Quote Of The Day By Tina Fey: 'Authenticity Is Dangerous And Expensive'

A Philadelphia native like me (go Birds), Tina Fey is, without question, the best thing to ever come out of Pennsylvania's Upper Darby Township. (Apologies to the area's other famous residents like Todd Rundgren, Ed McMahon, and Cheri Oteri.) Fey, who rose to prominence on "Saturday Night Live" as a writer, performer, and Weekend Update co-host (alongside her friends Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers) before winning Emmys for her own show, "30 Rock," is one of the funniest talents we've got. If you've ever watched even a single episode of "30 Rock," you know I'm right; pound for pound and joke for joke, it's probably the most hysterically funny sitcom of its generation.

Fey currently stars on the Netflix series "The Four Seasons," but now that she's not personally churning out 20+ episodes of a network TV show anymore, she has a little more time on her hands ... and takes opportunities to appear on podcasts with people like Poehler. In February of 2024, Fey made an appearance on "Las Culturistas," the pop culture obsessed podcast hosted by fellow "SNL" veteran Bowen Yang and his comedy partner Matt Rogers. While there, she gave the world the gift of a particular quote during a closing segment of each episode titled "I Don't Think So, Honey," where Yang, Rogers, and the guest each get one minute to air a niche grievance. "Gift" is not an exaggeration. The quote was so good that, at the following Las Culturistas Culture Awards, Rogers and Yang led the entire audience in a recitation of Fey's "I Don't Think So, Honey" and called it their "Pledge of Allegiance." 

So, what does Fey say in her one minute that's so impactful? Once you get to a specific level of fame, you can no longer share your hot takes.

Here's a helpful transcript of Tina Fey's entire "I Don't Think So, Honey" on "Las Culturistas," for your perusal:

"I don't think so, honey: Bowen Yang giving his real opinions about movies on this podcast. I regret to inform you that you're too famous now, sir. What's going to happen? You have a problem with 'Saltburn?' Shhh. Quiet luxury. Keep it to yourself. Because what are you going to do when Emerald Fennell calls you about her next project where you play Carey Mulligan's coworker in the bridal section of Harrod's, and then Act 3 takes a sexually violent turn, and you have to pretend to be surprised by that turn? You hang out with Ariana and SpongeBob now. That is your life. Okay? And Matt Rogers, I can tell you, you got about one year left. Learn from my mistakes, learn from Ayo. Podcasts are forever. Authenticity is dangerous and expensive. I don't think so, honey."

Before we really unpack this quote, there's some Fey shorthand to explain. "Saltburn" is Academy Award-winning screenwriter Emerald Fennell's second feature, and yes, her movies are pretty much known for their ludicrous third act "sexually violent turns" by now. Ariana, of course, refers to Yang's "Wicked: Part One" and "Wicked: For Good" co-star Ariana Grande (with whom Yang has famously become close friends and who plays Glinda the Good Witch), and "SpongeBob" refers to her now ex-boyfriend Ethan Slater, who plays Boq Woodsman in both films. As for Ayo, this is a joke about "The Bear" star Ayo Edebiri, who made a joke about Jennifer Lopez back in 2020 on Laci Mosley's popular podcast "Scam Goddess" only to end up hosting "Saturday Night Live" in the spring of 2024 ... with Lopez as the musical guest.

Like a true Philly broad, Tina Fey has, throughout her life and career, stirred up controversy with her jokes, comments, and material. (Her otherwise excellent Netflix comedy series "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" made a joke out of Jane Krakowski's character having Native American heritage even though Krakowski is a blonde, fair-skinned, blue-eyed white woman, and the entire thing is played for laughs.) Of course, comedy requires some transgression. Fey was also one of the first people to even allude to now-disgraced comedian Bill Cosby's wrongdoings through oblique jokes on "30 Rock" — yes, Fey did beat stand-up comedian Hannibal Buress, whose jokes about Cosby's improprieties shed a bright light on the entire matter, to the proverbial punch. 

Still, Fey's point here is funny and sharply observed. Obviously, the woman isn't condoning beliefs that some people keep secret because they're bigoted or insensitive; Fey is simply pointing out that making a joke about, say, Jennifer Lopez not really singing on her albums made by a comedian four years before the two meet can cause a relatively silly fuss when internet sleuths dig it up. As Rooney Mara's Erica Albright says to Jesse Eisenberg's Mark Zuckerberg in "The Social Network," "the Internet's not written in pencil, Mark, it's written in ink." Anything chronicled on Al Gore's internet is perfectly capable of living on forever, which is precisely what Fey means.

She's also pointing to an infuriating trend of pop culture consumers demanding that their so-called idols share every single one of their views, no matter how harmless said view is. Mocking "Saltburn" is pretty benign, as far as critiques go ... but again, Fey is right! When you get too famous, an offhand joke can become a headline within minutes.

• "Photoshop is just like makeup. When it's done well, it looks great, and when it's overdone, you look like a crazy a**hole."
• "Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions. No one wants to go to a doctor who says, 'I'm going to be your surgeon? I'm here to talk to you about your procedure? I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?' Make statements, with your actions and your voice."
• "Some people say, "Never let them see you cry." I say, if you're so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone."
• "It is an impressively arrogant move to conclude that just because you don't like something, it is empirically not good. I don't like Chinese food, but I don't write articles trying to prove it doesn't exist."
• "Don't waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions; go over, under, through, and opinions will change organically when you're the boss. Or they won't. Who cares? Do your thing, and don't care if they like it."
• "Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don't just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles."
• "To say I'm an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair."
• "So, my unsolicited advice to women in the workplace is this. When faced with sexism, or ageism, or lookism, or even really aggressive Buddhism, ask yourself the following question: 'Is this person in between me and what I want to do?' If the answer is no, ignore it and move on. Your energy is better used doing your work and outpacing people that way. Then, when you're in charge, don't hire the people who were jerky to you."
• "In most cases, being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way."