'Dracula 3D' Sales Trailer: Dario Argento And The NSFW Praying Mantis

A few people pointed me to the trailer for Dario Argento's Dracula 3D this morning, and when I finally got around to watching it I was overcome with that mixture of mirth and sadness that is specific to watching a director really tumble downhill. Dario Argento has made movies that I truly love (Suspiria, Cat O'Nine Tails, and others) but in his later years hasn't been able to deliver a picture that even counts as a pale shadow of his best work.

Now he is in post-production on Dracula 3D, a film that seems to do exactly what the title implies, only with some of the most flat and lifeless filmmaking I've seen since the heyday of

Full Moon Entertainment

. The effects in this trailer — a trailer which is meant to find distribution, not an audience — are unfinished, and that's fine. I don't mind the fact that the giant praying mantis is crudely rendered at this point. On the other hand, what is a giant praying mantis doing in a Dracula movie? Ahem.

Check it out below. NSFW due to a couple shots of a naked woman. And also due to general sadness.

REMOVED

I just... I mean, beyond the staginess of the acting, the super-flat photography (for a 3D film!) and the WTF overall narrative drive, there is a soundtrack which actually includes a theremin, seemingly in non-ironic fashion, and the best canned bat screech effect I've heard since I tripped over a discarded sound-enabled plush toy in the post-Halloween discount aisle at CVS.

(In fairness, just as the effects are obviously not done, much of the audio might be temp, too.)

I want to like a new Argento movie. Any new Argento movie. I really do. But this doesn't look like it'll be the one. (Or, at least, I don't think I'll like it in the way I'm intended to. It might be great fun to watch.)