Harley Quinn's Valentine's Day Special Delivers The Sexy Ted Lasso Cameo We Didn't Know We Needed
This post includes spoilers for "Harley Quinn: A Very Problematic Valentine's Day Special."
The "Harley Quinn" Valentine's Day special has everything: a "When Harry Met Sally"-style framing device featuring two stars from "Abbott Elementary," magical sexcapades between Harley (Kaley Cuoco) and Ivy (Lake Bell), a meet-cute at a BDSM scene, and whatever the hell was going on with the two halves of Clayface (Alan Tudyk). But it also has something that made all of those things look like an average Tuesday in comparison: "Ted Lasso" star Brett Goldstein playing a sensual version of himself who becomes the object of super-sized Bane's (James Adomian) amorous desires.
Thanks to a report by Entertainment Weekly, we knew before this Valentine's Day special aired that Goldstein would pop up in the new "Harley Quinn" special, but fans may have expected a quick appearance akin to his post-credits role in "Thor: Love and Thunder." Instead, we got a ton of Goldstein screen time, and the actor who's best-known as Roy Kent turned out to be the most inexplicably funny part of the entire episode.
Welcome to Goldstein's one-man poetry show
Goldstein doesn't play into his grumpy Roy Kent persona here, but he also doesn't really play into his real one, either. Goldstein has done stand-up comedy in the past, but "Harley Quinn" imagines a version of him that's more of a sexy-weird poet type, complete with a one-man show in which he reads Lord Byron's poetry shirtless while polishing his awards. "Hello, Gotham City: what say you spend your Valentine's Day with me, Emmy-winning actor, writer, and British bad boy Brett Goldstein?" the actor says in dulcet tones on a pink digital billboard, taking his jacket off to reveal a carpet of chest hair in the process.
The actor is clearly having a lot of fun here, and it's surprising just how outrageous the series gets with his cameo. At first, the Brett Goldstein show seems like a random aside, a reference to an event that Clayface has plans to attend on Valentine's Day before his blind date goes wrong. But "Harley Quinn" promised this special would be wild, so we shouldn't have been surprised when Goldstein ended up at the center of the episode's, um, climax. Along the way, Goldstein proves he's one of the best sports in the biz by being obviously game for whatever the show's writers decide to throw at him.
The star-crossed saga of Brett and Bane
In this case, what gets thrown at him is a super-sized Bane, who accidentally grows gigantic after a love spell meant to enhance his performance in the bedroom goes wrong. He ends up double-love-spelled, hit by the after-effects of Harley and Ivy's own magic-enhanced lovemaking that causes everyone in the city to become insatiably horny. Bane sees his billboard and falls for Brett's "lower-middle-class South London accent that says he's not afraid of hard labor in the workplace – or the bedroom." While the "real" Brett Goldstein isn't so charmed by Bane's attempts to woo him by humping skyscrapers, Clayface is able to transform into a kaiju-sized Goldstein to calm Bane down.
This guest spot is pretty much the best, weirdest thing a "Ted Lasso" fan could ask for during the show's long off-season, and Clayface-as-Goldstein tops it all off with a hilariously twisted take on an emotional moment from rival superhero movie studio Marvel. "What is horny if not love persevering?" imposter-Brett says, holding Bane's hand to his heart in a moment that's decidedly less romantic than anything in "WandaVision." The best part of the Goldstein cameo is the fact that the trophy-bearing poet escapes with his life at the end – although nobody gets a refund for the carnage unleashed in the middle of his show. This means that, if the time is ever right for his character's return, Goldstein-as-Goldstein could technically be a continuing part of the "Harley Quinn" Universe. Hey, fans are about to be going through heavy "Ted Lasso" withdrawal when the show comes to an end this year. I, for one, would buy a ticket to Goldstein's next Gotham show any day.