11 Things In Guardians Of The Galaxy Vol. 3 That Make No Sense
Contains spoilers for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
At long last, the climax of the "Guardians of the Galaxy" trilogy is here, and it's funny, tragic, brutal, and occasionally inconsistent. Most viewers won't have any problem with that. It's a sweeping story that sucks you in for one last big ride with a crew of fun-loving knuckleheads: Chris Pratt's Peter Quill/Star-Lord, Dave Bautista's Drax, Bradley Cooper's Rocket, Karen Gillan's Nebula, Pom Klementieff's Mantis, Zoe Saldana's Gamora, and Vin Diesel's Groot. (Kraglin and Cosmo mostly stay at home and participate minimally.)
Like every Marvel Cinematic Universe tale, "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3" requires the viewer to take a few leaps of faith. You already know this isn't how outer space works, so there's no need to get into just how long space travel takes or how unlikely it is that so many aliens look like humans and understand each other. "Star Trek" and other TV shows long ago acclimated us to such basic sci-fi conceits. Yet, even within its own rules, this movie includes several plot points that just don't quite seem to add up.
Here are 11 things about "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol.3" that don't entirely make sense.
11. How is Earth aging a mystery to Peter?
It's a funny joke when Peter Quill (Chris Pratt), who is canonically 43 years old, opines that people on Earth die of old age at around 50. Mantis reacts in horror that this must mean he will die soon, to which he indignantly spits that he's not 50. But didn't you meet 64-year-old Kevin Bacon just last year?
Quill's recent time on Earth before the snap was short, and he probably didn't have time to assess Tony Stark's 50-plus years. Or Nick Fury's. However, he was 8 when he left Earth and was not a complete idiot (punching Thanos aside). Quick, does anyone recall who the president of the United States was for the entirety of Quill's Earthbound childhood? That would have been a septuagenarian by the name of Ronald Reagan. It's not like said POTUS' age wasn't regularly an issue in news headlines of the day, either. If Peter was old enough to recognize "Robocop," a hard R-rated movie not yet marketed to kids in 1988, he was old enough to be aware of humans living past five decades.
10. Meat Station
There's something awesomely gross and David Cronenberg-esque about a space station seemingly made of cloned meat. It's also very "Rick and Morty," reminiscent in particular of the all-purpose Plumbus. Does it make sense, though?
Of all the things that survive in space, flesh is not up there on the list. There's a reason for that. The extreme cold and vacuum of space will freeze-dry it quickly, negating any benefits of it being living material. Materials better suited to space include metal and stone, as we see most other celestial objects.
However, since this is the Marvel Cinematic Universe, there are some caveats. Plenty of beings, from Celestials to Hulks, can survive in space with no problems. The science on that may be hand-wavey, but if the flesh of the station was cloned from Ikaris of the Eternals, for example, it might make sense. The other possible alternative is that its force fields hold in an atmosphere and pressure, though in theory, that should get sucked out into the void when the Guardians' spaceship pokes through.
9. The Sovereign serving the High Evolutionary
So let's see if we have this straight. The Sovereign are mad at the Guardians for stealing their batteries, and Ayesha (Elizabeth Debicki) created Adam (Will Poulter) to be a perfect being that could exact revenge. By the time Adam shows up, though, he's only there to grab Rocket for the High Evolutionary (Chukwudi Iwuji). The latter created the Sovereign and is basically their god, plus he's been looking for Rocket ever since he escaped the lab.
So, the entire time, the Sovereign actually hired Rocket and crew to do a mission for them and then sought revenge. Where exactly was the High Evolutionary? Didn't he notice his people working with his creation? It took him this long to ask, "Say, why are you growing a man-god inside a large pod?" Let's assume he disappeared in the snap. That's still a long information lag. Now he's the one that's too impatient and opens Adam's pod early, creating a chronically immature super-villain? It's been six years. Surely, a slightly longer wait to get him right wouldn't hurt.
Also, if the Sovereign could always create god-like beings, why would they ever have taken orders from a guy whose powers come from an electrical suit?
