best crazy ex-girlfriend songs

The underrated comedic masterpiece that is Crazy Ex-Girlfriend will be singing its final aria today on the CW in a two-hour series finale and live show that will cap off one of the sharpest, funniest, and most profound comedies on TV today. Created by Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKennaCrazy Ex-Girlfriend never got the audience it deserved because of its cringeworthy title, but in its four seasons on the air, it delivered a madcap and maddeningly perceptive depiction of mental illness through the frame of a romantic-comedy series.

So as we count down the hours until Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s swan song, we’ll be counting down the 15 best Crazy-Ex Girlfriend songs in the show’s whopping 150-plus song catalogue. Let’s generalize about songs!

15. Ping Pong Girl

This pop-punk parody so effectively skewers the entire musical genre that the YouTube comments can’t decide if it specifically satirizes Blink-182, Bowling for Soup, Panic at the Disco, or All Time Low. The answer: all of them. “Ping Pong Girl’s” insanely catchy tune is deceptively simple, mocking the punk bro culture that arose around the early 2000s while letting Rachel Bloom’s Rebecca play out her delusions of being an aloof but non-threatening sex object. Vincent Rodriguez III nails those nasally Blink-182-style vocal inflections and smoothly delivers the hysterically atonal lyrics like “Dudes sing these kinds of songs!” and “Let’s get a Costco card!”

Best Line: “She’s so hot but she doesn’t know it / She probably just found that outfit lying around / (Like, in the trash!)”

14. Let’s Have Intercourse

Scott Michael Foster showed he was more than just “the new guy” with this sweeping Ed Sheeran-inspired song that proved he could pull off Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s brand of weird comedy. The lilting romantic guitar clashes hilariously with the offensive lyrics like when Nathaniel tells Rebecca “You could use the exercise.” But more impressive is this song’s graceful choreography — the best in the series until the La La Land-esque “Antidepressants Are So Not a Big Deal” would later show it up with a rousing tap number. Though “Let’s Have Intercourse” is manifestly a parody of Sheeran’s “Thinking Out Loud,” it’s a sharp commentary on how most romantic pop songs are basically passive-aggressive insults.

Best Line: “I won’t be back to normal till I see what your nipples look like / They’re probably straightforward nipples.”

13. After Everything I’ve Done For You (That You Didn’t Ask For)

The best singer in the (very talented) cast, Donna Lynne Champlin gets to show off her chops in the soaring Broadway diva number, “After Everything I’ve Done For You (That You Didn’t Ask For).” A riff off of “Rose’s Turn” in Gypsy, the song is every rom-com sidekick’s lament, as Paula lists all the dark and dirty deeds she’s committed in order for Rebecca to live out her fantasy with Josh. But even as the song pulls back the curtain on Rebecca and Paula’s friendship, “After Everything I’ve Done For You” is a ceaselessly entertaining number, with Champlin proving to be a joy to watch, jazz hands and all.

Best Line: “You’re nothing without me / And my creativity / I created you / You lived in my womb / I mean, figuratively!”

12. We Tapped That Ass

A “Moses Supposes”-inspired tap dance number about past sexual conquests? Yes please! “We Tapped That Ass may not be as deeply meta as other great Crazy Ex-Girlfriend songs, but it is deeply hilarious and full of the kind of tongue-in-cheek double entendres that the show loves to bust out. Rodriguez and Fontana are having a ball as the mental projections of Rebecca’s exes, who perform a raucous tap dance number all over her apartment as she imagines a cheery song in her post-break-up fog that walks the familiar path for many women of self-hate and slut-shaming.

Best Line: “You’ll never escape us / ‘Cos we live in your head / Just two swell dudes / That you screwed.”

11. Where’s the Bathroom?

Tovah Feldshuh gives a tour-de-force performance in this three-minute “nagging Jewish mom” number that is perhaps one of the most relatable songs in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s catalogue. Barely stopping to take a breath while Feldsuh’s Naomi rattles off a series of complaints and passive aggressive insults (“By the way ‘You’re looking healthy / And by healthy, I mean chunky”), “Where’s the Bathroom” is hilariously relentless thanks to Feldsuh’s spectacular vocal inflections and facial expressions.

Best Line: “A bishop in Wisconsin / Said something Anti-Semitic / So the temple has decided / To boycott cheddar cheese.”

10. It Was a Shit Show

Santino Fontana threw co-creators Rachel Bloom and Aline Brosh McKenna for a loop when he suddenly decided to leave the show in season 2, but he got a damn good goodbye song out of it. Fontana’s honeyed Disney Prince voice is what makes “It Was a Shit Show,” a bittersweet ballad about Rebecca and Greg’s short-lived romance, such a stunner. Cleverly walking the line between a heart-wrenching farewell and a cruel kiss-off, “It Was A Shit Show” is a beautiful ode to Rebecca and Greg’s whirlwind but toxic affair, showcasing the pair’s easy chemistry and deep connection, but delineating exactly why it was time for Greg to go (before he would come back as Skyler Astin two seasons later).

Best Line: “We have chemistry of course / But that’s a formula for divorce / A play about pieces of feces / Is what we are together.”

9. Strip Away My Conscience

There are several Bob Fosse-inspired numbers throughout this series, but “Strip Away My Conscience” is far and away the best one. Not to mention it’s the dirtiest song in the show’s entire catalogue — how they slipped “Let me choke on your cocksuredness” through Standards and Practices still amazes me. This erotic Chicago-esque jazz piece sees Rebecca seducing Nathaniel with innuendos about moral ambiguity (“Peel away my values / “Rip off my compassion with your teeth”) while performing an elaborate strip tease in which she throws shoes at his face. It’s equal turns silly and sensual, with the Bloom and Foster’s off-the-charts chemistry on full display.

