Here Are The Stupid Names We Came Up With For The Book Of Boba Fett's New Sand Monster
"What's in a name? That which we call a gigantic sand lizard with multiple limbs by any other name would punch as hard. So gigantic sand lizard with multiple limbs would, were he not gigantic sand lizard with multiple limbs called, retain that dear strength which he owes." -Shakespeare after he watched the debut episode of "The Book of Boba Fett," probably.
The worlds of "Star Wars" are filled with lush and fascinating characters, but many of them have names so ridiculous they make those WASPy moms who pick baby names using leftover Scrabble tiles like "Reighfyl" (pronounced like "Rifle," of course) look boring and sane. Sure, "Star Wars" is home to all time greats like "Luke Skywalker" and "Padmé Amidala," but it's also the same franchise that gave us "Therm Scissorpunch," "Biggs Darklighter," "Jek Porkins," Salacious B. Crumb," "Dud Bolt," and my personal favorite, "Elan Sel'Sabagno" aka "Elan Sleazebaganno."
The first episode of "The Book of Boba Fett" introduced us to a new monster from the sands of Tatooine, but as of right now, the creature remains nameless. We surely can't allow this scary beast to continue existing without a name, or else it'll end up sharing a similar fate as Grogu, who will be called "Baby Yoda" until the day he dies. Or worse, he'll end up like me, a girl named "BJ" because my parents didn't think things through. Fortunately, the wonderful team at /Film has done the legwork and come up with our own list of potential names for the beast. And just to be clear, until Lucasfilm gives a name, these are the OFFICIAL options.
The Official and 100% Only Possible Name Options For The Giant Sand Monster
Right off the bat, we've got the simple suggestions of "Steve the Sand Monster" or "The Tatooine Titan" because you can never go wrong with a classic. Given the monster's four arms, we couldn't help but notice the similarities to a certain Mortal Kombat character, so why not call it out and name it "Gritty Goro?" The monster is a terrifying villain from the sands, so we could also pay homage to the actor who played Xerxes in "300: Rise of An Empire," another villain from the sand lands, and call it "Rodrigo Sand-toro." Okay, yes I hear you, the reference might be a bit of a stretch and we should think more obviously, so who could deny the power and influence of a strong name like "Carlos Sandtana?" No one, that's who.
Chances are, this beast might not actually be a villain and was just trying to survive. In that case, we also have names that sound a bit more kind, like "Adam Sand-ler" or "Sandra Dee." Personally, I'm fond of "Sandra Elizabeth — Sand Liz for Short," because we shouldn't be operating under the assumption that the monster is male. Ladies can terrorize entire civilizations too! The monster also crawls out of the sand as if it's escaping something, so "Sandy Dufresne" is also a contender. Most impressive perhaps, was the gigantic sound erupting from its mouth, so "Sand Malone" and "Desert Lovato" are a great way to honor the creature's vocal prowess.
As for the genuine contenders, prepare yourself, because three names stand above them all. "Sandy Patinkin," "Whoa Black Betty, Sandalam," and "Desert Arnaz." No need to thank us, Lucasfilm. Have your people call our people.