8. Evolution doesn't work that way
Marvel's screenwriters could use a tutorial on how evolution works. It is not, as "Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania" posits, about insects learning to build human-like civilizations and tech. Nor is it, as the High "Evolutionary" practices, about all Earth animals becoming more and more like humans. Evolution is about coming from a common ancestor, not moving towards a common being. Roaches will not, in any number of millions of years, become humanoid because they're more efficient at being bugs. Even theoretically, what the High Evolutionary does would be attained by gene-splicing, mutation, or hybridization. It is not throwing a tortoise into a machine, hitting the evolutionary fast-forward switch, and having a homicidal Ninja Turtle pop out.
However, in the MCU, human evolution from cave person to primitive — though not, apparently, from Neanderthal to Homo Sapiens — is the result of the Eternals meddling in history, handing out metal weapons and plows at the appropriate time. So it may be reasonable, if the High Evolutionary knows about this, to assume the process can be duplicated with other species. Still, that's much closer to what we'd call creationism or intelligent design.
7. The inconsistent vacuum of space
Outer space works differently in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, especially the "Guardians of the Galaxy" films. Consider that, rather than putting on a spacesuit, Peter Quill has thus far managed to survive in a vacuum in his normal clothes and a disappearing helmet that doesn't even cover his entire head. Like Captain Marvel's space costume, it leaves the hair hanging out, which would destroy it. So we have to assume that certain items of protective clothing simply generate an entire mini-atmosphere around their wearers.
We've also seen Drax stand on top of the Guardians' original spaceship, "Milano," and man the cannons, his body seemingly unaffected by space. Drax is inhumanly tough, and we don't know exactly how far out the atmosphere of Knowhere goes, so that gets a pass.
In this third film, we see spaceship windows crack open all over the place. Mantis starts to freeze as a spaceship exits the atmosphere, and Peter gets his face (and presumably body) knocked out of shape by exposure. There's very little consistency in the amount of time it takes for the vacuum to do serious damage, and Peter, not unlike Arnold Schwarzenegger at the end of "Total Recall," really looks like his contortions would cause lasting damage. Yet, he's fine again almost immediately. Even though he supposedly lost his Celestial powers, it must be that Ego DNA.
6. Those uniforms
So as not to be confused with space pirates, it's about time the Guardians stopped wearing the uniforms of the Ravagers. Their choice of alternatives leaves something to be desired, though.
The real reason they're all wearing those bulky, blue-leather suits now is that they're more comic-accurate, and comics fans appreciate such things, especially since James Gunn is happy to ignore the lore when it suits him. Just ask Yondu and Mantis, who are so different from the source material that the comics had to clarify that movie Yondu is a different character entirely. While the team outfits have audience appeal, they also make no sense because they're way too restrictive.
How's Mantis supposed to execute complex martial arts moves? How can Drax do a powerbomb without busting all the seams? Did their tailor consider the possibility of Rocket running around on all fours? It's both story-convenient and practically convenient that their first mission in this film requires changing into different clothes. Why isn't Peter's space mask included anymore? That feels like a significant omission, especially since that — and a conquistador-style helmet — was part of the outfit on the page.
It's also a shame to get those custom-fit outfits and then have half the team bail. Let's hope they made all their payments first.
5. Has James Gunn even read an Adam Warlock comic?
James Gunn seems to get (or take) much more leeway in adapting characters from the comics, perhaps because he's mostly working with characters unfamiliar to general audiences. Other directors have followed his lead, with Ryan Coogler changing Namor quite a bit for "Black Panther: Wakanda Forever" and Peyton Reed giving us a very different take on MODOK.
Adam Warlock was created as a Christ metaphor. In James Gunn's hands, he's a doofus mama's boy with laser fists. He did once work for the High Evolutionary in the comics, but that was to help him save Counter-Earth from a Satan-like figure named Man-Beast, not destroy it. Generally, he's depicted as a supremely logical galactic protector, not a violent ignoramus distracted by a cute new pet.
There are two possible defenses for this. One is misdirection. We were set up to think he'd be the main antagonist of "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3," and he's not. The other is that he may yet grow into the Spock-like figure fans wanted Keanu Reeves to play. After all, he was prematurely removed from his cocoon, but he has a lot of work to do to build credibility and a mystical aura. Or perhaps Gunn never actually read the comics and based him on a synopsis? Just asking.
