Disney World Reopening Video

Florida had 9,989 new cases of coronavirus on Wednesday, July 8, and just a few days ago, the state hit a new record high with nearly 11,500 new cases in a single day. That means there’s no better time for Walt Disney World to be reopening!

That’s right, despite being one of the states with the worst COVID-19 statistics right now, Disney World is still on track to reopen this weekend. To welcome back people who are crazy enough to go to a theme park in the state where someone under the influence of alcohol or crystal meth always does something stupid with an alligator, an old Camaro, and fireworks, Disney World has released a new video showing how they’re preparing for your arrival and the imminent death of many more people.

Walt Disney World Reopening Video

This video is somehow both hilarious and threatening at the same time. The triumphant music playing over images of cast members cleaning everything in sight isn’t reassuring at all. Seeing cast members trying to smile so big you can see it through their masks doesn’t make any of this seem better. Everything is okay here! It feels like a video in a satire about the apocalypse where everyone is desperate to get into the last remaining theme park in order to please their corporate overlord, a mouse in a tuxedo.

Disney’s Magic Kingdom and Animal Kingdom will be the first to reopen on Saturday, July 11, followed by Epcot and Disney’s Hollywood Studios on July 15. Parks have been closed since April, and obviously people want to get back to some semblance of normalcy, but not like this. Not like this.

The United States recently surpassed three million total COVID-19 infections, and over 132,000 people have died from the pandemic. Even worse is that former FDA commissioner Scott Gottlieb says that we’re probably only identifying one in 10 new infections. So we could be talking about tens of thousands more people who have COVID-19, but they simply aren’t part of the statistics yet because they haven’t been tested. Pretty magical, right?

So why is Disney World still opening? Well, Florida is run by Governor Ron DeSantis, a sack of rats disguised as a person. He’s been playing down the spread of coronavirus since the beginning of the pandemic because he’s a big supporter of another moronic leader who has been doing the same, President Donald Trump. That’s why he re-opened the state with looser restrictions far too early, and that’s why the state has some of the worst statistics regarding COVID-19. He’s effectively killing people everyday just so he can kiss the president’s ass. It’s that simple.

The reopening of Disney World is coming on the heels of Hong Kong Disneyland and Shanghai Disneyland reopening in China, but there’s currently no new transmission of COVID-19 over there. After being strict about quarantining, social distancing, and wearing masks, they were able to squash the spread of the virus. But our numbers right now have far surpassed their total infection and COVID-19 death count, and they have a population that’s four times our size.

But sure, let’s reopen Disney World and make it even more difficult for the United States to reopen all other businesses properly. For all the people out there who want the economy up and running but refuse to wear masks in order for that to happen sooner: at some point you’re going to realize that you’d have much more freedom if you wore a mask than you do by choosing not to wear one.

Does it feel like we’re being aggressive about this? Good. Don’t be an idiot. Wear a mask.

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