You Can Now Order A Boss Baby Cameo, Welcome To Hell

Every day we stray further and further away from God's light and prove that this truly is the worst timeline. The fictional infant entrepreneur and vision of my own personal sleep paralysis demon, the titular "The Boss Baby" is continuing his business empire by offering his services on the personalized video sharing service, Cameo.

Somehow, the Alec Baldwin-voiced bundle of joy has turned into a bonafide franchise including two feature films, a third on the way, a short film, a television series, and an interactive special. Kids inexplicably can't get enough of "The Boss Baby" and because of it, we all must suffer.

I truly wish this were just as unimportant as the news that the actor who plays the Little Lad from the Starburst "Berries & Cream" commercials has joined Cameo (this is your fault, TikTok), but the Boss Baby (aka Ted Templeton) joining Cameo is the first time the app has allowed people to commission customized messages from an animated character. For as low as $20, you can impress your nephew by commissioning their favorite business suit wearing baby to wish them a happy birthday.

The CEO of BabyCorp can come to life thanks to DreamWorks animation and the presumably cursed technology from a company called Hour One that utilizes text-to-speech artificial intelligence. The Boss Baby currently boasts a 4.1 rating on Cameo, with reviews ranging everywhere from, "This made my day! Thanks boss baby!" to "Trash. Didn't get the names correct. The verbiage is slow and obviously computer. This is trash."

Reviews also indicate that the Cameo text seems to be somewhat pre-canned, meaning if you're going to try and pay to have Boss Baby say some really offensive stuff or quit your job, you'll have to pay an actual human celebrity. Don't worry though, there are celebrities like former WWE superstar and "Magic Mike" actor, Kevin Nash, who for $100 can wish your dad a "Happy Birthday" while also talking a lot about his own junk.

Had a look at Kevin Nash's Cameo and I'm absolutely dead at a woman paying $100 for their dad to get a birthday message from him and he spends most of it talking about his dick pic.twitter.com/faLrPEKPiN

— Major Charles Innocent (@JoeStephenson96) September 15, 2021

Cameo truly has something for everyone, and considering the homepage of the website features an advertising banner announcing the Boss Baby's arrival, this franchise player is probably going to rake in a lot of coin from the friends and family of tiny humans. He's already earned 26 reviews in the last month, meaning at minimum he can add $520 to his piggy bank.

Cookies are for closers, indeed.