Every Friday the 13th Kill

32. Out of Left Field

The Film: Friday the 13th (2009)

The Victim: Chelsea

The Gory Details: The best Friday the 13th kills are aware of the audience and understand our expectations. They toy with us, zig when we expect them to zag, and bring in the machete when we least suspect it. This is the greatest virtue of the 2009 remake, which uses our knowledge of past films in the series against us. First, Chelsea is struck by an out-of-control-motorboat (her boyfriend is literally dead at the wheel). Then she takes shelter under a nearby dock and we, the audience, await Jason’s attack from the water. Instead, his machete crashes through the dock and impales her right in the head. If you’re not screaming, you’re giggling at how well they pulled it off.

31. Another Terrifyingly Unstable Control Panel

The Film: Freddy vs. Jason

The Victim: Deputy Stubbs

The Gory Details: In part one of this list, I wrote about how every control panel in the Friday the 13th universe is dangerously unstable. Freddy vs. Jason continues this trend. When Jason embeds his machete in a control panel in the psychiatric hospital he’s rampaging through, electricity shoots through his body. So what is an undead serial killer to do? Why, grab the nearby police officer and hold on to him until he’s electrocuted to death, of course.

30. The Most Terrifyingly Unstable Control Panel

The Film: Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan

The Victim: Wayne

The Gory Details: But no unstable Friday the 13th control panels have anything on the unstable control panel located in the cruise ship engine room in Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. When nerdy videographer Wayne is thrown against it, the whole thing promptly explodes into sparks, catches fire, and electrocutes him to death. The resulting inferno sinks the entire ship, killing an untold number of other people. Just…don’t stand next to control panels in these movies.

29. Somehow, the Best Terrifyingly Unstable Control Panel

The Film: Friday the 13th Part III

The Victim: Chuck

The Gory Details: The franchise’s first unstable control panel is still my favorite, possibly because it’s so simple and doesn’t feel the need to go truly over-the-top with the aftermath. Then again, it’s probably because I enjoy the visual pun of Chuck, the series’ first true stoner character, getting smoked by fuse box. Get it? Smoked. Smoked. Because he smokes the marijuana, you see.

28. Eye-Popping Excitement

The Film: Friday the 13th Part III

The Victim: Rick

The Gory Details: In part one of this list, I ended up grouping together most of the series’ head crushings, mainly because they’re all iterations on the same concept. Rick’s head crush stands out from the pack because it dares to take things a step further. Not only does Jason crush his head with his bare hands, he crushes his head so hard that his eye literally pops out of his skull and flies at the camera in a hilarious 3D effect that is nothing short of delightful in 2D. This would be in the top 10 if Rick’s head didn’t look so miserably fake.

27. Look in Your Heart

The Film: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

The Victim: Hawes

The Gory Details: After sitting out the fifth movie altogether, Jason rises from the grave in part six, his rotting corpse reanimated by a lightning strike. So what’s the first thing a newly resurrected serial killer going to do? Why, punch straight through the chest of the nearest person and rip out his heart, of course! Welcome back, Jason.

26. Poor Little Annie

The Film: Friday the 13th

The Victim: Annie

The Gory Details: We first meet Annie as she’s hitchhiking to Camp Crystal Lake, where she will work as a cook at the new re-opened summer camp. She shrugs off the warnings from the locals, who tell her that the camp is cursed. Sure, people died there years ago, but it’s safe now. And then she hitches a ride in the wrong car and the unseen driver pursues her into the woods, stalks her, and cuts her throat. We’ll learn eventually that the mysterious killer is Pamela Voorhees, the mother of Jason himself. But while most of Jason’s kills are framed to be “fun,” Annie’s death at the hands of Mrs. Voorhees is uncomfortable and unpleasant, made all of the more effective by Tom Savini’s wholly convincing make-up and Annie’s good-natured innocence.

25. Chewie Gets Screwed

The Film: Friday the 13th (2009)

The Victim: Chewie

The Gory Details: While we’re on the subject of innocent characters meeting brutal ends, meet Chewie, the most inherently likable character in the 2009 remake and very possibly the most genuinely likable supporting character in the entire series. After accidentally breaking a chair, Chewie ventures to the tool shed so he can find the proper supplies to fix it (awww), only to find himself overpowered by Jason and stabbed through the throat with a screwdriver. As we’ve seen time and time again in these movies, trying to do the nice, brave, noble, or proper thing is the best way to get yourself killed.

24. They Could Afford to Flip an RV?!

The Film: Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives

The Victim: Cort

The Gory Details: Here’s how you know Friday the 13th Part VI: Jason Lives is a little bit more expensive than its predecessors: they can afford a full-on car crash. Specifically, Jason stabs Cort in the side of a head with a knife while he’s driving an RV (and blasting Alice Cooper), causing the vehicle to overturn and slide across the ground and burst into flames. The image of an unharmed Jason standing atop the flaming RV is sublime.

23. Target Practice

The Film: Friday the 13th

The Victim: Bill

The Gory Details: This is the highest ranked death we don’t actually get to see. The last time we see Bill alive, he’s off to get the generator up and running after the camp loses power. Because this is a horror movie, he doesn’t return and Alice heads out to find him. And find him she does: he’s pinned to the back of door with a series of arrows, the victim of Pamela Voorhees’ target practice. It’s an effective jolt and a sudden reminder that Alice, the first “Final Girl” of the franchise, is now completely alone.

22. Target Practice, Again

The Film: Friday the 13th (2009)

The Victim: Nolan

The Gory Details: The death of Nolan in the 2009 remake is a clear tribute to the series’ obsession with archery and speargun-related kills and it tops almost all of them. We’ve seen Jason the marksman in other movies, but we’ve never seen him fire an arrow right into the forehead of a guy recklessly piloting a speedboat across the lake. It sums up everything that’s refreshing about the remake’s take on Jason Voorhees: he’s not just a brute, but a brute who also happens to be a highly skilled hunter and survivalist.

21. Target Practice: Close Range Edition

The Film: Friday the 13th Part IV: The Final Chapter

The Victim: Paul

The Gory Details: Of course, Jason is also quite good at utilizing long-range weapons in close quarters, as seen when he dispatches Paul with a speargun…by shoving said speargun into his groin and pulling the trigger. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.

Continue Reading Every Friday the 13th Kill Ranked: 20-11 >>

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