The VelociPastor trailer

Game of Thrones is poised to kill off several major characters during this weekend’s battle episode, and it’s extremely unlikely that all of the characters of Avengers: Endgame will come out unscathed. This is a fraught time for pop culture heroes. But when the dust settles, a new hero will rise.

/Film readers, allow me to introduce you to The VelociPastor, a ninja-fighting priest who has the ability to turn into a dinosaur.

The VelociPastor Trailer

The Aussie accent of the narrator adds so much to the overall vibe of this thing, and the interaction from :45 to :57 is *chef’s kiss* perfection.

This is an objectively hilarious premise for a movie, and the filmmakers are clearly in on the gag. This super low-budget affair is a passion project for writer/director Brendan Steere (Animosity), who originally envisioned this as a fake trailer/short film back in 2011. Somehow Steere managed to actually expand the concept into an hour and fifteen minute horror comedy, and the full-length version has played at a couple of film festivals and has at least one more public screening planned before it arrives on home video this summer.

But will the full version have the same charm as this trailer? I can’t help but think about modern grindhouse films like Machete and Hobo With a Shotgun and how only one of those movies managed to actually deliver a fascinating, compelling story even though it sprouted from ludicrous origins. (Apologies to Robert Rodriguez and Ethan Maniquis, but Jason Eisener’s Hobo remains the gold standard for that type of hyper-violent, self-aware movie for me.) This movie’s premise is fun, but will it lose its luster after a few minutes? Or are they holding back enough key moments from this trailer that audiences will be consistently surprised and engrossed for the whole runtime?

Here’s The VelociPastor‘s delightfully ridiculous poster:

The VelociPastor poster

And here’s the official synopsis:

After a devastating family tragedy, a priest travels to China to find deeper spirituality, but instead is endowed with an ancient ability that allows him to turn into a dinosaur. At first, he is horrified by his newfound superpower, but a local prostitute convinces him to use his newfound gift to fight evil – and ninjas.

The VelociPastor will have a special midnight screening and Q&A during Texas Frightmare Weekend on May 3, 2019, and the film arrives on home video in August 2019.

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