Comedy Horror Movies The Average Person Would Never Survive
Horror comedies are difficult to execute well — there needs to be just the right balance of terrifying scares and lighthearted laughs. But it truly is a wonderful subgenre when that balance is found. Films such as "The Lost Boys," "The Little House of Horrors," and "Shaun of the Dead" stand the test of time for this very reason, by being able to provide viewers with the adrenaline rush of horror, followed by the relief of comedy.
Admittedly, though, many horror comedies stretch their believability in order to create tension. Though there are some movies in the subgenre that the average person could probably survive if they just properly paid attention, the plots of so many of these wacky films would make them extremely difficult, if not impossible, for real people to survive. Here are just a few, from schlocky B-movies to underrated cult classics and even a few big studio titles. Would you be able to make it out of these movies alive?
Piranha
Roger Corman's first attempt at cashing in on the success of "Jaws" was this Joe Dante cheese-fest, which became an extremely profitable cult favorite. The film follows what happens when officials don't pay attention to critical infrastructure, as it is revealed when a school of deadly piranha are mistakenly released into a popular lake. Being able to survive even the deadliest of poisons, these fish wreak havoc and munch on anything that has blood and a pulse.
Perhaps a controversial opinion here, but piranhas are scarier than sharks. Sure, they're smaller, but sharks will leave you alone if you leave them alone. It's as simple as that with sharks. Piranhas aren't like that, and if they think you're a tasty snack, they'll do whatever they can to get a little nibble. Needless to say, if a popular lake gets infested with piranhas, the chances of you getting out of there alive are slim.
The Lair of the White Worm
While his movies are well-known for their absurdity, comedy isn't the first genre you often think of when you think of Ken Russell. That isn't to say he shied away from the genre (see "The Boy Friend"), but Russell's movies tend to be more intense, thrilling, or disturbing in their imagery. "The Lair of the White Worm" combines wacky British humor with the director's penchant for the bizarre, centering around an archeology student (Peter Capaldi) and his ragtag group of investigators (Hugh Grant, Catherine Oxenberg, Sammi Davis) as they uncover the truth behind the seductive Lady Sylvia (Amanda Donohoe).
Despite Russell's usual flair, the evils in this movie aren't that different than your standard vampire fare. Sure, the vampire in question is more akin to a human-snake hybrid, but as bizarre as it might look, the kills in this movie aren't plentiful. That being said, there is no way that anyone could resist the temptations of Lady Sylvia. Even if you knew that being around her would result in death, who cares? Just look at her.
Society
Brian Yuzna's directorial debut secured him as one of the best directors of body horror in the horror genre, and rightfully so. Using gruesome practical effects to drive home its salacious commentary on classism in America, the film follows teenage Bill (Billy Warlock), who thinks that his parents (Charles Lucia and Connie Danese) are acting far stranger than normal. This observation, coupled with a disturbing audio tape given to him by his sister's ex-boyfriend (Tim Bartell), leads him to discover a truly gruesome truth about his family, as well as those in their inner circle.
If you find yourself among this crowd, you're only there for one reason: the shunting. You're about to be sucked dry of all your vital nutrients, your final memory being that of a massive melding of flesh mounds all sucking you up like a Capri-Sun. The only reason Bill even survived was because of his friend Milo (Evan Richards) and crush Clarissa (Devin DeVasquez), who is a member of the shunters but is in love with Bill. Basically, unless a member of this class falls in love with you for more than just nutritional purposes, you're a goner.
Tremors
The fear of what is unknown underneath the Earth is a concept that has existed in horror in various forms over the years. However, "Tremors" is arguably the movie that takes this fear to its extremes, envisioning that prehistoric worm creatures could emerge from the ground at any minute and wreck havoc. When two handymen (Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward) discover the terrifying entities laying below the surface of Perfection, Nevada, they turn to a graduate geology student (Finn Carter) and a couple preparing for doomsday (Michael Gross and Reba McEntire) to ensure the town's safety.
This might sound a bit harsh, but the world of "Tremors" is lucky that the film's creatures and worms were situated in a small town. Surviving the onslaught in Perfection seemed nearly impossible for our protagonists, so just imagine how much of a nightmare it would be if they had emerged underneath a suburb or a metropolitan city. The chaos that could happen in that scenario would be unparalleled. If you thought the damage done in this movie was bad, think about that scenery change.
