Like Magic Mike's Last Dance, Every Single Movie Should End With A 30-Minute Dance Scene

The expository dance scene has been all the rage this past year — at least, if you've been watching television. Thanks to the lighthearted opening sequences for shows like "Pachinko" and "Peacemaker," this specific form of showing and not telling has come back in a big way. Unfortunately, there are two problems with this. First off, television is not the same medium as film, and judging it as such has famously created a ton of issues in the past. More importantly, however, many potential awards contending films nowadays take themselves far too seriously to pull off something like this. You tell me if "Tár" wouldn't be better with a huge dance sequence at the end. (It would. It would be better.)

Every rule has its exception and in this case, it's "Magic Mike's Last Dance," Steven Soderbergh's upcoming send-off to his male stripper dramedy series starring Channing Tatum. While the film will certainly have its sentimental or dramatic moments, they apparently aren't enough to deter a 30-minute dance scene from concluding the film. "We wanted to blow the dancing up in a big way," Soderbergh told Empire Magazine. "The last 30-plus minutes of the movie are just this giant dance sequence."

Honestly, the guy is onto something here. Perhaps massive dancing sequences that wrap up a story are exactly what all movies need nowadays, and not just measly five 10-minute dance numbers either. Every film needs to have a wrap-up dance sequence that's exactly 30 minutes long. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Yes, we mean every movie

Of course, we understand that the ending dance sequence is not a new phenomenon. Frankly, it would be remiss to ignore how many international films, such as those produced in India's Bollywood and Tollywood, actually do utilize song and dance as a proper way to end a story. Think of the Indian movies you've seen where this has occurred — the chances that these types of scenes utilize folk and contemporary dance with story-progressing lyrics are high. Even so, they tend to feel a little short, often because these sequences only last as long as the songs they're set to.

Sure, you could argue the fact that these dance sequences exist at all is enough on its own. Fiddlesticks to that! We need to extend these bad boys and add them to as many movies as possible, allowing us to become truly immersed in the story and the power of dance each and every time we see a film. After all, what is dancing if not a story told through motion?

A non-exhaustive list of movies that would've been improved with a dance sequence

We'll be here all day if we rattle off each and every film that would've been better off ending with its characters coming together for one big dance party at the end. Instead, we're going to restrict ourselves to a series of recently-released movies that I personally felt needed a little bit of that ol' razzle-dazzle:

  • "The Eternal Daughter"

  • "Werewolf By Night"

  • "Terrifier 2" (specifically, that little rascal Art the Clown doing some sick breakdancing)

  • "Bones and All"

  • "Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery"

  • "Ticket to Paradise"

  • "Halloween Ends"

  • "Hellraiser"

  • "The Fabelmans"

I really could go on and on with this list. If you have found this piece through one of our social media channels, comment on what movie you think would have been improved with a dance number. If I'm being honest, I'll probably agree with you, unless it's something really messed up. I have standards, after all.

If, for some reason, a major Hollywood executive is reading this silly little piece on the internet, please do one thing for me: start ending movies with 30-minute expository dance numbers. Who knows; with a little luck, box office numbers will skyrocket and movie theaters might not be as doomed as some people think they are! I don't know, but it's certainly worth a shot.

At the very least, "Magic Mike's Last Dance" will serve to test-run this idea when it shuffles its way into theaters on February 10, 2023.