'Gods Of Egypt' Trailer: In Which Giant Monsters And Raging Gods Somehow Look Boring

On paper, Gods of Egypt sounds like a real treat – an old-school adventure movie that uses Egyptian mythology as stepping stone to showcase gnarly monsters and giant battles between immortal gods should be something any self-respecting fan of good things can get behind. But in trailer form, Gods of Egypt looks like a disaster. It also looked like a disaster when the second trailer arrived. And now, the third time is not the charm.

Still, there are noteworthy elements scattered throughout the wreckage of the new preview that are worthy of your time and attention, should you be interested in such things.

First of all, here's that new trailer, which features a one-eyed Nikolaj Coster-Waldau stabbing giant worms with a spear. Does that sound cool? It does sound cool, right?

As rough as Gods of Egypt looks, this silly movie has its hooks in me in a big, weird way. Between that thrashing heavy metal guitar and wacky, colorful imagery, director Alex Proyas (we'll always have Dark City, my good sir) seems to have bottled the aura of an Egyptian-themed RPG session played in a dark basement and Dungeon Master-ed by a guy with Iron Maiden posters on his walls. I doubt anyone set out to conjure up that image when they spent millions of dollars on what they hoped would be a blockbuster hit, but hey, it's certainly convinced me to buy a ticket. In other words, I'm probably an idiot.

Plus, I can't really say no to any more trailer that has more crazy monsters onscreen than it does human beings. Look at this shot! Gerard Butler is making a big, threatening speech and there's a giant beetle just chilling out on the background. He's not even the focus of the shot! The world of Gods of Egypt has so many creatures that they just get to hang out in the background.

gods of egypt trailer

I can't help it. This is my jam. This is going to result in a Clash of the Titans-sized burn and I'm going to learn nothing. Here's the official synopsis:

In this spectacular action-adventure inspired by the classic mythology of Egypt, the survival of mankind hangs in the balance as an unexpected mortal hero Bek [Brenton Thwaites] undertakes a thrilling journey to save the world and rescue his true love. In order to succeed, he must enlist the help of the powerful god Horus [Nikolaj Coster-Waldau] in an unlikely alliance against Set [Gerard Butler], the merciless god of darkness, who has usurped Egypt's throne, plunging the once peaceful and prosperous empire into chaos and conflict.  As their breathtaking battle against Set and his henchmen takes them into the afterlife and across the heavens, both god and mortal must pass tests of courage and sacrifice if they hope to prevail in the epic final confrontation.

Gods of Egypt opens on February 26, 2016.