Arnold Schwarzenegger Played A Killer Bodybuilder In A Bonkers 1970s TV Episode

In 1977, Arnold Schwarzenegger played a hyper-sensitive killer bodybuilder in an episode of ABC crime drama "The Streets of San Francisco." Far from being a chilling tale of an unstoppable, unhinged muscleman killer, however, Arnie's episode is just sort of funny.

The 1970s was a pivotal and also hilarious time for Schwarzenegger. It was the decade the Austrian transplant secured his standing as a legendary bodybuilder and began his Hollywood career. It was also the decade he spent a lot of time excitedly talking about workout orgasms and starring in one of IMDb's worst rated movies of all time, "Hercules in New York." Long before Arnie became the legend we know him as today, the young Austrian Oak was plotting his domination of the United States. Becoming California Governor and marrying a Kennedy might have been beyond his comprehension at the time, but Arnie was driven in a way that few others are, and he knew he was destined for greatness.

Before any of his biggest accomplishments materialized, however, he had to pay his dues. Though he was crowned Mr. Olympia five times in the 1970s, his acting career wasn't quite as glamorous. The young star kicked off the decade with the aforementioned "Hercules in New York," and ended it by playing "handsome stranger" in a 1979 Western flop with a 0% Rotten Tomatoes score. Between those two projects, he also had a go at TV. That is, he appeared in two TV shows, both in 1977. One, "The San Pedro Beach Bums" saw him play "muscleman," and the other, "The Streets of San Francisco" saw him play, well, a muscleman. At least the latter beefcake had a name: Josef Schmidt. He also had a penchant for flying off the handle in hilarious ways.

ABC's crime drama "The Streets of San Francisco" ran from 1972 to 77 and starred Karl Malden and Michael Douglas as two homicide inspectors in the titular city. Malden's Lt. Michael Stone was a veteran cop who was partnered with Douglas' much younger Assistant Inspector Steve Keller. The show followed the pair as Stone showed Keller the ropes, but after Douglas produced 1975's "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and it became a hit, the young star quit and was replaced by Richard Hatch's Inspector Dan Robbins. It was Stone and Robbins that encountered Arnie's murderous champion bodybuilder Josef Schmidt in the 1977 episode "Dead Lift."

Airing as part of the fifth and final season of the series, "Dead Lift" saw Arnold Schwarzenegger portray a drug-enhanced muscleman who visits San Francisco for a competition all while dealing with some unfortunate side-effects of his illicit medication. Schmidt is basically a big cry baby who's incapable of taking criticism and becomes enraged in the face of any slight. Sadly, this leads him to kill a young girl, prompting Stone and Robbins to spring into action.

Schmidt finds himself in all kinds of trouble after college student Irene Lupoff (Hilarie Thompson) laughs at his muscle flexing routine only for the mad strongman to violently shake her in response. She dies but Schmidt still goes through with the competition only to finish in second place. When Diana Muldaur's Judith Winters sets him off again, it looks like it's curtains for her as Schmidt flies into another rage. Eventually, however, Stone and Hatch arrive just in time to calm him down and take him into custody.

Anybody as ancient as I will surely recall the age of ebaumsworld.com and soundboard prank calls. If so, you'll probably remember the Arnold Schwarzenegger soundboard as one of the most significant cultural artifacts of the early-2000s. The man was a trove of angry, awkwardly-pronounced phrases that seemed designed for our prank call needs — from "Who is your daddy, and what does he do" to "I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I'm going to ram it into your stomach!" But I think I speak for my entire generation when I say we were robbed of what would have been a classic Arnie soundboard line when whoever made that blessed creation forgot to include the actor screaming "It is progressive ressssssistance!" while trashing a living room in "The Streets of San Francisco."

The young Schwarzenegger simply couldn't act in 1977 and his line deliveries in "Dead Lift" are delightful snapshots of a man struggling to make the transition from having big muscles to being a movie star. The killer bodybuilder storyline was offbeat enough to make "Dead Lift" a memorable episode, but it's much more interesting as a glimpse at a young Arnie still learning the ropes of the industry he'd one day dominate. It's also just really funny. Arnie screaming "I'm not ugly! I'm beautiful. This is what the body's supposed to look like!" as he shakes a woman to death is unmissable stuff. Thankfully, the entirety of "Streets of San Francisco" (which was canceled four episodes after Arnie's appearance) is available for free over on Pluto, which is fast becoming one of the best streaming services available (if only because it's free in a time where price hikes have confirmed the dream of streaming is dead).