Watching 'Parker' At The Playboy Mansion Isn't The Best Idea

Everything about going to the Playboy Mansion is arguably a good idea. Except watching a movie. Properly watching a movie takes concentration, quiet and darkness. But in a place with an open bar, Playmates and a history of sex, drugs and rock and roll, watching a film is a bad idea.

Last week, I was invited to the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles to see Parker. The film, directed by Oscar-nominee Taylor Hackford and starring Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez, is about a career criminal who vows revenge on a crew that left him for dead. That right there sounds like a film you'd want to see, but seeing at the Playboy Mansion just put it over the top.

The iron gate, the valet, the massive house, the Grotto, the bird sanctuary, the game room, the alcohol — even in a very controlled environment — can be all-consuming. By the time the lights went down, people were texting, talking, getting up and not coming back, and somehow it was all okay.

So instead of reviewing Parker, I figured I'd explain why the Playboy Mansion is simultaneously the best, and worst, place to watch a movie in the world.

When walking into the Playboy Mansion to watch Parker, you're might first be greeted with a sight like this:

That's Raquel Pomplun, April 2012 Playmate of the Month, Nikki Leigh, May 2012 Playmate of the Month and Alana Campos, September 2012 Playmate of the Month. They hosted the event, which was to not only show the movie, but present some of the art made for The Art of The Heist contest.

I know what you're thinking. Besides this art, what the heck does Playboy have to do with Parker? Not much, to be honest. It's more an excuse to booze up a few journalists which, in this case, was fine by me. Once we met the girls, and got a drink (or two) at the open bar, we were toured around the grounds of the Mansion. We saw the Grotto, Hugh Hefner's birds, the game room and the place where everyone showers. Here's the infamous Grotto:

After that, it was back into the house for the screening. There was free popcorn, soda, candy and drinks were encouraged. Get the idea? By this point, concentrating on a movie was impossible. Everyone was hyped up on the experience, which completely changed the vibe away from a typical screening. Like I said before, talking, and texting was all somehow okay. The mansion had created such a fun vibe that it seemed OK to watch the movie like that.

So how was Parker? I'm not sure I could tell you. Lines of dialogue were missed, there was cheering, people's phones lighting up, and the aforementioned flowing alcohol. Which was probably the point, because from what I do remember, the film was little more boring than expected. But I could be wrong. I was having too much fun with the experience. And hence, the Playboy Mansion is simultaneously the best, and worst place in the world to watch a movie.

Parker is now in theaters.

Photos by Carlo Acenas of Tandem