The Strangest Killer Objects In Horror Movie History, Ranked By Silliness
Inspiration strikes at the oddest times. Recently, I was watching Blumhouse's "Night Swim" and started thinking about all the strangest killer objects in the history of horror movies. "Where would a swimming pool rank on such a list," I pondered. "Would it rank lower or higher than a hungry bed?" These are the hard-hitting questions that race through my head, only eased by tasks like ranking all the craziest, head-scratchiest, most out-of-bounds killer objects in horror movie history.
We're not talking about flesh and blood killers or animal attackers. Even something like "Santa Jaws" is omitted from contention because while you could blame either the magical pen or sketchbook canvas that brings the Great White Santa to life, it's still a jingle-jangling shark gobbling up victims. This list is dedicated to deadly things that should not kill. Monstrous versions of household items that spring to life and slay the innocent with a most baffling reaction.
From car parts to baked goods to elevators, here's what I've got for y'all.
1. A Christmas Tree
Examples: The Killing Tree, Treevenge, Trees 2: The Root of All Evil
We start this list with the zaniest, nuttiest killer object I've ever encountered as a horror fan: Christmas trees. Hopping, squashing, murdering Christmas trees, acting of their own free will. Jason Eisener's "Treevenge" masters the art by striking an ecological message as families are brutalized by their decorated trees, and is a seasonal must-watch hellbent on revenge. Still, it doesn't get stranger than "The Killing Tree" — a holiday horror film that takes the "Child's Play" soul transference route, except instead of a doll, it's a flippin' Christmas tree. I'm 100% serious.
2. A Gingerbread Man
Examples: The Gingerdead Man Series
Speaking of Christmas horror films and "Child's Play" knockoffs, here comes "The Gingerdead Man"! We'll cover other food items later, but I wanted to highlight this Charles Band creation because the killer cookie has way more personality than a baked good with fangs. Gary Busey plays serial murderer Millard Findlemeyer, then lends his voice to a murderous Gingerbread Man puppet that starts attacking characters named after famous baking companies (Betty, Amos, and so on). Again, it's Chucky but with a way goofier vessel — second goofiest if you ask me.
3. A Bong
Examples: Evil Bong Series
I can't talk about the Gingerdead Man without spotlighting his crossover buddy, the "Evil Bong." Maybe this entry should be about stripper bras instead of the bong itself, but since all deaths occur in Bong World, where the titular evil bong Eebee transports its victims, I give credit to the possessed smoking contraption. Are you shocked to find out this is another Charles Band production? Or that it features stoner extraordinaire Tommy Chong? You shouldn't be — if you're like me and have seen way too many D-grade horror riffs.
4. A Penis
Examples: One-Eyed Monster
In "One-Eyed Monster," Ron Jeremy's penis detaches itself from its host and starts killing a porno crew during an isolated shoot. The 9 3/4-inch phallus acts on its own volition in true creature feature fashion, and you don't have to suffer through Jeremy being on screen after his initial death. The dangerous donger exhibits alien qualities, sneaking around and trying not to get caught by posing as a gardening tool while hanging on a shed's wall. There's no precedent for this brand of monster sleaze, making a compelling case to be the grossest killer on this list.
5. Clothing
Examples: Slaxx, In Fabric
We're talking about clothes with a mind of their own. Garments that don't need a body for mobility. Imagine a horror reimagining of Dr. Strange's companion cape, floating through the air before decapitating its next victim. "Slaxx" lets a brand of Super Shapers miracle jeans rampage through an Abercrombie-type store, while "In Fabric" unleashes a fluttery dress from a department store with hellish secrets. Clothing shouldn't be form-fitting without a form to fit, yet both films visualize the concept with unique weirdness — choking, skinning, and maiming in the process.
6. A Condom
Examples: Killer Condom
Condoms shouldn't have teeth. Condoms shouldn't eat testicles. Condoms shouldn't be horror villains. Do I have to explain the weirdness of this horny monster movie about angry lil' condoms any man would regret slipping on? Nope. Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope. Strange and terrifying for those with low tolerances for penile trauma.
