Lindsay Lohan werewolf

When Lindsay Lohan burst onto the scene with Disney’s The Parent Trap remake back in 1998, who could have foreseen a future in which, more than twenty years later, we’d be seeing a Lindsay Lohan werewolf noir film? That day has finally arrived.

Here’s the trailer for Among the Shadows, in which Lohan plays a woman who hires a werewolf private investigator to find out who’s trying to kill her politician husband. You’ve gotta see this to believe it.

Among the Shadows Trailer

I don’t make a habit of dissing indie movies that clearly aren’t working with high-quality resources, but this looks like a high school A/V club was given a $5,000 budget and told to go nuts with it. Look at this thing! It’s like if Underworld went on a two-week bender, wandered into a 99 cent store, tripped, and crashed into a bargain bin of film noir DVDs. I’m all for scrappy little productions which make the most of wild premises, but those line readings…woof. And not just from Lohan (who feels remarkably subdued even when delivering lines like, “The stakes are a lot higher now”), but from every single person who speaks in this trailer. The dialogue, the lighting, those godawful visual effects to indicate who is a werewolf: this seems tailor-made for late-night drunken group viewings.

Charlotte Beckett plays Kristy Wolfe (get it? Wolfe?), a private investigator who hails from a long line of werewolves. She and her partner (Gianni Capaldi) are investigating her uncle’s murder. Enter Lindsay Lohan as Patricia, the First Lady (?!) who’s apparently worried that the government security at her husband’s disposal isn’t enough to keep him safe. Again, all of this sounds like it could be legitimately fun in the proper circumstances, but this version seems as if it’ll be lucky to enter the “so bad, it’s enjoyable” category. Tiago Mesquita pulls a Paul Thomas Anderson or Alfonso Cuaron here as both director and cinematographer, and I’m afraid it’ll be a long time before anyone ever puts him in that company.

This is Lohan’s first film since The Canyons, which was released back in 2013. She began filming this only two years later, and though production finished in early 2016, Among the Shadows (also known as The Shadow Within) one has been on a shelf ever since. Momentum Pictures published this trailer on their YouTube page, but there’s no release date set yet, so it may still be a while before this bizarre-looking movie finds its audience.

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