There's A Brutal Unfinished Animated Conan The Barbarian Film The World Has Never Seen
The adventures of Conan the Barbarian are not, in their purest form, for children. Created by pulp author Robert E. Howard in 1932, the Cimmerian warrior inhabits a cruel world ruled by those who are handiest with a sword or endowed with the power of sorcery. Though Conan is uncommonly chivalric, he is utterly ruthless in combat — and Howard's battle scenes are described in invigoratingly vicious detail. There are impalements and beheadings and wholesale eviscerations. There are also orgies and elements of bondage (and, given the viciousness of Howard's universe, it probably shouldn't come as a shock that women are wantonly brutalized). But the presence of wizards and dragons and all kinds of nasty monsters means Conan's tales are catnip for kids.
There have been efforts to tone down the sex and violence of Conan's tales, but they are essential to his appeal. Howard wrote with a boundless fury; he roared and raged as he bashed away at his typewriter (which you can see dramatized in the underrated Howard biopic "The Whole Wide World," starring Vincent D'Onofrio as the tortured author). The savagery is the point. If you want sanitized, kid-friendly fantasy, stick to He-Man.
Conan has been portrayed in comic books and films, and, visually, has been epitomized by the patron saint of conversion van art Frank Frazetta. We got one satisfyingly R-rated movie adaptation of the character in John Milius' "Conan the Barbarian," but subsequent attempts to capture the ferocity of Howard's character have either been high camp ("Conan the Destroyer") or absolute garbage (Marcus Nispel's 2011 "Conan the Barbarian").
Writer-producer Steve Gold of the then fledgling Swordplay Entertainment feels Conan fans' pain, and insists that, if he'd had his way over a decade ago, he would've delivered the most faithful big-screen take on the Cimmerian badass ever seen.
An uncut, unyielding Conan
In a recent interview with Mental Floss' Jake Rossen, Gold discussed his scuttled animated adaptation, which he believes captured Howard's voice in a way even Milius failed to do. The film, "Conan: Red Nails," was based on Howard's final Conan story, which many of the writers' fans consider one of his very best. The yarn finds Conan operating as a broadsword-for-hire thrust into the middle of a ferocious conflict between two warring cultures. Aside from its compelling narrative, "Red Nails" is notable for introducing the female warrior Valeria, who was portrayed in Milius' classic by Sandahl Bergman. It's one you need to, er, nail.
According to Gold, he was on the cusp of doing precisely that. As he said:
"I wanted our film to accurately adapt the source material, and our main character. I don't believe violence should ever be pursued gratuitously, but purposefully, with a real focus on the repercussions of violence. Even when Conan kills the dragon, after a truly epic encounter, Conan has respect for this beast—one creature of the wild recognizing another."
Gold can certainly talk the barbarian talk, so why didn't he get to walk the walk?
Well, it was a result of the time-honored tradition of financing being difficult to come by when you're making an adult-skewing cartoon, even when you've lined up an impressive voice-acting cast.
Conan heard the lamentations of his potential financiers
When "Conan: Red Nails" was on the cusp of production, Gold had assembled an impressive voice cast that included Ron Perlman in the title role. Mark Hamill, Marg Helgenberger, Clancy Brown, Cree Summers and James Marsden were also on board. In a 2005 interview with MTV, Gold was effusive over the project's potential.
"Trust me, [fans] have really never seen anything like these Conan animated sequences. The action is amazing ... There's a sequence where Conan is fighting this huge slug monster, and he literally cuts this thing in half. Its own weight carries it down his blade. It's this huge sequence, and you're there with Conan in the belly of this slug, and no one has attempted anything like that before. And that's just one part of this major battle sequence."
Alas, "Conan: Red Nails" wound up being a casualty of the 2007 – 2009 economic downturn. But no project is ever really dead, and Fredrik Malmberg, the co-head of Paradox Entertainment (which control the rights to Conan), told Rossen they're still committed to making an animated iteration of the character. Perhaps one day!
In the meantime, you can check out "Conan: Red Nails" 3D CGI test footage (meant as a reference for the animators). And here's director Victor Dal Chele on what might have been (and still could be):
"If the film would have gotten made it would have been perhaps looked at as a turning point in American animation because it was not toned down for an audience of children. We intended it for a PG-13 and above audience. In fact, we entertained a R-rated version or rather a director's cut version as well as the original PG-13 version."
PG-13, you say? "A turning point in American animation?" Crom, please! Maybe let Arnold Schwarzenegger make Milius' "King Conan," and leave this project be.