Primate Review: If You're Looking For Bloody Ape Mayhem, You've Come To The Right Place

Johannes Roberts' "Primate" is a supremely cheap and stupid movie, but those aren't necessarily criticisms. The film is about a pet chimpanzee named Ben (Miguel Torres Umba) who gets bitten by a rabid mongoose, become rabid himself, and spends one bloody night stalking and murdering — with rabid wrath — a housebound gaggle of lithe, 21-year-old vacationers. There are further details about the plot and the characters, but we know why we're here. We're here to see ape mayhem. We're here to see a man in a (convincing) chimp suit bite, pound, claw, and tear his way through several hundred pounds of human meat. At least one of Ben's victims will have his jaw forcibly ripped from his face. The jaw-ripping doesn't quite kill the victim at first, however, and they get to witness Ben idly gnaw at their freshly exposed mandible. 

So, yes, in terms of ape mayhem, "Primate" delivers. After a refreshingly brief 89 minutes (with credits!), Ben has killed. This is the type of horror movie that will elicit just as many titters over the gore as ... well, I was going to say "scares," but "Primate" is more amusing than scary. It's the kind of late-Friday-night party picture that almost encourages sassy comments from a half-drunk crowd. "Primate" is hardly a good film — as stated, it's cheap and stupid — but it can certainly serve as grist for the mill of intoxicated theater-goers. It's worth mentioning that at my screening, populated by professional critics, several people were inspired to yell bons mots of the "Get her, Ben!" variety. 

In short, it's a January horror movie. Furious George Goes to Hawaii. Furious George Meets a Mongoose. Furious George Tastes a Piece of Your Face. I'll be right back. I'm getting some Junior Mints.

That's not to say that "Primate" is the least bit sharp. The plot of Roberts' film is perfunctory as to be risible. It concerns the rather bland character of Lucy (Johnny Sequoyah) who is returning to her remote home in Hawaii to spend some time with her celebrity author father (Academy Award winner Troy Kotsur) and her teenage sister Erin (Gia Hunter). The family just so happens to own a chimpanzee as a pet. Given the chimp's size, it's just a baby. There are no real trained chimps in "Primate," sadly, although that may be for the better. As anyone who has seen "Nope" can tell you, chimps are vicious and unpredictable when they get older. As comedian Dana Gould once said, "If you get to the point in your life when you wake up one morning and go, 'You know, I think I need a chimp,' you're doing too much." 

There's some passing mention that Lucy's and Erin's mother died of cancer a year ago, but that's not much explored. I appreciate the scenes of Kotsur with his daughters, as they all use American Sign Language together without speaking, adding some needed quiet to the movie. Kostur has an affable chemistry with his co-stars, and I believed — in teeny, tiny fits — that they were a family. 

In tow on the vacation is Lucy's best friend Kate (Victoria Wyant), and a less-liked friend named Hannah (Jessica Alexander). There's also a boring bohunkular dude named Nick (Benjamin Cheng), a childhood friend and potential love interest for Lucy. He has less personality than the dead mongoose that is presented to Lucy in a plastic bag. 

Oh yes, and there will be two ancillary characters, horny frat boys Lucy meets on a plane, who will wander into the movie just long enough to become forensic evidence. Ben's madness is easily explained as a case of rabies, and this is the kind of movie wherein several characters, cornered by an attacking animal, will stop to ask if chimpanzees can even get rabies. Early in the film, someone points out (rightly) that chimpanzees cannot swim, forcing everyone into the pool. Ben lurks by the edge, eyeballing them all hungrily. Ben can communicate using a type-and-speak tool, but has little to say other than short phrases like "Lucy bad." 

A too-large portion of "Primate" involves the main characters, trapped in a pool with one of them injured, exiting one by one to see if they can locate a phone to call for help. Naturally, when they exit, Ben charges in to break their jaws and/or hands, then pound them with his ape strength. While it's not the most comfortable position to be in, perhaps it would have been wiser to wait in the pool until dad got home. 

The chimp suit must not have looked very good from a distance, as Johannes Roberts doesn't provide the audience with any wide shots of Ben. It's mostly closeups and quick edits. The chimp mask is fine, but it would have been nice to see a chimp leaping and running at one's normal capability. "Primate," sadly, isn't going to be a high-octane Raimi-esque cartoon of hominid-on-hominid violence. It's too low-budget for that. 

One can credit a lot of the film's effectiveness to Adrian Johnston, who has composed a marvelously gripping score that lies on a matrix with John Carpenter and a 1970s Italian giallo. There is a lot of repetitive electronic buzzing and humming, giving the film an intense B-movie vibe. One cam picture the "Primate" soundtrack being released on vinyl by a boutique outlet like Waxwork Records. The music may even play better, were it presented independently of the film. 

What is "Primate" about? Heck if I know. In terms of story and character, "Primate" hardly exists at all. In terms of bold, create action, it falls a little short. But in terms of cheap, late-night, exploitation flick fun, it satisfies. You paid your money to see a chimp rip off a guy's face, and "Primate" provides. 

Director Johannes Roberts has directed 10 feature films since his debut in 2004, most of them horror movies or thrillers, and his results have been ... mixed. His shark flick "47 Meters Down" was novel, and I definitely admired "The Strangers: Prey at Night." Roberts served as the second unit director on the very good "The First Omen," although his attempt to reboot a franchise with "Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City" was abysmal. With "Primate," Roberts is holding steady as a capable, fitfully remarkable grindhouse guru. If he keeps up the pace, Roberts will be admired as a legit master of horror in another 20 years, merely by dint of his tenacity. He has no classics yet, but he has an eye for blood, and we horror fans can appreciate that. 

/Film Rating: 5 out of 10

"Primate" opens in theaters on January 9, 2026.