Travel Channel's Vampires In America Features Guys Who Think They're Hunting Actual Vampires

Well here's something you probably didn't expect to read about today. A new show on Travel Channel called "Vampires in America" features vampire hunters that really do think they're on the hunt for bloodsucking entities. Either that, or they're really good actors. (I wish with all my heart to believe that this is a mockumentary, but I absolutely buy that there are people this nuts.) The trailer looks like something that would be a parody on "Saturday Night Live." The channel tweeted: 

A recent and alarming surge in homicides and missing persons cases in the southwest US has vampire hunters concerned that a large group of vampires may have emerged from hibernation. #VampiresInAmerica is on @discoveryplus and on Travel Channel tonight.

Sure. It's a 100% logical leap from a rise in homicides and missing persons cases to oh, it must be vampires. Not crime. Not guns. Not a serial killer. Definitely magical creatures who suck blood from their victims. This is science. By the way, you can watch this on Discovery Plus and Travel Channel. 

We have two vampire hunters here named Eric Streit and Marcel Von Tingen. Streit says in the video that he had his first encounter with a vampire in Scotland and he was, " ... well-dressed, mesmerizing, and I felt drawn in, but while you're being drawn in, there's a sense of dread. But then, [growls] fangs. That broke the spell." We also learn that they've been working together since 2001 and found evidence in all 50 states. There is a video shown that was from 2020, but hey, what else are were you going to do in 2020, party? No, you do something useful during a pandemic. You hunt vampires. After all, we learn that these two are the only vampire hunters working in the United States. (I doubt that somehow.)

No, Marcel, They're Probably Not in the Grocery Aisle

Von Tingen says in the video: 

"I come from 25 generations of vampire hunters. Hearing the stories from my grandfather and from my father, vampires are so dangerous because they're hiding in plain sight. They look like us. They talk like us. They could be in the grocery aisle, in the post office. They could be your doctor. They could be your next door neighbor. They could even be your priest."

I mean, could they, Marcel? Could they be in your grocery aisle? Don't vampires drink blood? Do they also drink Gatorade? Only the red kind, of course. I also think it's sort of weird to show a crucifix, a traditional vampire hunting tool and then say they could be priests. That's sort of part of the whole priest deal from what I recall. They're definitely not going to the post office. Von Tingen says they operate at night, and believe me when I tell you, the post office closes early. I can never get there in time.

But wait, there's more. Streit says vampires have been involved in vampire fiction so they could hide in plain sight. (Bram Stoker was apparently taking dictation from a vamp for Dracula.) Oh, and they are hominids but a different species than humans and evolved around 68,000 BC. (He doesn't use BCE. That was him using BC, not me.) That's very specific, and now I want to know more. Von Tingen claims that they've been in America since the Civil War and that there are 20,000 nationwide. 

Well, good to know, I guess? I'll try to avoid priests, the grocery store, and the post office. Oh right, I'm already doing that. I'm safe, friends!