7. A Recliner
Examples: Killer Sofa
For too long our La-Z-Boys have eaten our butts and sniffed our farts. "Killer Sofa" is about a recliner fighting back against humanity, with a creepy stalker twist. The soul of a jealous ex-boyfriend ends up inside the focal sofa (I guess recliner wasn't catchy enough for the title), which is unfortunate when the comfy sitter ends up in his ex's residence. There are scenes where the recliner, its seams making a face, is caught peeking out an upstairs window in that quintessential villain stare-down shot, and it's pure comedy gold. I swear, "Killer Sofa" is a real movie.
8. A Dollhouse
Examples: Amityville Dollhouse
"Amityville Dollhouse" isn't an especially deadly film, but Tobias counts since demons drag him away. Therefore, we're letting the dollhouse have a place on this list because dollhouses are supposed to be innocent playthings. Not portals to other dimensions where fiendish devils prey upon victims. We let our children create fantasy worlds with their dollhouses — we don't expect those fantasies to turn dark and draw people inside.
9. A Lamp
Examples: Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes
A lamp. A killer lamp. There's more to "Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes" than a standing light hopping around like the Pixar mascot and stacking bodies. The lamp's ability to manipulate electricity is a neat trick that makes it a tad less bizarre, a bit "Shocker" style, but it's still plenty high on the bonkers scale. Any movie where a lamp drowns a plumber in sewage and covers up the crime scene is certainly worthy of being deemed strange.
10. A Clock
Examples: Amityville: It's About Time
"Amityville: It's About Time," aka the clock one, is perhaps the hardest sell on this list because the clock is a psychological force upon the characters. The clock isn't bashing Jacob over the head. Dogs attack, goo rises, and living rooms morph into torture chambers. But, for the argument of strangest killer objects, the time-telling terror is still behind it all. You don't get "Amityville: It's About Time" without the malevolent mantle fixture.
11. A Fridge
Examples: Attack of the Killer Refrigerator, The Refrigerator
Did you think there'd only be one movie about a killer refrigerator? Nice try. Two movies feature chilly refrigerators that deliver gore by crunching body parts in a swinging door (the mouth), with "The Refrigerator" going a step further by sending its victims to Hell. I've accidentally slammed my finger in a fridge door before, so I understand how easy accidents happen — except these aren't accidents. The refrigerators are alive, which keeps things extremely strange and silly.
12. A Bulldozer
Examples: Killdozer!
Horror fans can probably guess that this won't be the only driveable killer on this list, but it's the first to get a mention because in my mind, a renegade bulldozer powered by meteorite energy is astoundingly absurd. Construction sites are perilous areas to begin with, so it's not farfetched to think a bulldozer could kill people. Of course, we're talking about an alien-controlled bulldozer with no operator. This is why we're here.
13. A Tire
Examples: Rubber
Quentin Dupieux's "Rubber" is one of my favorite titles on this list. As a straightforward killer tire flick, it's an unrealistic yet thrilling monster hybrid. As a commentary on B-movies, audience appreciation of moviemaking, and how we watch movies, "Rubber" is surprisingly witty. Come for the tire named Robert popping heads with psionic powers, stay for Dupieux's ability to make "Rubber" feel shockingly realistic in comparison to prior films on this list.
14. A Bed
Examples: Death Bed: The Bed That Eats, The Dwelling
One of the most notorious "WTF" killer object movies by name is "Death Bed: The Bed That Eats." Victims sink into the bed while spitting blood, as a frothy foam signifies digestion. It's out there, and "The Dwelling" isn't far behind. Whether they're carved from cursed wood or tainted by demonic influence, you'll get your lumbar support in Hell if you try to snooze atop either bedroom fixture.
15. A Snowman
Examples: Jack Frost, Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Mutant Killer Snowman
Yet another "Child's Play" remix is on the list, and it's another Christmas Horror tale. Genetic chemicals melt serial killer Jack Frost into the snow, which lets the madman form into a murderous version of Frosty, who knocks off small-town residents around the holidays. Everything about "Jack Frost" screams "Child's Play" down to voice actor Scott MacDonald doing his take on Chucky's likeness in powdery-white form, but works so well as a Christmas horror vision. It's not that weird in the realm of holiday fights? Yes, you can commit me to the asylum for saying that.
16. Tabletop Games
Examples: Beyond the Gates, Game of Death, Ludo
There's something folkloric about players getting sucked into a playable game, fused into the playthrough, and feeling actual consequences. "Beyond the Gates," "Game of Death, and "Ludo" come to mind as characters follow rules or pay the price, often causing collateral damage when innocents unwittingly become pawns in the main player's journey. Something like "Game of Death" is spartan: your head pops, or you survive another round. Something like "Beyond the Gates" becomes a more "Jumanji" influenced adventure, with showmanship and immersion. It seems so obvious a setup for horror shenanigans, hardly as random as condoms or evergreens.
