5 Things We'd Rather Watch Than The Awful AMC Theatres Pre-Show Ads

I love movies, and I love watching movies on the big screen. But going to a movie theater? Well, that's a different story, especially when the movie theater is an AMC. For many people, AMC is the only game in town, which can be frustrating, because the theater chain is committed to showing a seemingly endless barrage of ads and trailers before they get around to starting the movie. More often than not, you'll get about 25-35 minutes of pre-show junk before the studio logos start popping up.

Look, in the grand scheme of things, there are bigger problems in the world than this. And sure, in theory, we can all agree to just show up late and hope we miss the ads (AMC recently said they were going to complicate this approach by adding even more ads, but thankfully have since walked that back). But it would also be nice if AMC cut us some slack. Right now, in addition to ads for trucks and soda and a huge block of trailers, the AMC pre-show also includes multiple ads for AMC Theatres, talking about how great they are. Hey, we're already here! You don't have to sell us on it! You also don't have to show us a couple having a dance-off and then racing each other in cars (?). And I know this is going to be controversial to some people, but I would really love it if AMC killed the Nicole Kidman ad at this point. Yes, we all loved it when it first arrived, and it's been memed to death. But I'll be blunt: I'm sick of it. I never thought I'd be sick of Nicole Kidman, but here we are. When I see her high heel splash into that puddle, I groan inwardly. I just want the movie to start, damn it! Enough!

We here at /Film have grown so fed-up with the AMC pre-show ads that we've put together a brief list of terrible things we'd rather watch instead. Yes, it's come to this. (Chris Evangelista)

What is it that rankles people the most about the Nicole Kidman AMC ad? Is it the awkward pairing of the line about "[going] somewhere we've never been before" with footage from "Jurassic World"? Is it the fact that you're watching a commercial for the theater that you're already sitting in? Or perhaps it's the excessive use of the word "we," as if Nicole Kidman routinely files into her local AMC and watches movies with the common people, doing the awkward knee swivel to let them past when they need a pee break.

But the AMC ad was far from the most egregious "how do you do, fellow commoners?" message that a celebrity put out during the COVID-19 era. The runaway winner of that title is the music video assembled by "Wonder Woman" star Gal Gadot, featuring a whole host of celebrities covering John Lennon's "Imagine" with varying singing abilities and varying levels of commitment. It's hard to decide what's worse: the celebrities who sing like they genuinely believe it's going to help the world; or those who sing in a mumbly embarrassed way, the deadened look in their eyes screaming, "oh god, I'm going to regret this, aren't I?"

"Imagine" is a terrible song. It's a droning, plodding melody with trite, bumper-sticker lyrics. The sneering condescension of the lines "Imagine no possessions / I wonder if you can" didn't sound great coming from a millionaire the first time it was sung, and sounds even worse in a video full of millionaires. Using a "we're all in this together" intro to set up a montage of rich people riding out the pandemic in their mansions and vacation homes was so astoundingly tone deaf that it was doomed to become a meme.

Here's the great thing about the "Imagine" video, though: It's so cringeworthy that my brain reflexively dissociates when confronted with it, like a pilot hitting the "EJECT" button. Play it at the start of the pre-show ads and the audience can just let the maladaptive dreaming carry them happily away until the movie starts.

Imagine you're somewhere else, not watching this video. It's easy if you try... (Hannah Shaw-Williams)

Most Christmas movies are terrible, but "The Santa Clause 2" is a special kind of awful, thanks to the horrifying presence of two Tim Allens. Sure, as a kid, doubling Santa Claus sounds awesome, because you'd presumably get double the presents, just like when your parents get divorced. The problem is that the second Santa Claus in "The Santa Clause 2," a toy version that might as well have been created by ChatGPT, is pure nightmare fuel. Add a couple of pitch black eyes to the Toy Santa Claus in this holiday sequel and you get a life-size Funko POP, and that's enough to give anyone nightmares for the rest of their life.

First of all, when Toy Santa Claus arrives, he's fully nude, and the reaction from Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) and this monstrosity's elf creator Curtis (Spencer Breslin) is one of sheer horror when they look down at Toy Santa's crotch, which indicates that there's some kind of unsightly plastic hog down there that no one needs to see.