Arachnophobia
The fear of spiders is among one of the most common fears a person can have, so Arachnophobia, directed by Frank Marshall, likely sent shivers up many people's spines when it was released. A mysterious breed of spiders with potentially prehistoric origins has been discovered in Venezuela, with the hive's rare fertile spider finding its way from the country to a small California town. After breeding with a house spider, a new breed of venomous and vicious spiders begin populating the town, killing their victims almost immediately with just one bite.
Nobody likes spiders, and if anyone tells you that they do, they are a liar. Even the most hardcore of spider-lovers (liars), however, likely won't defend the spiders that infest the town of Canaima. The bite of these spiders can kill extremely quickly and, as seen in the movie, painfully, and if it wasn't for the characters of the film, they would have been able to reproduce. Can you imagine trying to survive this movie, especially if you have a fear of spiders?
Braindead/Dead Alive
The movie that set Peter Jackson on the road to superstardom is one that couldn't be further from his work on "The Lord of the Rings." However, "Braindead" is an absolutely delightful and sick watch for anyone who loves horror movies with an extra side of gore. When a rat-monkey hybrid bites his overbearing but loving mother, Vera (Elizabeth Moody), the timid Lionel (Timothy Basime) finds himself needing to save his New Zealand city from a zombie apocalypse. Not only that, but he has to contend with the fact that his crush, Paquita (Diana Peñalver), might actually like him back.
Does this really need an explanation as to why you likely wouldn't survive this movie? The zombies in this movie aren't your typical stumbling corpses, but rather full-blown monsters that tear their victims apart in gory fashion. Not only that, but did you see that lawnmower blade that Lionel uses to cut up all those zombies in the final act? Yeah, that's all you really need to know about why this cult classic is on this list.
Slither
It's weird to think that we wouldn't have "Guardians of the Galaxy" or "The Suicide Squad" without "Slither," and it's even weirder to think that James Gunn still has his distinctly outlandish and sometimes horrific style after all these years. It probably doesn't hurt having such a distinctly gross and memorable movie like "Slither" be your debut feature. The film, once again, centers on the residents of a small town, which gets infested with alien parasites that have the ability to mind-control and mutate their victims.
Let's not beat around the bush here. "Slither" is a pretty disgusting movie, and if you're unlucky enough to be in Wheelsy, or any other small town that could be the breeding ground for this alien parasite, then kiss your normal life goodbye. If you're lucky, you'll become a regular old zombie (albeit with a bit more personality than most), but if you're not, you're likely to become the stuff of body horror legends.
Zombieland
Surviving the zombie apocalypse is already hard enough, but if you're dealing with the world in "Zombieland," you might also find yourself needing to remember a whole lot of tips in order to survive just another day. Such is the case with former college student Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg), who finds himself bonding with three survivors with very different survival priorities and rules: Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), Wichita (Emma Stone), and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin). Over the course of the film and an additional ten years due to its 2019 sequel, the group accrues a total of 33 rules essential for surviving the apocalypse.
The problem with this scenario is that, in order to survive the ongoing zombie apocalypse, you'd better learn all of these rules inside and out. If not, then you're screwed. It's obvious that these things were learned with time, but both "Zombieland" movies make a point to prove that Tallahassee isn't a normal dude. Thus, his rules can be very hard to remember in the heat of the moment. If you were dropped into the world of "Zombieland" without any preparation, could you handle it?
The Cabin in the Woods
If you clicked on this article expecting to see "The Cabin in the Woods" included, then congratulations! It did, because how couldn't it? What starts off as a stereotypical retread of slasher movies quickly becomes an exploration into the horror genre as a whole, as a shadowy corporation is revealed to be controlling several horror movie events all over the world. As the lead-up to the collision of these different worlds heats up, dark secrets about the purpose of the organization and its experiments come to light. Oh, and Sigourney Weaver makes an appearance. How can anyone not love this movie?
Here's the thing; you're not surviving this movie even if you were able to defeat all of the monsters sent your way, at least if you were able to avoid shedding the right amount of blood. That's because if the ritual blood-letting is complete, the world is going to end, and you and all 8 billion other people on Earth will die. Sorry!