17. Other Body Parts
Example: Idle Hands
"One-Eyed Monster" gets a singular slot because of its perverse specificity, while I'll lump all other detached and deadly body parts in this section. I'm thinking specifically of "Idle Hands," where Devon Sawa severs the appendage that cannot be controlled. That's not how bodies work, nor possessions, nor anything resembling science. Although, maybe "The Addams Family" conditioned me to think a scurrying hand with the power to destroy isn't as far-fetched as it should be.
18. Hair
Examples: Exte, Bad Hair
We've all had an embarrassing haircut that makes us want to die, but what about hair that kills? Whether that's J-Horror standout "Exte: Hair Extensions" or the recent "Bad Hair," death by strangulation via locs or braids is a whole other nightmare. Even better is the manifestation of hair monsters, because why stop at wigs with a rabid thirst for violence? I'll always compliment a dope cut when I see one now, if only out of fear that I'll be executed otherwise.
19. Spa Equipment
Examples: Death Spa
"Death Spa" teeters on that whole possession argument where gym equipment isn't autonomously alive, it's just possessed by a vengeful spirit, but the kills still use exercise machines. Weight lifters and aerobics enthusiasts fall prey to their favorite workout aids, all controlled by a state-of-the-art computer system. This lets the machines have a mind of their own, completing the illusion that they're killing with free will.
20. Foods
Examples: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Todd and the Book of Pure Evil, Attack of the Killer Donuts, Dead Sushi, The Stuff
We're talking about food that bites back, specifically. Food that devours us instead of the other way around. For example, the Deathday Cake in "Todd and the Book of Pure Evil" gobbles people whole. The supernatural sushi monsters in "Dead Sushi" bite onto patrons. Food shouldn't come to life once cooked, but the tide-turning in films like "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes" makes sense. Revenge is a dish best served by pissed-off culinary ingredients if you ask for the right genetically-altered piece of produce.
21. A Pool
Examples: Night Swim
"According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, 390 deaths a year on average are attributed to drowning in a swimming pool or at a spa." Honestly, not as many as I'd guess. Still, pools are inherently dangerous depending on the circumstances, so it's not a shock to imagine one as a horror movie killer. The whole wishing-well aspect of "Night Swim" helps the concept stay stranger than fiction, but let's not pretend like we're shocked that a body of water could claim victims.
22. Plants
Examples: Little Shop of Horrors, The Ruins
Venus fly traps eat insects, so why wouldn't a gigantic plant eat people? Audrey II is a "Mean Green Mother from Outer Space," but for the sake of this list, it's a blood-slurping, man-eating monster. The vines in "The Ruins" are a more textbook-rooted killer, suffocating tourists who stumble upon a Mayan temple. Mother Earth strikes back and all that — makes sense to me. We can only destroy our planet for so long before something fights back.
23. A Lawnmower
Example: Blades
"Golf – a game of hooks, slices and ... slaughter." Yes, a killer lawnmower stalks a golf course and hunts down everyone from caddies to pros. It's everything you'd expect from a Troma release based on a sport, in that the sport itself is merely an entry point for a ridiculous killer object. It's reported that lawnmowers cause 85,000 injuries a year in the United States, and while none of them probably involve evil lawnmowers, it still makes something like "Blades" somehow more believable than other titles on this list.
24. A Boat
Examples: The Boat
You're adrift at sea with zero chance of returning to land, alone, stranded with no motor and dead winds. Is it just bad luck or a possessed vessel keeping you afloat with no sign of escape? Check out "The Boat" for an excellent take on an evil boat movie influenced by Greek mythology. Boats shouldn't come to life, but if one did, could you really know if it was a nautical mishap or an unthinkable scenario with a self-controlling boat?
25. Elevators
Examples: The Lift, Down
Dick Maas has had his fun as a genre director with a bevy of unique visions, but none are as crazy as his killer elevator movie "The Lift" ("De Lift" in Dutch). Maas is one of the few foreign filmmakers who's been permitted to remake his own film stateside when he nabbed the likes of Naomi Watts and Ron Perlman for his Americanized version "Down" (retitled "The Shaft" for home release). Elevators are essentially metal death traps we pray to work flawlessly every ride, so why not prey upon our paranoias by zapping the elevator cars alive? Maas cornered the market on killer elevator movies, for now.
