fast and furious counting wisdom

Number of Inane Pieces of Wisdom: 20

  • The Fast and the Furious: 5
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious: 0
  • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: 5
  • Fast and Furious: 4
  • Fast Five: 1
  • Fast and Furious 6: 0
  • Furious 7: 5

When the characters in the Fast and Furious movies aren’t driving, they tend to huddle around tables, drinking beers and swapping stories coated in grease and life experience. Often, these stories feature their fair share of jock philosophizing, featuring lines like “I live my life a quarter mile at a time.” Naturally, most of these come from Dom, but the Dom-less Tokyo Drift gives the other movies a run for their money. It should be noted that 2 Fast 2 Furious and Fast and Furious 6, the most plot-driven movies of the bunch, were the only movies that didn’t cause me to ever wrinkle my forehead and mumble “What the hell is he talking about?” before marking another tally on the list.

Film Title: Fast & Furious 6

Number of Times Tej Delivers Techno-Babble Exposition: 8

  • The Fast and the Furious: 0
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious: 0
  • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: 0
  • Fast and Furious: 0
  • Fast Five: 2
  • Fast and Furious 6: 2
  • Furious 7: 4

This category is an interesting case where the results weren’t nearly as exciting as I was expecting. Originally introduced as a mechanic and race organizer in 2 Fast 2 Furious, Chris “Ludacris” Bridges’ Tej Parker eventually evolves in the crew’s “Q,” the weapons and technology guy who hooks them up with all kinds of nifty gadgets and tools. While there are many shots of Tej sitting behind a computer, typing away, there are only a small handful of moments where he explains something via hilariously obtuse techno-babble. Most of the time, he just has to look like he knows what he’s doing.

fast and furious counting nos

Number of Times NOS is Used: 27

  • The Fast and the Furious: 9
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious: 8
  • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: 1
  • Fast and Furious: 3
  • Fast Five: 2
  • Fast and Furious 6: 3
  • Furious 7: 1

A mainstay of the series, NOS is a dominating force in the early movies, with nearly every major character using nitrous oxide boosts to gain the edge in races and chases. However, Tokyo Drift, with its focus on stylish racing instead of fast racing, broke the series of its reliance on the stuff and the rest of the series followed suit, saving these massive speed boosts for vital moments (like ramping off a parking garage at a hovering helicopter). Interestingly, NOS was used less as the characters grew increasingly superhuman, as if relying on it would cheapen their impossible onscreen abilities. It’s telling that, in the later movies, NOS is used more often to power gadgets than it is to gives cars a boost.

fast and furious counting death

Number of Times Main Characters Would Have Died by All Reasonable Standards: 39

  • The Fast and the Furious: 2
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious: 1
  • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: 2
  • Fast and Furious: 4
  • Fast Five: 8
  • Fast and Furious 6: 7
  • Furious 7: 15

In order to qualify for this count, a single moment had to result in my yelling “Oh, come on! There’s no way he would have survived that!” at the television. Naturally, the earlier movies have a few of these moments, but they’re saved for the most dramatic scenes. By the later entries, characters are surviving accidents and situations that would have killed them ten times over. The fifth, sixth, and seventh films make a strong case for the entire Toretto crew being nothing short of invincible, walking away from wrecks that otherwise transformed their vehicles into scrap metal.

fast and furious counting han

Number of Snacks Han Consumes: 16

  • The Fast and the Furious: 0
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious: 0
  • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: 7 (not including 3 waters and 1 beer)
  • Fast and Furious: 1
  • Fast Five: 4
  • Fast and Furious 6: 4
  • Furious 7: 0

As explained in Fast Five, Han used to be a smoker, so he keeps his hands busy by constantly snacking (chips seem to be his snack of choice). To determine Han’s snack count, I followed one simple rule: every time the movie cuts to the new location, I note if he’s eating something; if he is, I counted it. The results were pretty steady, but Tokyo Drift (the movie where he has the most screen time) was the easy victor here.

Fast and Furious property damage infographics

Number of Times All Four Wheels Leave the Ground: 61

  • The Fast and the Furious: 7
  • 2 Fast 2 Furious: 4
  • The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift: 1
  • Fast and Furious: 11
  • Fast Five: 11
  • Fast and Furious 6: 5
  • Furious 7: 22

As Brian screams to Dom in Furious 7: “Cars don’t fly!” But they do in the Fast and Furious movies. To qualify here, a four-wheeled vehicle had to go airborne, with all four tires off the ground. This could be the result of an incidental bump on a mountain road, an intentional and dramatic ramp, or…a bunch of cars literally parachuting out of an airplane. As is often the case with this series, the numbers got bigger as the series went on, with part seven dominating the count.

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