antlers cast

Even though it’s still a year and a half away, the rumor mill is already hitting lightspeed for Star Wars: Episode 9, especially as we begin to get more of an idea of what the film will actually look like. The first big announcement was that The Americans star Keri Russell would be joining the cast. And, of course, as is the way of the contemporary pop culture press, everyone has an idea of just who Keri might be playing in the next installment of the biggest franchise in the galaxy.

As a firm Stormpilot – Finn and Poe Forever – shipper, I know how hard it can be when all your Star Wars dreams don’t come true. So to help everyone, I’ve come up with the most concise, conclusive, and 100% completely speculative list of 10 characters that Keri Russell is definitely not playing in Star Wars: Episode 9. From the obvious to the deep cut, the Darth to the Hutt, we’ve covered them all just so you won’t be disappointed when doors open on the film in December 2019.

J.J. Abrams Rey's Parents

Rey’s Mom

Sorry, guys. I know it seems like Keri Russell and her dark brown hair would be a great genetic match to Daisy Ridley and her dark brown hair, but Rian Johnson’s decision to make Rey’s parents “nobodies” is still one of the bravest and most important choices in Star Wars canon. Kylo Ren straight-up said they were dead in paupers’ graves. Although Ben Solo is still a bad guy, we hope that he was simply telling the truth. After all, Rey herself already knew it was the case before Ben told her. Granted, what Kylo said could echo the lie that Obi-Wan told to Luke. But we’re hoping J.J. Abrams sticks to what Rian Johnson established and lets Rey be powerful because of her connection to the Force, as well as the people she chooses to love and care for, rather than retconning her into having important parents, which could take away the impact of The Last Jedi’s big reveal.

Max Rebo

Rebo might seem like nothing more than a simplistic cameo, but his Expanded Universe backstory is filled with excitement, deceit, and adventure. After her star turn in The Americans, we know Keri has shown she has great chops for that. And who wouldn’t want to see Russell portraying some of Rebo’s iconic Expanded Universe moments, like when Sy Snootles tricked Rebo into leading the band, just so she could malevolently control them? Or the wild days when Rebo and co. went on tour after the death of Jabba at the hands of Leia “The Huttslayer” Organa? Though Max Rebo is an iconic character who many fans would love to see make a return, we think it’s sadly pretty unlikely that be Keri will be playing the Ortolan multi-instrumentalist, most well known for playing the Red Ball Jet in his self-titled band.

Darth Ravik

Hollywood has a history of awarding actors who portray troubled and dangerous characters, especially if that character has some kind of hardship forced upon them. And that is why Darth Ravik, who was introduced in The Star Wars Roleplaying Game, seems like such an obvious choice for a lauded actress like Keri Russell. Sadly, it’s highly unlikely that Lucasfilm would commit to portraying the spider-legged Sith Lord, as he’s no longer a canon character and his spider-legged form is probably too close to Darth Maul’s Clone Wars appearance. That’s a huge loss for fans who’ve always wanted to see Keri Russell with a lot of legs and flying a jetpack.

Trioculus

First introduced in the Jedi Prince Expanded Universe novels, this character from the much-maligned young adult series would be a brave but weird choice for the franchise. Trioculus is a triple cyclops who was presented by the Empire as Palpatine’s son in an attempt to seat him as Emperor. Though we would love to see Russell lording some power over the Galactic Senate all while fighting an annoying small child named Ken, it’s unlikely that Lucasfilm would decide to put a huge prosthetic eye in the center of Russell’s forehead. It also doesn’t help that Trioculus is a ridiculous “triple cyclops” who is also seen as ludicrous by fans.

Jaxxon

This would be one of the coolest casting choices of all time and Jaxxon, who was introduced in 1977’s Star Wars #8, did recently return to canon with an appearance in Star Wars Adventures… but will they really hide Keri Russell behind a green fursuit? They did it to Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o, so who knows, maybe they would! Anyway, because of the serious tone that Rian Johnson set in The Last Jedi and J.J. Abrams’ commitment to finishing the trilogy on a high note, it’s 99.99999% certain that Keri Russell won’t be playing this green space rabbit.

Sorrow: The Crying Mountain

It’s a known fact that everything to do with Ewoks is always extra weird and magical. Whether it’s the high future fashion and family massacre of Ewoks: The Battle For Endor or the worship of C-3PO as a god, the Ewoks are always up to some real wacky nonsense. In the comic Ewoks #7: The Perilous Laughing Spell, they introduced Mount Sorrow, who was a sentient mountain on the forest moon of Endor. As much as we would love to see Keri Russell commit to some Andy Serkis levels of mo-cap and become a giant crying monolith, the fact that crying Mount Sorrow actually tries to murder Wicket and Princess Kneesaa means it’s probably not going to happen…also, it’s a talking mountain.

Callista

Many were disappointed with the treatment of Luke Skywalker in The Last Jedi, and some wished that they could’ve seen Luke with a wife – like Mara Jade in the EU. But we’re here to propose a much better and more realistic option. Another classic Expanded Universe cut, Children of the Jedi is one of the EU’s more outrageous stories, and introduces an evil sentient ship that’s essentially haunted by the soul of an ex-Jedi Knight named Callista…with whom Luke falls in love. Come on, you cowards! Make Keri Russell a sentient ship seeking revenge on her nephew-in-law because he kind of killed her now Force Ghost husband!

Jaina Solo

This one would actually pretty great, but is once again definitely not going to happen. For the record, we would pay a lot of money to see Keri Russell as the oldest daughter of the Solos, long thought dead, who might just return to save and/or get revenge on her evil young brother Jacen, err, I mean Kylo, who’s turned to the Dark Side. Anyway, this makes no canonical sense, and Jaina and Jacen were both struck from canon. So as cool as this might be, it’s definitely not going to happen. But definitely give Keri Russell a lightsaber, please.

Ziro the Hutt

“Where was Jabba the Hutt in Solo?,” dozens of sad Hutt fans cried. Though there was a reference to the Hutt family, there was no on-screen giant space slug action! Jabba’s cool uncle Ziro the Hutt could solve that problem – he’s already been in the Clone Wars series voiced by the radical Corey Burton. But that series killed him off! Still, no one is ever really totally dead in the Star Wars universe, so could Keri Russell have been brought into the fold to deliver an iconic and groundbreaking performance as a Hutt crime lord? No. Of course not. That would be silly.

Charal

Ewoks: The Battle For Endor is the most underrated of all of the Star Wars spin-off movies and Star Wars movies in general. Let’s just get that out there. If they were going to bring anyone from the sequel to Caravan of Courage: An Ewok Adventure back into canon, it’s definitely not going to be Charal, the evil witch who’s obsessed with batteries. But boy should it be! Who doesn’t want to see Keri Russell dressed in some hardcore swords and sandals style armor and turning into a crow at the tip of the hat? She even has a canon connection as she is a Nightsister of Dathomir! Disappointingly, even though The Last Jedi introduced a lot of bigger concepts and ideas surrounding the Force, the canon cinematic world of Star Wars has yet to really delve into galactic magic. Also, I’m probably the only person in the galaxy who actually loves with these two wonderful, magical, incredible and beautiful movies.

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