Man Sues Date For $17 Because She Texted During 'Guardians Of The Galaxy 2'

In the wise words of Shepherd Book in Firefly, "There's a special level of hell they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater." And what about people who text at the theater? Well, they'll just get sued by their date for $17.

A lawsuit filed by a 37-year-old Brandon Vezmar in Austin, Texas last Thursday claims that he is owed $17.31, the price of the ticket for a 3D showing of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, by his date, a 35-year-old woman who was allegedly texting during the film.

The Austin American-Statesman reported the couple met online and went to see the movie together on their first, and probably last, date after the woman checked and texted on her phone several times during the movie.

Vezmar spoke to the Statesmen about the lawsuit, and proved that he is on a whole new level of petty:

"It was kind of a first date from hell," he said.

About 15 minutes after the movie began, his date started texting on her phone, Vezmar said. "This is like one of my biggest pet peeves," he said.

According to the petition, the woman "activated her phone at least 10-20 times in 15 minutes to read and send text messages."

In an even more hilarious turn of events, after Vezmar asked the woman to take her texting outside, she did — leaving the theater altogether and leaving him stranded without a ride. It's a shock he didn't sue her for the Uber he most likely had to take back home.

Of course, the Statement asked his date what she thought of the lawsuit, to which she responded, after learning of its existence:

"Oh my God," she said. "This is crazy."

The case — ridiculous and as unfeasible as it is — made its way to Guardians of the Galaxy director James Gunn, who gave his opinion on the whole legal matter.

Well, case closed, I guess.

Can we all agree that, while it's wrong to text at a movie theater and you should definitely not engage in a romantic relationship with someone who does so because it's evidence of other more nefarious problems, it's also insane to sue them for the cost of a movie ticket? At the very least, this is proof that not all awful people are instantly compatible. You need to find someone who shares your unique brand of awful. That's the key to a healthy romance.

Or maybe, you know, just don't text in movie theaters. And don't engage in idiotic lawsuits.

In any case, Tim League, CEO and founder of the Alamo Drafthouse (the Austin-based theater chain known for its strict no-talking and no-texting rules), has offered to settle the whole thing:

tim league