One Of Best 'Bad' Holiday Movies Ever Is Streaming For Free On Tubi

Everyone has their usual brand of holiday favorites to watch around Christmastime, but going against the grain of the classics can sometimes prove to be even more fun. I'm as prone to languishing in the cold dread of "Blast of Silence" or getting blitzed with "Adult Swim Yule Log" as much as I am to crying with "It's a Wonderful Life." But then you have weird cult oddities existing in the margins of Tubi like Nicholas Webster's "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians," a bizarre children's holiday comedy you kind of have to see to believe. The 1964 film has largely existed among the canon of the worst movies ever made, with generations of viewers learning of its existence through "Mystery Science Theater 3000." Some have even recently learned about it through a joke in the "Guardians of the Galaxy Holiday Special." I don't think the film is as bad as its reputation suggests, but more on that later.

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is all over the place regarding plot, but the basic gist is that the children of Mars, Bomar (Chris Month) and Girmar (a very young Pia Zadora), feel despondent when they watch television programs from Earth. On Mars, information is fed directly into their brains through machines and computers, leaving little room for autonomy and free thinking. Santa Claus (John Call) is like an enigma to them. In an effort to get them out of their funk, however, Kimar (Leonard Hicks) – hilariously short for King Martian, assembles a crew to kidnap Jolly Old Saint Nick so he can make toys for his kids.

What follows is an incredibly goofy holiday sci-fi movie that's way too charming to write off entirely.

I'm not about to reclaim "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" as some kind of secret masterpiece. It's an extremely low-budget kids' movie with flimsy sets, questionable performances, and a very loose story that feels stretched out at 81 minutes. But I find a lot of its imperfections oddly charming. It looks great on Tubi, yet I really came to appreciate its zaniness after seeing the remastered Blu-ray from AFGA. It's the only version of the movie whose intermission comes with a PSA from Gene Hackman about buying Christmas Seals to prevent Tuberculosis. "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" features plenty of laughs, whether it be the Martian parents using a sleeping spray on the kids, the "Custume Designer" spelling error in the opening credits, or Mrs. Claus (Doris Rich) having an incredible reaction to learning she's on television. There's also a cute joke where the Martians have a difficult time locating the real Santa because of all the imitators around the world.

It's all incredibly silly piece holiday kitsch featuring a bunch of actors taking their roles seriously, especially when Kimar (Leonard Hicks) speaks to Chochem (Carl Don), the 800 year-old sage of Mars who basically tells him that Mars kind of sucks. Not to mention that the sets, however ramshackle they may be, are more creatively lit with colors and shadows than a lot of contemporary movies with gargantuan budgets. It's quite embarrassing. If you're not into cult sensations like I am, then I can see "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" testing your patience, especially with aggressively childish comic relief characters like Dropo (Bill McClutcheon) flopping all over the place. But if there's one reason to give this movie a shot, it's, well, Santa.

At the center of "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is Broadway performer John Call as the man himself. I'd be hard-pressed to place him above the greats like Edmund Gwenn ("Miracle on 34th Street") and Ed Asner ("Elf") and even David Harbour ("Violent Night"), but Call is pretty great in the role. He's such a delightful presence who exudes all of the warmth, kindness, and humor you would expect Santa to possess. When the Martians lay siege to his workshop, Call's Santa is more amused than anything else. He's hardly ever upset, barring the idea of not being able to deliver toys on Christmas Eve. The funniest thing about the title is that Santa technically doesn't conquer any Martians, so much as embrace them. The film's main antagonist is Voldar (Vincent Beck), Kimar's right-hand man, who doesn't believe in this Christmas junk and thinks things should go back to the way they are.

In spite of being kidnapped by extraterrestrial beings in servitude, Santa takes everything in stride. He goes to work right away in the hopes of bringing Christmas joy to the children of Mars. I also hold a real soft spot for the catchy as hell "Hooray for Santy Claus" song that bookends the film. It's cut,e and I won't hear otherwise. Say what you will about its cheap production value and corny effects, but "Santa Conquers the Martians" is the kind of sugary Yuletide irregularity that only could have been in the early '60s. I'll take colorful sincerity over sterile AI slop anyday. Hooray for Santy Claus, indeed.

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is currently streaming on Tubi. Be sure to go with the version that's 81 minutes long.