Charlize Theron's Only Western Was Completely Rejected By Critics (And Audiences)

There are shockingly few laughs in Seth MacFarlane's 2014 Western spoof "A Million Ways to Die in the West," but Charlize Theron's portrayal of Anna Barnes-Leatherwood, the unhappy wife of outlaw Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson), gives the film an unexpected spark of humanity. Her Anna is smart, capable and, somehow, charmed by MacFarlane's cowardly farmer Albert Stark. Albert's yellow streak is known throughout his Arizona village, but Anna, having taken a shine to the poor fella, decides to school him in the art of the quick draw when he's challenged to a duel by his ex-girlfriend's new flame.

Theron's basically playing John Wayne's role from "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance," which left me a) yearning for a queer-themed remake of John Ford's classic, and b) wishing MacFarlane hadn't cast himself in a film he'd directed and co-wrote. The "Family Guy" creator is transparently trying to strike up a Woody Allen-Diane Keaton banter with Theron (where she keeps laughing at his self-deprecating jokes), but she's way too much performer for him. And yet, to her credit, she doesn't devour him. She treats him like a lost little puppy dog. The best version of the film would've ended with Anna adopting Albert and letting him sleep at the foot of her bed.

MacFarlane chose instead to give Albert a trite zero-to-hero arc, where he predictably rises to the occasion as a gunslinger and wins the hand of a woman who deserves much better. Though MacFarlane had already successfully transitioned to live-action feature filmmaking with "Ted," he wisely cast an A-lister (Mark Wahlberg) as the lead there. This time, he bet on his own acting chops and struck out: "A Million Ways to Die in the West" was a financial bust that was roundly rejected by critics and general audiences alike.

Given Seth MacFarlane's reputation for raunchy, mean-spirited humor, it was probably a mistake for him to make a more amiable comedy in the vein of "A Million Ways to Die in the West." His fans went in expecting a "Family Guy" spin on Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles." What they got was a scattershot parody that peaks in the laugh department with Neil Patrick Harris as Albert's rival — the snooty, mustachioed Foy — getting surreptitiously administered a powerful laxative prior to his showdown with MacFarlane's protagonist, which leads to him eliminating his bowels for a disconcerting lengthy period of time. 

It's like the vomiting scene in Trey Parker's own genre sendup (not to mention, surprise Jodie Foster favorite), "Team America: World Police." Except, that sequence is a scream because it doubles as a character beat for Parker's marionette character Gary Johnston. He's projectile puking his demons onto the pavement.

Ultimately, MacFarlane leaves us with a smart-ass middle-schooler's version of "Blazing Saddles" that wastes a glowingly game Charlize Theron and runs a punishingly long 116 minutes. But the biggest problem with "A Million Ways to Die in the West," aside from its Monument Valley opening credits, is that MacFarlane seems completely disinterested in making a Western. As Brooks proved on more than one occasion, the best spoofs have a real love for the thing they're sending up. This is why the admitted Trekkie MacFarlane found genuine inspiration with "The Orville."