Targaryen. The common people in Slaver’s Bay call her Mhysa, she is the kind-hearted queen, the queen of the people, the mother to the motherless, with a strong army at her back, three dragons above her, and a noble mission statement. She would be the welcome choice to break the wheel and usher in thousands of years of peace and prosperity in Westeros, where the common people and the lords dined together in perfect harmony, and dogs and cats lived together, and the sun rises in the west and sets in the east and the mountains crumble in the wind.

We were promised a savior of the people and what we got was another incest-bred Targaryen dictator who would sooner sacrifice her people for her own political gain than actually do what is best for them. Yup, as it turns out, those stories from across the Narrow Sea were little more than the songs of Westeros propagating a high born leader for something impressive that they did that one time somewhere, while really thoroughly burying the lede. Don’t believe me? Let’s just break it down, and I swear by the end of it you will ready to throw yourself into the Seven Hells knowing that this is our great “alternative” to Cersei.

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The Case For Daenerys

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: Daenerys Targaryen is a fiery ruler in several ways and that is exactly what Westeros needs.)

Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, Queen of the Andals and the First Men, Protector of the Seven Kingdoms, the Mother of Dragons, the Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, the Unburnt, the Breaker of Chains, the Bane of Spellcheckers, the Boinker of Nephews, the Wearer of Really Fabulous Coats, the Lover of Tall Men and Occasionally Short Ones, The Drinker of Starbucks, the Booster of Word Counts, the Sporter of Excellent Braids, the Burner of Khals and Tarlys, the Victor of the Battle of the Goldroad is the best and only person who should sit the Iron Throne.  

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The Case Against Tyrion Lannister

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: Tyrion Lannister may be a clever man, but he’s the last guy you want calling the shots.)

Don’t let the quips and the flashy entourage fool you, Tyrion Lannister is wrong for Westeros. You may be thinking that Lannisters who don’t sleep with their siblings have a solid record, after all Lord Tywin (rest his soul) saved King’s Landing more than once when our destruction seemed imminent. But the youngest Lannister apple has fallen far from the tree, he may even be a completely different type of fruit if Tywin’s suspicions are to be believed. Wit and wiles can only get someone so far, so let me lay out for you why the Imp of Casterly Rock should never sit on the Iron Throne.

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The Case For Sansa Stark

(Welcome to Debate of Thrones, where a panel of Citadel-trained experts explain why someone deserves, or doesn’t deserve, to sit on the Iron Throne. In this edition: no one in the Seven Kingdoms is as mentally equipped to lead the nation as Sansa Stark.)

When the people of the Seven Kingdoms think of a perfect monarch, what traits do we look for? Nobility. Dignity. Justice. Mercy. Grace. Strength. Loyalty. Kindness. How often do the gods grant us that boon? Perhaps once in every several centuries. The last few years have seen Westernos ripped apart by lesser kings and queens. Greedy and wrathful and mad, the Targaryen royals and Baratheons that followed them sowed war and death from Dorne to The Wall. And now the choice appears to be between a despotic Targaryen queen raised in foreign lands or an alleged Targaryen king who grew up the bastard son of Lord Eddard Stark. But what if there was another choice? A better choice for the realm? Lady Sansa Stark of Winterfell.

Over the course of the last seven years — since before the opening salvos of the War of the Five Kings — Sansa has been at the center of every major event. From a terrified child to the steadfast Lady of Winterfell, Sansa Stark has proven time and again that she has the mettle and the temperament to take, and hold, the Iron Throne.

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