A New Nightmare On Elm Street Reboot Is Coming And There's Only One Actor To Play The New Freddy

Okay, hear me out. 

It's not really surprising to learn that Paramount is launching a reboot of the "Nightmare on Elm Street" franchise. After all, every horror franchise gets rebooted every generation or so (except for Jason thanks to his many legal woes). Freddy Krueger, the hideously burned child-killer who returns from the grave to murder people in their dreams, is due another run on the big screen. It's been 16 years since the 2010 remake left audiences so thoroughly underwhelmed. Freddy is out of slasher jail. It's time to let another new actor put on the striped sweater and finger knives. 

But who do you cast as Freddy, a character played so memorably by Robert Englund and so, uh, not memorably by the otherwise talented Jackie Earle Haley? And how do you freshen up a character who has become so familiar after over 40 year of overexposure? Even the franchise itself noted that Freddy had started to lose his edge with the brilliantly meta "Wes Craven's New Nightmare." It's going to take a big swing for a new reboot to work.

Remember when I asked to you to hear me out? I ask that again. 

Because Tim Robinson, star of "I Think You Should Leave," "The Chair Company," and "Friendship" should be the new Freddy Krueger. And yes, I'm serious. Lower that eyebrow. Let it sink in. Think on it. No modern actor is better equipped to recreate the terrifying gonzo energy of Freddy, and no one is better equipped to fully make it their own. 

Robinson first rose to prominence with his Netflix sketch comedy series "I Think You Should Leave" (and "SNL" before that), and if you've been on the internet for more than five minutes, you've probably been exposed to at least one joke (or meme) from that show. And while the comedy runs the gamut in terms of tone, there's always an underlying intent to Robinson's work as a comedian — to make you feel as uncomfortable as possible. 

There's not getting around it: Robinson is an unusual performer in the best ways. Here's a man who has weaponized his "ordinary white guy" looks to appear sinister and deranged, the kind of deeply unsettling weirdo who's invisible in the CVS line until he's suddenly screaming about the cost of just-expired breakfast cereal. And his delivery, which can radiate innocence and weakness until it splinters into shouts of incomprehensible rage, is unlike any other spoken voice in entertainment history. To watch a Tim Robinson comedy character is to share a shark cage with the shark itself. 

The HBO series "The Chair Company" proved Robinson's persona could exist beyond sketches and translate to an ongoing character. His work there, so silly on the surface, reveals a damaged menace that is fragile and explosive and rabid. Don't stare too long. Do not engage. This is a man primed to do something awful if given the chance. 

And there's already a connection here. Paramount's new "Paramount Primal" label, which will develop horror movies for the studio, is headed up by J.D. Lifshitz and Raphael Margules, whose producing credits include "Barbarian," an ambitious and off-kilter slasher movie, and "Friendship," a pitch-black comedy starring none other than Tim Robinson. Let's not stand in the way of fate. 

Yes, Tim Robinson as Freddy Krueger is a big swing. And it'll require someone behind the camera who knows to capture the actor's inherent creepiness, the slowly marinating dread behind dead eyes and threats masked in mealy mouthed rambles. This filmmaker would need to understand that so many modern fears are driven by an unstable world full of random violence, that dream logic and nightmares are more unsettling when they're specific, tuned to our own neuroses. 

So hear me out again: why not Casper Kelly? 

Best known for his epic and infamous and utterly singular internet sensation "Too Many Cooks," Kelly has proven that he knows how to get under the skin of viewers in ways that truly radiate and linger. And he's utterly unafraid of big swing and wild takes, as his frequently astonishing holiday horror movie "The Fireplace" (also known as "Adult Swim Yule Log") reveals. The next big test will be his 2026 analog horror movie "Buddy," but the trailer certainly leaves a strong impression.

Listen up, Paramount. I'm not saying you have to cast Tim Robinson and hire Casper Kelly for your "A Nightmare on Elm Street" reboot. But I am saying that trying to give us more of the same in the age of "Obsession" and "Backrooms" will blow up in your face. Go big. Go weird. Go wild. Take a chance. Freddy Krueger hasn't been scary since 1994. Step up the plate and do it right.