Best Line: “So tell me about your sins / And shock me with their luridness / Let me be your pupil / Let me choke on your cocksuredness.”

8. You Stupid Bitch

Bloom gives her rawest, most magnetic performance in the series with “You Stupid Bitch,” an anthem to self-loathing disguised as an inspirational power ballad. The scathing and cruel lyrics, as well as the song’s meta commentary on self-disgust, is a far-too-familiar dialogue to all of us, which makes “You Stupid Bitch” one of the harder songs to listen to on repeat. But despite the song’s harsh depiction of heartbreak, it still, in classic Crazy Ex-Girlfriend fashion, manages to eke out a few laughs.

Best Line: Not really a lyric, but that self-deprecating “Yeah you guys know this one” cuts deep.

7. A Diagnosis

One of the show’s rare sincere songs, “A Diagnosis” is the apotheosis of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s wonderfully nuanced approach to mental illness. This classic Broadway showstopper is a showcase for Bloom’s soaring vocals and emotionally vulnerable performance, without a trace of the show’s signature irony. But while it’s a cathartic, triumphant song that is a welcome reprieve after Rebecca’s brush with suicide, the lyrics still sow underpinnings of doubt, as Rebecca clings to the idea of a new diagnosis potentially solving her problems.

Best Line: “I’m aware mental illness is stigmatized / But the stigma is worth it if I’ve realize / Who I’m meant to be / Armed with my diagnosis.”

6. JAP Battle

Written with Epic Rap Battles of History’s Zach Sherwin, “JAP Battle” does what Crazy Ex-Girlfriend does best: toe the line between crude and hilarious, while tapping into a very specific cultural comedy. In this case, the Jewish American Princess stereotype, which Bloom and Rachel Grate (as Rebecca’s lifelong frenemy and fellow ACLU member Audra Levine), acknowledge is “offensive.” But it’s easy to not care, as both women spit bars about how they’re the more accomplished than the other while trading dozens of cutting insults in both Yiddish and English.

Best Line: “I put the OG in 5.0 GPA!”

5. Gettin’ Bi

A Huey Lewis and the News-esque funky band number! A sax solo nodding to Springsteen (“Big man”)! A song that debunks LGBT stereotypes and flies in the face of TV’s pervasive bi erasure! “Gettin’ Bi” is one of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s greatest achievements, kicking off the arc of Pete Gardner’s adorable Darryl, who as a middle-aged divorced parent realizes that he is bisexual. Aided by Gardner’s infectiously charming performance, “Gettin’ Bi” makes coming out seem like a big party — which makes the song all the more powerful.

Best Line: “It’s not a phase / I’m not confused / Or indecisive / I don’t have the gotta-choose blues.”

4. Let’s Generalize About Men

Released right at the crest of the #MeToo movement, it’s no wonder that “Let’s Generalize About Men” went viral. This Pointer Sisters-esque bop is both a feminist anthem and an incisive takedown of those anthems that points out the flaws of making blanket statements about men. Plus, like many of the songs on this list, it’s absurdly catchy — if not for the tongue-in-cheek lyrics (“Let’s take one bad thing about one man / And apply it to all of them!”), you could easily mistake “Let’s Generalize About Men” as an ’80s chart topper.

Best Line: “Your sons are gonna be rapists!” is to this date, the show’s most brutal punchline.

3. Settle for Me

Ah, the song that effectively guaranteed Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s four-season run despite its pitiful ratings. “Settle for Me” put Crazy Ex-Girlfriend on the map with its Emmy win for choreography — the show’s only major win (a travesty!) to this day. But this Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers-esque ditty completely deserves that award. The elegant arrangement and simple melody as well as the song’s sneakily raunchy lyrics cemented Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s appeal early on. And with Fontana oozing old-school charm, it’s no surprise that “Settle for Me” got so many people hooked on the will-they-won’t-they of it all.

Best Line: “I have no problem/ Being picked out from the bottom / If he’s your broken condom / I’m plan B!”

2. Don’t Be a Lawyer

This funky ’90s R&B throwback is a delight for all the senses — from the In Living Color outfits, right down to the Bobby Brown-inspired beats and the Milli Vanilli-look-alike dancers. They even do the Running Man dance! “Don’t Be a Lawyer” has one of the catchiest melodies of the series and the funniest lyrics, which range from literary to topical — the song manages to squeeze in a Shakespeare reference and dig at Jeff Sessions in the span of two minutes. Background player Jim (Burl Moseley) makes a surprise emergence as one of the show’s most charismatic performers in this earworm of a song that makes a pretty persuasive argument against the legal profession.

Best Line: “There are so many other professions / That don’t turn you into Jeff Sessions!”

1. The Math of Love Triangles

“The Math of Love Triangles” is a pitch-perfect distillation of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend‘s formula: A razor-sharp satire of ditzy Marilyn Monroe-esque numbers, and a showcase for the show’s signature witty lyrics — in this case, a million triangle puns. But more than just a delightful skewering of a classic genre that turns into a brilliant meta-commentary about how women infantilize themselves for men, “The Math of Love Triangles” still lightly touches on Rebecca’s deep-seated issues (“Will this help me choose? / If not I’ll be swinging from a hypotenuse”) even as she gets confused by all the “man math.” Rachel Bloom’s breathy vocals and hilariously expressive faces, as well as its absurd asides (“A swing! That’s literal suspension!”) are what sell this number as the best Crazy Ex-Girlfriend song.

Best Line: “Whichever Tom or Dick / I might pick / The center of the triangle is little old me! / Actually a triangle has multiple centers.”

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