Where To Watch John Carpenter's Vampires

John Carpenter's 1998 film "Vampires" — based on the 1990 novel "Vampire$" by John Steakley — is 30% vampire movie and 70% Western. It follows a cadre of ultra-masculine, cussing, toxic badass vampire hunters who wear black clothes and treat women like garbage. They are led by a snarling jerk named Jack Crow, played by James Woods, and you may insert your own joke about savvy casting here. This team of vampire hunters is sponsored by the Vatican and receives a hefty payout every time they infiltrate and exterminate a nest of bloodsuckers. 

In this universe, vampires hide in desert shacks during the daylight hours, and sometimes merely bury themselves in sand. They are all ghoulish monsters immune to crosses, holy water, and garlic. The vampire hunters stalk into said shacks and fire wooden stakes into vampire chests with specialized harpooning equipment. The hunters also attached tethers to the vampires, then activated a winch outdoors, dragging the vampires into the sunlight. They like to scream things like "Die, b****!" and celebrate a hunt by drinking whiskey and hiring sex workers. If there are any Catholics reading, know that your tithes and offerings are going to more than just missionary work.

"Vampires" is not one of Carpenter's more celebrated movies, but it's certainly true to the director's sensibilities. Its desert locales, twangy music, and ultra-masculine attitudes are clearly echoes of the Westerns that Carpenter grew up adoring. The film only matched its $20 million at the box office domestically, but Carpenter claims (unsubstantiated) that "Vampires" was huge overseas. It eventually spawned two sequels in 2002 and 2005. 

Here's where you can watch "Vampires" online. 

Watching Vampire$ via $treaming $ervice$

As of this writing, "Vampires" is currently available to stream on Netflix. "Vampires" can also be rented for $3.99 on Apple TV, Amazon, YouTube, DirecTV, the Google Play Store, Vudu, and the Microsoft Store. All of those outlets also offer "Vampires" for purchase for $12.99, as does the AMC Theaters website. The DVD for "Vampires" can easily be found on the second-hand market, and a rather nice Blu-ray can be purchased from Shout! Factory. Given the unstable and capricious state of the modern streaming industry, I would wholly and enthusiastically recommend ponying up for the Blu-ray. It will be high-quality (Shout! Factory does good work), and won't be removed from your collection if Amazon decides it's taking up too much bandwidth. 

The 2002 sequel, "Vampires: Los Muertos," directed by Tommy Lee Wallace ("Halloween III: Season of the Witch," "Fright Night 2") can be found on Tubi (as one might expect) and can be rented from the same online rental services for "Vampires" listed above. That film follows a new set of characters, and only passingly mentions the events of the first film in passing dialogue. Jon Bon Jovi plays a character named Derek Bliss, which is, by scientific measure, a name three units sillier than "Jack Crow." John Carpenter produced this one. 

The 2005 sequel, "Vampires: The Turning" is also available on Tubi and for rent through the above services. Make a marathon night of it! "The Turning" was directed by Marty Weiss ("Backwoods," "Xtra Credit"), and stars Colin Egglesfield from "All My Children" and the 2009 version of "Melrose Place." Carpenter had nothing to do with this film, and it is seemingly unconnected to its forebears. If you watch the first two, you're kinda required to see this one.