'Alvin And The Chipmunks 4' Will Now Open On December 18; 'Star Wars: The Force Awakens' Trembles In Fear

I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened. Ah. Wait a second. It's becoming clearer now. There's been a release date change. Have you felt it? The dark side... and the light.

Yes. There it is. Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip will no longer open on December 23, 2015. Instead, it will open five days earlier on December 18. Sorry, Star Wars: The Force Awakens. You thought you had that day all locked down. So much for having a few days to make as much money as possible before the big release of 2015 arrived and kneecapped you.

To learn just how this new Alvin and the Chipmunks 4 release date means certain doom for the new Star Wars movie, hit the jump.

The news of this seismic shift in the make-up of the winter movie season comes to us via The Hollywood Reporter. The "official" reason for the release date change is that 20th Century Fox wants to get their movie into theaters a few days earlier so they can take advantage of the school holidays the following week. But we know the real reason – Fox, fueled by the anger and hate that comes with no longer being the distributor on new Star Wars movies – has unleashed their secret weapon. Secretly constructed near a distant forest moon, Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip is specifically designed to destroy entire popular franchises with a single blast.

As you can see, my young readers, your Star Wars sequel has failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully armed and operational Alvin and the Chipmunks sequel!

Dumb jokes aside, this decision actually makes practical business sense and should result in a boost for The Road Chip without affecting The Force Awakens in the slightest. These two films exist in such different places and cater to such different audiences that the two of them opening on the same day really doesn't mean much of anything at all. They are both going to make whatever money they were going to make. Fox relocating their family movie so it's in theaters for more days when kids will be out of school is just smart thinking.

Additionally, as Forbes writer Scott Mendelson pointed out on Twitter, the toddler-friendly Road Chip opening on December 18 is essentially confirmation that The Force Awakens will be rated PG-13, making it the second Star Wars film in the saga to nab that rating. That rating won't scare away too many families, but those that are turned off by the suggestion of additional parental guidance have a singing, dancing rodent movie they can go see instead. It's perfect counter-programming. As is Sisters, the Tina Fey/Amy Poehler comedy that also opens on the 18th and also caters to a completely different set of moviegoers.

So there you have it, Star Wars fans. A movie that you have zero interest in seeing will have zero impact on the movie you're excited to see. After all, it's not like people are clamoring to buy The Road Chip tickets two months early.

However, the awesomely stupid jokes do write themselves.