Tom Hanks Had Harsh Words For A Critic Who Tore Apart His Directorial Debut

Never cross Tom Hanks. The man has an elephant memory for grievances. He'll bide his time for decades and keep up his nice guy appearances, all the while waiting for the moment where he can slip his pearl-handled dagger into your liver and put you out to everlasting pasture. Tom Hanks is a bad man.

I kid. The absolute obvious is true: Hanks is one of the few Hollywood celebrities who surpasses his reputation for kindness and conviviality. I've interviewed him and engaged with him at press events. He's the closest thing we have to a James Stewart, which is why nobody expected him to go on Conan O'Brien's podcast and cheekily describe film critics as "c***suckers" — a term that he, like other folks, clearly doesn't realize is rooted in casual homophobia. (Not to spoil the mood of this otherwise light-hearted story, but it needed to be said.)

This particular moment occurred while Hanks was promoting Robert Zemeckis' poorly reviewed "Here" from 2024. The "Volunteers" star had reason to be upset with critics because they were shredding a beautifully crafted film from one of our greatest living directors. "Here" was treated as a mawkish, "Forrest Gump"-ian journey through the history of the planet via the living room of one house, but I thought it was suffused with sorrow, particularly the narrative involving a longtime couple played by Hanks and Robin Wright.

Hanks was understandably proud of his work in the film, which is why he took obscene umbrage with its remarkably harsh reception. Now, you'd think a man with two Academy Awards for Best Actor would have thicker skin, but his grievance with critics is personal — and it dates back to one negative review of his feature directorial debut on 1996's "That Thing You Do!"

While appearing on "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend," the host asked Tom Hanks about the disappointing critical reception that greeted "That Thing You Do!" in 1996. This is something of a misperception, though, as Hanks' film actually received largely good reviews. They weren't raves, but most critics at the time felt it was a charming if, in Roger Ebert's words, "inconsequential" movie.

Nevertheless, one review really steamed Hanks' britches. "Let me tell you something about these c***suckers who write about movies," he said. "Can I say that?" Clearly, he was being overly sensitive for comedic effect, but he did have an issue with one critic's hypocrisy. As he told O'Brien:

"Somebody who wrote about ['That Thing You Do!'] wrote that 'Tom Hanks has to stop hanging around with veterans of TV because this is just like it's shot on TV, and it's not much of anything.' That same person then wrote about the cult classic 'That Thing You Do!' Same exact person. All you need is 20 years between now and then, and it ends up speaking somewhere."

Hanks then went on to add, "But you know, that's the thing we all signed up for. That's the carnival, that's the contest, right? I've got faith in that." That's the correct perspective to take, but Hanks is only human. Of course you're going to remember the person who accused you of being a TV director. "That Thing You Do!" is a lovely period piece that is far from television work. Besides, that slam is dated anyway, since, as shows like "The Wire," "Atlanta" and "Reservation Dogs" have demonstrated, television can be incredibly cinematic.

Still, Tom Hanks nursing a grudge like this is pretty funny.