It's About Time House Of The Dragon Gave Us A Truly Terrible Westerosi Funeral
This post contains plenty of spoilers related to weddings and funerals in "Game of Thrones" and "House of the Dragon." Proceed as you would down the church aisle, at your own risk.
In the world of Westeros, to paraphrase Billy Idol, it's always a nice day for a Red Wedding. You might think "it's your funeral" to show up at one, but as we learned this week in "Driftmark," the latest episode of "House of the Dragon," actual funerals in Westeros can be dangerous affairs, too.
Basically, anytime you get a bunch of family members together for a big occasion, happy or sad, it's going to go sour, so we shouldn't be surprised at the events that went down in "Driftmark." The funeral of Lady Laena Velaryon (Nanna Blondell) after her death by dragonfire turned into a real Old Testament, eye-for-an-eye affair. Perhaps the first sign of trouble was the way Laena's husband, Prince Daemon Targaryen (Matt Smith), openly tittered during the funeral, as if he could not hide his disdain for the words being spoken.
In the aftermath of the ceremony, as the sun went down and turned the screen all but pitch black, the group of cousins we've taken to calling the Junior Targaryen Family Fight Club left kids breaking each other's nose and slashing each other's eye out. If you're wondering where the adults were, well, Daemon, for one, wasted no time in taking a long walk on the beach with his niece, Princess Rhaenyra Targaryen (Emma D'Arcy). It was a little hard to make out what was going on during their romantic stroll, just because of how dark it was, but I'm pretty sure they ended up under the boardwalk in an incestuous love scene.
Great party, amirite? Wait, this was supposed to be a funeral?!
What fresh hell is this funeral?
By now, "Game of Thrones" and "House of the Dragon" viewers have learned not to trust weddings as the happy occasions they're meant to be. First, there was the Red Wedding, the infamous massacre where we saw members of House Stark, one pregnant, being stabbed and having their throats slit. Then, there was the Purple Wedding, where we saw young King Joffrey (Jack Gleeson) choking to death on poisoned wine, leading his mother, Queen Cersei (Lena Headey), to falsely accuse his uncle Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) of the deed and have him arrested.
In the first half of its inaugural season, "House of the Dragon" upheld the tradition of no-good, very bad Westerosi weddings by turning the one for young Princess Rhaenyra (Milly Alcock) and Laenor Velaryon (Theo Nate) into an all-out melee where a guy got his face beat to mush. Has calling it the Green Wedding, on account of Queen Alicent Hightower (Emily Carey's) green dress, caught on yet? Never mind.
Though not as memorable, the "Game of Thrones" funeral of Catelyn Stark's father, Hoster Tully (Christopher Newman), did feature one embarrassing moment where Edmure Tully (Tobias Menzies) had trouble hitting his target with a fiery arrow aimed at the pyre/boat with the body on it. Suffice it to say, seeing the adult Queen Alicent (Olivia Cooke) demand retribution in the form of a child's eye after Laena's funeral on "House of the Dragon" — before attacking Rhaenyra with a knife — was much more mortifying to behold. To say nothing of the ensuing parental grief caused by the faked death of Laena's brother, adult Laenor (John Macmillan).
"House of the Dragon" is fast approaching the point where there are no safe family gatherings and no one left to root for. Maybe that's the point?