Chris Evans Characters Ranked By How Much We Want To Hang Out With Them
As far as modern-day movie stars go, you could certainly do worse than Chris Evans. His guy-next-door charm and meme-worthy body proportions might not be everyone's cup of tea, but it's still hard not to like the guy. More than that, it's equally difficult to escape him. Evans has probably played more characters who originated in comic books than anyone else, and not just with big names like Marvel, but in smaller genre fare as well. His understated performances in the odd indie picture rarely disappoint either. In short: He's a really solid actor, one who's portrayed a generous amount of equally solid characters.
But which of his characters is the best? Or, perhaps more importantly: Which would be the most fun to hang out with in real life? Who could we imagine spending a casual day with? Who knows where all the best restaurants are? Let's break down some of his most interesting characters and find out, because there is nothing more important for us to do today.
Robert Pronge — The Iceman
Coming in at dead last, we've got Robert Pronge, aka Mr. Freezy. When it comes to character, Freezy is compelling on paper, but absolute nightmare fuel in any real-world scenario. For one, he's a contract killer who stalks future victims in an ice cream truck (hence the creepy alias). He also specializes in various methods of poisoning to make each death seem as inconspicuous as possible, and once the deed is done, he keeps his victims in a freezer for weeks on end before dumping the evidence.
All of this makes him a pretty competent assassin — and I'm sure an expert on the best restaurants in town — but not a very trustworthy friend. Even if he weren't a literal murderer, his lack of constructive hobbies only detracts from his appeal. If he asked me to hang out, I'd tell him I've got other plans every single time.
Lucas Lee — Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
Lucas Lee may be a pretty-good-skater-turned-pretty-good-actor, but he's also just ... incredibly insufferable. Did you know he's got his own skate company — and has said skate company's logo brazenly tattooed across his chest? Did you know he's going for an Oscar win in the near future? If I were ever to hang out with Lucas, I don't see the conversation ever straying too far from those respective topics.
The thing is, Lucas only cares about himself. The only people he treats kindly are his stunt doubles, and that's probably because it's just like looking in a mirror for him. Perhaps if I had a flat top hair cut and a funky little leather jacket, our hangout would go a bit smoother. But until that day comes (and I pray it never does), I think I'll steer clear.
James Mace — Sunshine
Don't get me wrong: James Mace is a fascinating character, but is he all that fun to be around? He spends a lot of his time barking orders at (and even fighting with) his fellow scientists aboard the spacecraft Icarus II. Granted, he's also under an extraordinary amount of pressure: He and the crew of his spacecraft are on a mission to reinvigorate a dying sun, a mission he knows he might not come back from. Plus, if they fail, everyone back home on Earth will die — so I'm willing to cut him a bit of slack on that front.
That said, Mace isn't exactly the first person I'd see myself texting on a Saturday afternoon. I'm sure he's a cool person when removed from the pressures of his expedition, but I still get the feeling that hanging out with him would be, well ... a little boring.
Curtis Everett — Snowpiercer
Like Mace, Curtis isn't exactly the life of the party. But Curtis is definitely a victim of circumstance. He's spent upwards of a decade in the congested caboose of a perpetually-moving train, living in squalor while much wealthier passengers eat sushi at the front.
All that considered, I doubt he knows where any good restaurants are, and I doubt he cares much either. Curtis is a man on a pretty dire mission as well: to stage a coup and redistribute the resources aboard the Snowpiercer, no matter the cost. He's still got a big heart, despite all the friends he's forced to leave behind on his quest to take down the bourgeoisie. But he's definitely killed people, both to further his cause and just to survive. More than that, he's also dabbled in cannibalism. He didn't really have a choice in the latter, it's true, but that would put a real damper on any prospective hangout.
In normal circumstances, though, Curtis could be really cool! He's not an inherently terrible person. As long as we don't think about the fact that he knows what babies taste like, it might not be so bad. He could use a bit of joy in his life — not to mention a decent meal.
Hugh 'Ransom' Drysdale — Knives Out
Now this is a terrible, terrible person. He's immature, he's manipulative, dogs hate him, and he's also a murderer! (At this point, I'm honestly wondering if I should forget about all the murders and just focus on other things.) Serious detriments aside, Ransom is really entertaining. And we haven't forgotten about his impressive sweater collection, have we?
That said, Ransom is the kind of guy who would probably only be fun to hang out with one time, and only in a group setting, with lots of drama to distract him. Not unlike Lucas Lee, Ransom isn't really the type to play nice unless there's something in it for him. Plus, he treats everybody like the help anyway, so this is probably a non-starter.
But if, for some reason, he were interested in hanging out — and if he offered to pick up the tab at the end of the day — then I definitely wouldn't say no. I just hope that he'd choose a better restaurant than the one he took Marta to in "Knives Out."
Johnny Storm — Fantastic Four
Is he a compulsive flirt? Yes. Could he treat the other members of the Fantastic Four with a little more respect? Definitely. And does he struggle to follow simple instructions? Sure, but that's more an issue of discipline than intellect. The important thing is: Jonathan Storm is definitely fun.
Johnny is likely the one Chris Evans character who is without a doubt the life of the party. He's probably on every VIP list in Greater Manhattan. There's never a dull moment with this guy — and so long as you establish a few boundaries beforehand, hanging with him probably won't be too disastrous. Unfortunately, if gratuitous clubbing or X Games-level stunts aren't your thing, this probably wouldn't work out at all.
Steve Rogers — Captain America: The First Avenger
Would you look at that, our first objectively decent guy! If you ignore the fact that he's technically a war criminal after the events of "Captain America Civil War." Steve is known to take himself a bit too seriously from time to time, but he's also a very loyal friend. Who else would risk the wrath of 117 countries to save his bestie's life?
That said, any hangout with Steve would probably feel a little one-sided. It wouldn't really be his fault, though — he's got a lot on his plate, like, all the time. And who knows whether he ever got through that list of modern-day cultural phenomemena? Of course, if he hadn't, at least you'd never run out of ideas for things to do. Introducing him to disco or even "Star Wars" would certainly be eventful. Maybe he'd even let you throw the shield around. As long as he's not bringing up Bucky every five minutes, you can't really go wrong.
Jake Jensen — The Losers
Jensen is ostensibly Evans' most well-rounded and entertaining character. He's got energy to burn and comes equipped with a goofy catchphrase for darn near every situation he finds himself in — not to mention a massive collection of incredibly stupid graphic t-shirts. He's got hobbies, he's emotionally available (no shade to Steve), and he's always ready to lend some much-needed support to anyone he cares about.
Not only is Jensen a textbook himbo; he's also perfect hangout material. He'd absolutely treat you to a great restaurant (said restaurant might be a hot dog cart though), regale you with a few totally-not-classified stories about work, and the day will likely fly by. Bonus points if he takes you to his niece's soccer playoffs. There's no way that won't be a day to remember.