We Desperately Overanalyzed The Amazing First Look At Ryan Gosling As Ken In The New Barbie Movie

If there's one thing you should know about me, it's that according to the hot pink VHS tape "Barbie Birthday Party at Walt Disney World, EPCOT" I watched ad nauseum in 1994 (and many, many more times as an adult to celebrate friends' birthdays), I am a certified "Friend of Barbie." Since the casting announcements for Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie's "Barbie" film have been rolling out, I've been /Film's resident "Barbie" speculator. I was already proven correct in my prediction that Simu Liu would be playing a Ken doll in addition to Ryan Gosling's Ken doll, and the validation has made me feel the same way as Billy Madison when he won the 2nd grade spelling bee.

And today, Warner Bros. gave us our first look at Ryan Gosling's Ken, and dear reader, life in plastic certainly is fantastic.

Gosling's Ken is seen leaning against a hot pink pillar in what can only be assumed is Barbie's Dreamhouse (but it could very well be the Malibu Beach House), while donning white-blonde hair, a perfectly hemmed denim vest with just enough fraying on the shoulders, pristine pressed matching denim jeans, abdominal muscles that look to have been sculpted out of hard, human plastic, and visible Calvin Klein inspired underwear that read, "Ken." The viral era of "Hey Girl" Ryan Gosling has been yassified to "Hey Barbie Girl," and I would absolutely go party with him. Ah, ah, ah, yeah!

The many faces of Kenneth Carson

While Ms. Barbara "Barbie" Millicent Roberts has worn a lot of looks over her six decades of fame, for the most part, she's always been blonde haired and blue eyed. Our boy Kenneth "Ken" Carson, on the other hand, has been a consistent fashion chameleon. When he was first introduced in 1961, Ken came with "flocked" hair (IT WAS FELT AND IT CAME OFF WHEN IT GOT WET) and couldn't even bend his arms. All of that changed in 1977 when "Superstar Ken" was introduced, donning a dimpled smile, bendable arms, plastic blonde hair, jewelry, a ridiculous tan, and the muscular build Ken would become known for. In the years since, Ken has taken on a variety of looks, with some standouts being "Disco Ken," "Malibu Ken," his current man-bun wearing option for "Next Gen Ken," and the gay icon "Earring Magic Ken."

Don't worry, there's also plenty of cursed Ken doll designs, and some of my personal favorites include "Rappin' Rockin' Ken" with bonus cultural appropriation, "Biker Ken" complete with midlife crisis ponytail and Just For Men dyed goatee, "Mod Hair Ken" with eyebrows that take up half of his forehead and removable mustache, and "Totally Hair Ken," which came with a Ken sized bottle of hair gel that was definitely going to ruin your bedroom carpet.

Gosling's Ken looks as if Mattel released an exclusive doll styled after the wrestler Orange Cassidy with the polish of the "Fashionista Ken" line. Which is to say, perfection.

Three cheers for Himbo Ken

In case you're not on the up and up with all of the doll world gossip, Barbie actually dumped Ken in 2004, wanting to focus on herself and give Ken some time to get his life together. Until that point, Ken had suffered many an identity crisis, and Barbie was going through some massive changes of her own. In an attempt to win her back, celebrity stylist Phillip Bloch gave Ken a much needed makeover in 2006, but Barbie was too busy having a rebound relationship with the surfer-boy Blaine. In 2010, however, Barbie and Ken popped up on screen in "Toy Story 3," and public demand for the two to reconcile was at an all time high.

Ken really put in the work to improve himself to be worthy of Barbie's affection, and in typical rom-com fashion, even purchased billboards in the hopes a giant gesture would warm her heart. Well, it worked. Barbie and Ken have been back together since 2011, and are happily living that influencer couple life. 

Gosling's Ken? Uh, yeah. That dude is absolutely making the type of content that ends up on @favetiktoks420. Gosling's Ken absolutely intentionally spells things incorrectly in his captions knowing that people commenting to correct him is only going to help boost him through the algorithm. We're firmly in the era of "Himbo Ken," and Gosling's design perfectly reflects it.

Cool, now watch The Place Beyond the Pines

Forgetting about Ken's lore in the magical world of Barbie for just a moment, Gosling's Ken look is inadvertently the best possible reminder that everyone should watch "The Place Beyond the Pines." The internet is all fired up and being thirsty on main for his tan, ripped, bleach blonde Ken, and counting down the days before they can get a better look at Barbie's favorite beau hunk. Fortunately, Gosling has already delivered a similar look, but with face tattoos and looking the way Machine Gun Kelly wishes he did.

"The Place Beyond the Pines" is a gripping crime thriller, and serves as one of Gosling's very best performances. Maybe there's something in the bleach, but a blonde Gosling is a sign that the performance is going to be captivating and likely unhinged as hell. Based on everything we've been hearing about Gerwig's "Barbie" film, it sounds like this trend is only going to continue. Lucky, lucky us.