Secondly, Toy Santa Claus quickly gets addicted to hot cocoa. Once he gets a taste of that sweet chocolate nectar, he chugs it and immediately wants more. Later, he even mentions drinking three gallons of it while preparing his toy soldier army. No one wants a Toy Santa Claus operating on such high amounts of cocoa. That's like Disney's version of a cocaine bender, something Tim Allen is also very familiar with.

Finally, Toy Santa Claus basically becomes a Nazi (as you can see above). He decides that kids don't deserve any of the toys the elves have been making, and he wants to send them all coal instead. That's not cool, you cocoa-slurping tyrant.

However, all of this is to say that we'd rather watch any of the horrifying, dumb scenes with Tim Allen in caked on rubber make-up as Toy Santa Claus than be forced to revisit the AMC Theatres pre-show as it currently exists. We come to this place for magic, but I'd rather watch Tim Allen guzzle cocoa looking like a plastic surgery cautionary tale than see that time-wasting theatrical hogwash ever again. (Ethan Anderton)

I am a proud member of the AMC Stubs family, but I'm also punctual to a fault, thanks to the flavor of anxiety that thinks being late means I'm in immediate danger. I always show up early for Maria Menounos and Noovie, and it doesn't matter if my AMC app tells me that there will be 25-30 minutes of trailers before the movie actually starts, I am going to be comfortably in my seat and nomming on popcorn at the advertised showtime. This means that I have spent the equivalent of re-watching the entire "Halloween" franchise watching the AMC Theatres pre-show ads. I just don't have it in me anymore. At this point, when the lights begin to dim and we go somewhere we've never been before, I'd be more welcoming of a Bughuul kill film from "Sinister" featuring my own family.

Scott Derrickson and C. Robert Cargill's "Sinister" is one of the scariest movies ever made, and it's in large part thanks to the Super 8 films labeled as "home movies" that feature a horrific act of familicide. The footage titled "Lawn Work '86" is undoubtedly one of the most effective jump scares ever put on screen, and I'd be okay with a new film becoming mine and my family's legacy if it meant the AMC pre-show ads would stop. We can even call it "Movie Night '25," and someone can push us down the stairs outside of the AMC Burbank 16, and we'll all splatter our brains at the feet of the Batman statue. (BJ Colangelo)

On November 22, 1963, President John F. Kennedy was assassinated in Dallas, Texas — a tragic event that changed the course of history and inspired a mountain of conspiracy theories that persist to this day. The horrific murder was captured on 8mm film by Abraham Zapruder, a local clothing manufacturer who had no idea that his footage would end up being studied frame-by-frame for years to come.

It's graphic, upsetting footage where you can literally see Kennedy's head burst apart in a gory mess — a moment sensationalized in Oliver Stone's excellent film "JFK." Yes, that's right, the AMC pre-show has become so insufferable that I would rather watch a video of someone's head exploding than have to sit through that couple having a dance-off one more time.

But I get it: This could be upsetting and traumatic for some people, so maybe AMC can layer a laugh track, "Big Bang Theory"–style, under the footage. Might soften the blow. Just a suggestion. (Chris Evangelista)

Sony's attempt to make a Spider-Man cinematic universe without Spider-Man didn't go so well, and one of the most notable failures from this experiment was "Morbius." Jared Leto played Dr. Michael Morbius, a scientist who becomes a vampire and uses his new bloodsucking ability to turn into a kind of anti-hero.

It's a bad movie. So bad that it essentially turned into a punchline, with the film being heavily memed online. While "Morbius" was a box office disappointment upon release, Sony thought they might be able to parlay the film's meme status to recoup some of their losses. So they went ahead and re-released the film two months later. The re-release also failed.

But maybe Sony should try again, and they should do so as part of the AMC pre-show. Third time's the charm! Look, I know what you're saying: If your complaint is that the AMC pre-show is already too long, wouldn't showing an entire movie make it even longer? You're right, of course, but I've grown so desperate that I'd rather watch Jared Leto run around in CGI-enhanced ghoul makeup than hear Nicole Kidman tell me heartbreak feels good in a place like this ever again. (Chris Evangelista)