'Fast And Furious 9' Is Not Adding Ben Stiller To The Cast [Updated]

Update: Ben Stiller has weighed in on this report, shooting it down by saying it is "not at all true, sadly."

Reports of my Fast and Furiosness are greatly exaggerated. Meaning not at all true, sadly. Though I wish them well with the franchise. Fingers crossed it takes off. #FastAndFurious #PageSixIsAmazing

— Ben Stiller (@BenStiller) March 2, 2020

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According to a new report from Page Six, actor/director Ben Stiller is joining the cast of Fast and Furious 9, aka F9.

Before we go any further, it's important to acknowledge that Page Six is a tabloid, so we can't take this story as seriously as we would if the news came from a more respected outlet. But that being said...Ben Stiller? Potentially appearing in a Fast and Furious movie? We can't NOT talk about this. Crack open a Corona and let's run down some possibilities of what this possible casting could mean.

I've gotta say: the total randomness of this possible casting fits perfectly with the chaotic energy of the Fast and Furious movies, so I'm inclined to believe that there's some truth to this story. I've reached out to Stiller's representatives to get confirmation, and will update this post accordingly if they give me an answer.

Page Six's report is pretty bare: it essentially says Stiller "will have a role" in F9, he's "due to begin shooting scenes" in the sequel "soon," and that "it seems likely" that he'll have "a small part." That's not much to go on, but I'll be damned if a lack of details is going to stop me from wildly speculating about what Stiller might be doing in Fast 9. Here are three options.

The addition of a high profile comic actor to this cinematic universe is not unprecedented: remember, just last year we saw Ryan Reynolds and Kevin Hart pop up in a small roles in Hobbs and Shaw. So there's the chance Stiller could be doing something similar here: he could basically just poke his head in, drop a couple of one-liners, and leave.

There's also a chance he might be playing the secret mastermind behind the entire thing. I suspect Charlize Theron's villainous computer hacker Cipher probably reports to someone, so what if Stiller is that person? He might even be the director of Eteon, the terrorist organization at the center of Hobbs and Shaw. (Remember how that movie concluded with Eteon's leader speaking in a mysterious garbled voice?) I assumed that the bad blood between franchise star Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson would necessitate a distinct separation between the Hobbs and Shaw movies and the traditional "saga" films, but what if the writers of these movies have a grand plan that looks to bring both of the stories together, culminating in Fast and Furious 10, which is supposed to be the final movie of the traditional saga? With these movies, anything's possible.

The most recent F9 trailer revealed that franchise newcomer John Cena is playing Dominic Toretto's brother. If Dom has one brother we don't know about, who's to say there isn't a second one? My favorite (admittedly dumb) theory is that Stiller could be playing yet another Toretto brother. In my nonsensical speculative vision, this character is the low key member of the family, the type of guy whose childhood consisted of quietly reading books while his muscled up, testosterone-driven brothers raced cars and rose to global prominence on opposite sides of the law. I can picture it now: the climax of F9 features the two brothers finally coming face to face and about to kill each other, when Stiller walks in and calmly tries to de-escalate the situation, playing the peacemaker for the thousandth time in his life. Naturally, it all ends with them joining the Toretto family BBQ and chugging Corona.

We'll see if Stiller actually appears in F9 when it arrives on May 22, 2020.