Sam Neill Led A Star-Studded Cast In One Of The Worst Flops Ever Released

If you remember Frédéric Auburtin's 2015 sports drama "United Passions," then you are a rare individual indeed. The $30 million prestige picture — mostly funded by the Fédération Internationale de Football Association, aka FIFA — starred Tim Roth, "Jurassic Park" veteran Sam Neill, Gérard Depardieu, and Fisher Stevens, and it told the history of FIFA, from its formation in 1904 through the 2010 World Cup. It was a multigenerational story that traced the dramas and scandals the organization faced through the decades. Stevens played Cornelis August Wilhelm Hirschman, the president of FIFA from 1918 to 1920. Depardieu played Jules Rimet (president from 1921 to 1954), Neill played João de Havelange (1974 to 1998), and Roth played Sepp Blatter (1998 to 2015).

"United Passions" opened in 10 theaters in the United States in February of 2015 and made an embarrassing $918 on its opening weekend. Reports from Phoenix, Arizona, stated that the film made a whopping $9 opening weekend, meaning only one person bought a ticket. Was it you? Did you see "United Passions" in Phoenix in February of 2015? According to a 2017 report by The Guardian, "United Passions" was the lowest-grossing major commercial release in U.S. history.

Even when the film debuted at the Zürich Film Festival the previous October, it didn't make a lot of money. Only 120 people bothered to buy tickets. The bulk of its earnings came from the Festival. "United Passions" closed swiftly, earning a grand total of $168,832 worldwide. Despite the presence of Neill, Roth, Depardieu, and Stevens, no one seemed interested in a sweeping, crowd-pleasing, Oscar-bait-like FIFA biography in 2015. What happened? Why wasn't the film a success?

Oh, right. In 2015, FIFA was under investigation from the FBI and the IRS for massive cases of bribing, racketeering, and other financial scandals.

In the early months of 2015, dozens of higher-up FIFA members, hailing from all over the world, were arrested on charges of corruption and bribery. Sepp Blatter, the character played by Tim Roth in "United Passions," resigned in disgrace. The sporting corporations Traffic Sports USA and Traffic Sports International were also charged. A few months later, 16 more people were apprehended and thrown on the pile. Most of these people pled guilty in court. The investigations into FIFA's corruption stretched all the way back to 2001, revealing a web of bribery involving local police departments all over the world, all relating to the bidding over World Cup locations. Any city that hosts the World Cup will earn a lot of money in tourism dollars, and a black market bribing war sprang up. FIFA happily took the money. The case is way more complicated than that, of course, but most soccer fans knew the basics.

"United Passions," a treacly story about the quiet, gentle nobility of FIFA and its presidents, wasn't going to fly with modern audiences. Critics recognized right away that "United Passions" was meant to serve as pro-FIFA propaganda, and it received universally negative reviews. It has a 0% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes. The Wrap's Tim Appelo wrote that "United Passions," was "one of those rare films so unfathomably ghastly you could write a better one while sitting through its interminable 110 minutes. I'd rather re-watch Elton John's 'Gnomeo & Juliet' 110 times."

And it's not just the whiff of propaganda that makes the movie bad. There aren't many soccer scenes, so most of the action involves boring dudes in white suits in boardrooms. Moreover, "United Passions" doesn't actually provide any context for its few soccer scenes. Evidently, there are several significant wins and losses, and they are spoken of with great portent, but the movie doesn't bother to note why these games are notable. It's a far cry from Clint Eastwood's own historical soccer film "Invictus."

The Los Angeles Times wrote that "United Passions" boasted the worst-timed release in Hollywood history, and The Hollywood Reporter noted that the film's only value was high camp. Even IMDb users were unkind, giving the movie a score of 2.1 (out of 10), based on 4,500 responses. And IMDb users are notoriously lax in their standards.

John Oliver, on his HBO series "Last Week Tonight," covered the FIFA scandal in detail when the news broke and took a few moments to talk about "United Passions." Oliver observed, "This movie, like FIFA itself, looks terrible." He added, "Who makes a sports film where the heroes are the executives?" Oliver then pointed out that a 110-minute film about FIFA is never going to be as entertaining as a YouTube video of Sepp Blatter falling off a stage in public.

Roth said in an interview with Die Welt (quoted by The Hollywood Reporter) that he regretted taking his role, never bothering to interrogate the script or question the director. He admitted that he only took the part of Sepp Blatter for the money. He was putting his kids through college, you see. Roth was ultimately okay with his decision, though, because he got paid by FIFA, and FIFA was now disgraced forever. The actor never actually watched the film. From the sound of the reviews, he needn't ever bother. Roth got more money from Marvel, I'm sure.

One can indeed watch "United Passions" on streaming, the Roku Channel, Plex, or Fawsome. It seems, though, that the film will only ever be viewed as a research piece. It's a curiosity from a corrupt organization trying to make itself look good, even as its evils were being laid bare for the world.