4. The Guardians' policy on killing
Is Star-Lord okay with killing or not? Before the big heist, he insists they kill nobody and even drives this home with Drax. Yet, when it all goes to hell, Mantis, after peacefully using mind powers on a couple of adversaries, deliberately sends a woman with two guns into homicidal rage mode. If anyone wants to argue those weren't lethal weapons, let's note that they took down Drax, who can survive Adam Warlock's super-punches and even the vacuum of space. A human would be toast.
There's also a lot of talk about everyone deserving second chances and saving every animal on the High Evolutionary's ship. That seems to come with a big asterisk and footnote of "just the cute ones." If they're cyborg mole rats, sharks, octopi, or any other robo-critter deemed scary, they get wasted.
Okay, maybe that's not entirely fair. When scary things shoot at you, most fair-minded folks would suggest it's okay to shoot back. Not everyone would be cool with cutting out a cybernetic brain implant with a knife after using its host as a human crash cushion. Superman wouldn't. He still takes heat for snapping Zod's neck in "Man of Steel," even though Zod flat-out said he would never stop killing humans as long as he lived. The Guardians benefit from lower standards.
3. Peter Quill's taste in music
This is an ongoing issue, but has Peter's taste in music really not changed since he was 8 years old? To put it in more typical Earth terms, how many adults still listen to Raffi? How many in the future, when they're middle-aged, will still rock out to "Baby Shark" (do do do do do do)?
For most humans, taste in music solidifies in the adolescent years. Add to this the fact that we know Peter's a bit of a player, and music is a significant arrow in the quiver of any good ladies' man. His favorite tunes should be whatever alien music was around him when he turned 18.
Obviously, trauma plays a part. "Awesome Mix Vol. 1" was given to him by his mother before she died. "Awesome Mix Vol. 2" came to him in his 30s. Then, Kraglin found the Zune that plays up to the 2000s. Okay, Peter fetishizes Earth music based on its connection to his childhood. Why, then, when he was on Earth after defeating Thanos, did he not update his collection to include music of the 2010s? The real answer is that these are James Gunn's favorite songs. Any in-canon answer would have some non-human music in rotation.
2. This Gamora's entire existence
So let's get this straight. In sacrificing herself for the Soul Stone, Black Widow became permanently, irreversibly dead. It was specifically discussed. There was no way to revive her or bring her back. Gamora did the same thing, yet here she is, plucked from an earlier timeline and back in a universe where the rules say she is permanently erased.
When Loki escaped from an earlier timeline, the Time Variance Authority busted him and made him an agent. Then, they erased the variant timeline. Gamora comes from a variant timeline into the "sacred" timeline, as did Thanos, which apparently does not result in the TVA doing anything at all — not quickly, anyway. Would they have shown up to the "Endgame" battle if the Avengers had simply stalled long enough? (Ignore for a second that they weren't established in the MCU at that point. Retroactively, they would have been.)
Does this mean a variant Natasha could just show up from another timeline? Why not pop into the past right before she sacrifices herself and bring her back? Per "Endgame" time-travel rules, you can't change the present of the main timeline. That will merely create an alternate timeline, which the TVA would then be able to erase.
Sometimes it's best just to throw your hands up at stuff like this and say, "Because ... magic." As nice as it always is to see Zoe Saldana, Gamora should logically have stayed dead.
1. Kaiju Groot
Groot can grow to kaiju size? And he never did this before? What?
We can cut Baby Groot and Teen Groot some slack. They may not know or have access to every iota of Groot power. Adult Groot, though... Well, to cite one example, if he'd grown to giant size when he became a living escape pod in the first film, he might have survived in his original form.
This isn't the Power Rangers. If you're a monster that can grow, nobody in the MCU has a Megazord to summon. Instead, you just grow while the bad guys don't. It seems like this talent could have come in handy earlier or at other times in the same movie. Why does Groot need to grow parachute wings if he can just become Godzilla-sized? Why not fill the High Evolutionary's entire throne room with his expanded mass? That seems like a more potent attack than hidden guns, but what do we know?