BREAKING NEWS: Animaniacs Emerge From Warner Bros. Water Tower To Do Battle With David Zaslav
More troubling news from the lot of Warner Bros. Discovery, folks. Ever since Discovery's acquisition of the legendary Hollywood studio as a part of WarnerMedia last year, the policies, decisions, and mandates coming from CEO David Zaslav have been increasingly zany to the max.
Zaslav's behavior has indeed hit the limit of WB's most honored citizens: the siblings Yakko, Wakko, and Dot, collectively known as the Animaniacs. At press time, it's being reported that they have emerged from their hibernation in the Warners' water tower and are prepared to do battle with Zaslav for the future of the studio.
As of this writing, Warner Bros. has decided to shelve the animated feature film "Coyote Vs. Acme," a movie that not only starred beloved wrestler-turned-actor John Cena, but featured a live-action/animated hybrid style that would seem to continue the tradition of prior WB hits such as "Space Jam," as well as cult successes like "Looney Tunes: Back in Action." Although the movie completed principal photography last year, Warners has decided to not release it in any form, with a WB Motion Picture Group spokesperson claiming that "the studio has shifted its global strategy to focus on theatrical releases."
Not only has this news aroused the ire of numerous fans, other industry professionals, and filmmakers, it feels like it's close to being the final straw for Zaslav's calloused and anti-art attitude toward the work that many great artists have made for the studio.
Hence, the typically wacky but ultimately harmless Animaniacs taking a stand.
Of course, you know, this means war
Right now, the mood at Warner Bros. Discovery can charitably be called "totally insane-y," according to at least one unnamed source. During the original reign of the Animaniacs from 1993-1998, the presence of the Warner brothers (and sister) typically meant some kooky antics were about to take place, though none of them would be that mean-spirited.
Although the siblings' recent revival has seen them act in a generally congenial manner of late, this latest insult by Zaslav has them breaching several clauses of their pay or play contracts. Yakko, the eldest sibling, is currently the ringleader, drumming up an army of clouds with which to literally storm Zaslav's office. Wakko is still in the midst of performing an extensively well-researched song about all the different anvils and over-sized hammers he's buying from each US state's capital. Dot, meanwhile, is on a recruitment trip to Barbieland in order to sign up the Barbies and Kens for the cause. Despite "Barbie" being WB's biggest hit of the year, Dot hopes to use the shelving of the "Batgirl" film as recruitment leverage, as well as the fact that Zaslav allegedly referred to her as "Dottie" (which, of course, means war).
It's not just the siblings who are gearing up for conflict, either. Apparently, the Goodfeathers have put out a contract on Zaslav for what he did to Turner Classic Movies. Slappy Squirrel refers to the CEO as "Nuts, and not the good kind" after seeing what happened to "Scoob 2." Katie Ka-Boom has transformed herself into Godzilla, ready to incinerate Zaslav with her atomic breath for his decision to axe $2 billion worth of WB's films and shows. Even Pinky and the Brain, who one might assume would understand the megalomaniacal tendencies of Zaslav, have changed their nightly habits from trying to take over the world to trying to oust the CEO.
After so much bad PR and numerous poor decisions (including the use of ghoulish CGI that uses the likenesses of deceased actors in "The Flash," a tentpole that bombed hard and stunted the studio's plans for its DC characters), it seems at this point like Zaslav could and should be voted out quietly by the company's shareholders. If not, a far darker fate may await; as Yakko Warner said in a brief, threatening statement to Zaslav, "Do NOT make us call The Freakazoid."