Thor: Love And Thunder Features A Major Canon Error And We Are Outraged! Outraged!
On Monday, we finally got the long-awaited teaser trailer for the upcoming Marvel film "Thor: Love and Thunder." We were shown glimpses of Thor's (Chris Hemsworth) workout routine, his self-realization meditation on a mountaintop under a tree, his team-up with the Guardians of the Galaxy, the loss of his God buddy Falligar the Behemoth, and his meeting with Zeus (Russell Crowe). We also saw his two lovely blue eyes gazing at Star-Lord (Chris Pratt) ... wait, what?
Friends, this is a horrible travesty that must not go unaddressed! I am filled with righteous outrage and fury! Does no one check these things the way we observant fans do? Did Chris Hemsworth not remember having a contact lens shoved in his face before shooting every scene he appeared in during "Avengers: Endgame?" Will no one speak for the ass eye? No, wait. That didn't sound right. Let me explain.
In "Thor: Ragnarok," our God of Thunder's eye was put out by his sister Hela (Cate Blanchett), but in "Avengers: Infinity War," Rocket Raccoon (voice of Bradley Cooper), aka "sweet rabbit," as Thor calls him, offers Odinson a prosthetic eye. It's a lovely gesture, allowing Thor to remove the eye patch he'd been wearing and pop it right in. Sweet rabbit does offer one caveat after Thor puts the eye in the socket. He stole it from a man he'd made a bet with and snuck it off Contraxia in his ... well he doesn't exactly say "ass," but it's implied.
Do not disrespect the gift of the sweet rabbit this way!
So, after all of that; Rocket's very uncomfortable escape with an eyeball in his ass, Thor's acceptance of the butt gift, and the wearing of it in "Avengers: Endgame" ... now "Thor: Love and Thunder" takes that all away? Yell your outrage and anger along with mine, friends. I am throw-my-Marvel-Blu-rays-against-the-wall-harass-everyone-talking-about-the-teaser-on-Twitter angry. Forget every other incredibly cool thing in the teaser trailer! Forget the fact that this movie looks like a total blast! Forget the fact that director Taika Waititi is a comic genius and would never overlook something like this. I have the angrys! Boycott Marvel or something! Yell at everyone who mentions Thor! Punch babies on the street in protest!*
Sure, maybe an ass eye isn't the most hygienic thing to have in your face. But still ... I mean, I guess he might have wanted matching eyes, but this is an inconsistency! Yeah, fine, maybe an eye that looked the same as the other one was part of his whole makeover summer with the workout montage, or maybe Valkyrie (Tessa Thompson) was tired of looking at it or hearing about the "sweet rabbit" ass eye or something and made him change it.
No! No excuses! I'm mad, I tells ya! Let's go picket the Marvel offices with signs that say something like, "We want the ass eye!" No? No one's with me? Fine then. I'll go start a Twitter hashtag #asseye or something. Sheep!
"Thor: Love and Thunder" will hit theaters on July 8, 2022.
*Do not punch babies.