This Everyone Loves Raymond Star's Failed Sitcom About A Cop Reincarnated As A Dog Is Legendary

Everybody knows in a second life, we all come back sooner or later. As anything from a pussycat to a man-eating alligator. Well, you all may think my story, is more fiction than it's fact. But believe it or not, Poochinski dear, decided he'd come back. As a dog. 

Apologies to Ralph Carmichael and Paul Hampton, the writers of the theme song for the 1965 sitcom "My Mother the Car," but their song that mostly describes the premise of the notorious failed 1990 sitcom "Poochinski." "Poochinski" was a buddy-cop comedy series that starred Peter Boyle — nominated for seven Emmys for his work on "Everybody Loves Raymond" — as a jaded, grizzled, hard-sinning Chicago cop named Stanley Poochinski. In the show's pilot episode, Stanley is seen befriending a stray English bulldog, vowing to take care of it. On that same day, Stanley is paired with a mismatched rookie partner named Robert McKay, played by George Newbern. During their attempt to foil a heist-in-progress, Stanley is shot and killed, leaving McKay distraught. 

For no real discernable reason, however, Stanley's soul somehow takes over the body of the English bulldog, and Poochinski returns to life as a talking, intelligent dog. In wide shots, the dog is played by actual animal actors, but in closeups, the dog is a puppet. Pooschinski feels that he should return to police work right away, his species transmigration a mere inconvenience. The dog Poochinski and McKay team up to track down Poochinski's killers and, presumably, go on weekly adventures solving crimes. 

Audiences never saw those "weekly adventures," however, as "Poochinski" never made it past its pilot episode. The pilot aired on June 9, 1990, and was never heard from again. 

"Poochinski" was penned by three TV veterans who were seemingly indulging in a bizarre fit of pique. One of the screenwriters was David Kirschner who, at the time, was best known for writing "Child's Play" and "Child's Play 2," films that are also about a human soul transmigrating into the body of a non-human being (in those cases, a toy doll). Kirschner also wrote several notable family-friendly films, including the "American Tail" movies and "The Pagemaster." He has a story credit on the widely beloved "Hocus Pocus." Kirschner rotated back and forth between producing horror and animation projects, overseeing both the excellent Bill Paxton thriller "Frailty" and the animated "Curious George" movies. Whether "Poochinski" counts as horror or family-friendly comedy is up for debate. 

Bringing some animal appeal to "Poochinski" was co-writer Brian Levant, who took his experience on the pilot to direct films like "Beethoven," "Snow Dogs," and "Max 2: White House Hero." Levant also directed notorious kid-friendly Hollywood schlock movies like "The Flintstones," "Jingle All the Way," and "The Spy Next Door." Lon Diamond, the third "Poochinski" screenwriter, would go on to create and write the gloriously off-center sitcom "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" and write the "Leave It to Beaver" movie in 1997. This was a dream team of commercial Hollywood bigwigs all attempting to break through. 

But, imagine that, "Poochinski" did not break through. It only ever aired the once, and was barely remembered by those who saw it. Indeed, "Poochinski" was only rescued from the cultural ashheap when enterprising internet users began uploading their old VHS recordings of the show online. As such, all the images of "Poochinski" are of VHS quality; no one bothered to remaster this weird series for a DVD release.

And how is the show? It's as weird as it sounds. 

The pilot episode is so odd, it's almost off-putting. Peter Boyle plays the part as well as it was scripted, portraying a loutish character who pulls guns on kids when he sees them abusing a dog. But it's hard to find humor in watching a Lothario try to flirt with women in the body of a dog, and one won't be so distracted as to notice that the series doesn't possess a really strange premise. Poochinski, in dog form, wants to continue to drink and womanize, and actually becomes more incorrigible post-transformation. Also, in dog form, Poochinski notices that he begins to take on dog-like qualities. He pees on his partner's uniform out of spite, and bites perps in the crotch. It's unlikely that Poochisnki regularly did these things in human form. Perhaps some of the dog's soul remained in its body.

There is also a truly surreal moment halfway through the pilot when Poochinki, already a dog, locks himself in a bathroom and has a good long stare at himself in the mirror. For a brief moment, he has an existential crisis, finally accepting just how strange it was that he transmigrated into the body of an animal. Is he a human in a dog's body, or is he a dog? And what does that mean for the rest of his life? Will he die of old age sooner? How will he be treated? Watching the dog puppet ponder its own existence is absurdity of the highest order. 

Resourceful internet sleuths will be able to find the "Poochinski" pilot online easily enough. It's definitely worth a look, but merely because it's a unique curio.