Smurf Heaven

Smurfing Hell

Now we all know that series villain Gargamel is not a nice guy, as he’s always trying to catch those Smurfs for some reason, but the way our heroes confront him in the episode Heavenly Smurfs is pretty evil. While chasing a group of smurfs one day, Gargamel slips and knocks himself out. The Smurfs decide to capitalize on this moment in a pretty elaborate plan. They don angel outfits, fill the place with smoke, and convince him that he’s dead and somehow made it to heaven. He’s at least overjoyed that his lifelong obsession has led him here, but they convince him that he’s going back and that if he doesn’t change his ways he’s heading straight down.

In order to change things, they suggest Gargamel be nice to the Smurfs from now on, and they basically make a slave out of him. He tries to be nice to them and follows their every whim, building bridges and dams and doing so much work he eventually throws out his back. He continues on, in obvious pain, because of the fear of disappointing them. All the while, the Smurfs sit back, picnicking and laughing at him, making puns about hell.

Gargamel eventually figures out an important lesson – it’s a terrible life.

Smurfberry Crunch

Smurfberry Crunch Poop 

Every single 1980’s cartoon had to have a cereal tie-in, and The Smurfs was no exception. Smurfberry Crunch (#1 ingredient: sugar) was a cereal crammed with blue and red smurfberries, but the blue ones turned out to be the most memorable. It didn’t just make the milk in your bowl blue – it also made your poop blue as well.

Fun fact! Blue food dye is generally made from coal tar, oil, or the same synthetic indigo that ends up in your blue jeans. There is no natural blue flavor anywhere in your pantry. This is why it’s generally inadvisable to something that has a lot of it, but hey, when it’s pumped into a sugary cereal, who can resist?

This turned into a problem when parents saw their children leaving bright blue poops in their potties. Fortunately, it didn’t seem to affect anyone besides the alarming smurf color, and future cereal tie-ins didn’t have the same issue.

The Europe, No One Can Hear You Smurf

In 1977 the United States was in the midst of disco fever, kicked off by the Bee Gees’ best-selling soundtrack to Saturday Night Fever. But Europe was going through a bit of a stranger phase, one that made a star of one Petrus Antonius Laurentius “Pierre” Kartner.

A Dutch musician with the stage name of Father Abraham, the prolific musician likely didn’t expect a promo song for an animated Smurfs movie to be his biggest hit ever. The record company didn’t expect it either, as they pressed a mere 1,000 copies of the single, The Smurf Song. That was quickly determined to be far too little, and further presses of the single sold 400,000 copies. A later full album (Father Abraham In Smurfland) sold a further 500,000 copies and shot to the Number One slot in 16 different countries.

As I said, a strange phase.

Smurfs: The Lost Village preview

Smurfs’ A Crowd

How many Smurfs is too much Smurfs? The folks at Jokers’ Masquerade (a British costume company) found out just how many back in 2009, when their smurf to arms led a staggering 2,510 blue folks to show up at Swansea University. Guinness was there to mark the occasion and indeed, it gave them the record for Most People Dressed As Smurfs.

This record holds to this day. Remarkably, this is one of the highest “gathering of people dressed as X” records of all times. Vampires only managed to suck up 1,039 people, while Sumo wrestlers only drew a mere 293 participants, although they probably needed more room for the blown up costumes.

Skeletons has a record of 2,018 participants, and are you going to really take that lying down, Smurfs? Grab some Smurfberry Crunch and take to the streets!

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