26. Security Robots
Examples: Chopping Mall
The threat of artificial intelligence grows more relevant by the day, so it's hard to be surprised by movies like "Chopping Mall." You mean to tell me the robots we programmed to serve and protect could possibly fritz and do the opposite? You don't say. It's almost like our desire to play God, and our egotistical belief that humanity will always dominate could be our downfall eventually. We created the machines, we wired them to kill — we're asking for trouble.
27. A House
Examples: Margaux
It's arguable that A.I. should be the culprit here, but a house is still doing all the killing. "Margaux" takes the idea of smart houses controlled by artificial intelligence (voiced by the actress behind Siri) and shows what happens when the home outsmarts its dwellers. Victims are killed in various rooms, whether getting a massage or swimming outside. Margaux uses whatever household items she can, which helps sell the killer house dynamic. She's the one who controls the garbage disposal, the pool cleaner, and the workout equipment. She is the house, and you don't want to make her mad.
28. A Mirror
Examples: Oculus, Mirrors, Mirrors 2, Into the Mirror
Mirrors already have a rich mythology of sinister associations. Saying "Bloody Mary" into a mirror, the whole seven years back luck thing, the belief that mirrors are doorways into another dimension, yadda yadda. Horror storytelling doesn't need to do much convincing when turning reflective panes evil, so it's not really all that strange. Would you be shocked if you were looking in a mirror and your likeness waved back? I wouldn't, so yeah, not that strange! Mirrors are magic I don't want to tamper with!
29. Video Games
Examples: Stay Alive, Choose or Die
Video games don't kill people, despite what mothers, politicians, and pundits might want society to believe — except in horror movies. Something like "Stay Alive" is such a clever concept, playing against our solo-player fears when gaming in silence. I've played games like "Dead Space" and "Resident Evil" in dark basements too often not to understand the paranoia that comes with complete virtual immersion, because I'm jumping off the couch when a random noise creeks a room over. That's why "Video Games" beats the heck out of board games.
30. Elf on a Shelf
Examples: The Elf, Elves
Elves on shelves are the creepiest Christmas decorations; those are just facts. Y'all know their purpose is to spy on us all December, report back to Santa's workshop, then pick a new perch the next night? I don't trust 'em, nor does the reinvention of an evil elf on a shelf make me bat an eye. It makes perfect sense to me!
31. Songs
Examples: Deathgasm, Studio 666
Many cultures bang drums and chant rituals as a means of summoning something from beyond, which is the same as a cursed song. Concepts around doomed musical sequences are a transfixing delight because music routinely accompanies acts of blasphemy. Think about cult mantras, incantations, or any kind of instrumental usage during rituals — rhythms help coax out the unruliest beasts. Music is such a powerful medium, able to make us feel deep emotions and forget about our problems. Who says music can't also be harnessed for evils when its magical healing effects are evident?
32. Dolls
Examples: Child's Play, Dolly Dearest, Dolls, Puppet Master, Goosebumps
One of my earliest pieces for /Film back in 2017 was a first-hand account of how I conquered my fear of Chucky and became the horror fan I am today. Something about a killer doll seems perfectly rational. It did when I was an impressionable boy who would have panic attacks just at the sight of a Chucky doll, and it still does as a more rational adult who periodically checks on the placement of his life-size Chucky doll on display (just in case). It's the bastardized innocence that makes killer dolls such an obvious and understandable choice as a horror antagonist, forever and ever.
33. Cars/Trucks
Examples: Christine, Maximum Overdrive
At one bygone point, the image of self-driving cars would be a fantasy concept. In reality, we're already living in a period where Tesla and other carmakers are openly testing their iterations of self-driving vehicles. Sure, neither "Christine" nor "Maximum Overdrive" are artificially intelligent road-rulers — but they give the same visual. I mean, Teslas on autopilot have been responsible for multiple deaths, and yet "innovators" like Elon Musk are still barrelling forward toward a driverless future. Like I've said a few times on this list, humanity deserves its fate and when I'm run down by a killer car someday, I'll just remember why cars and trucks are my least strange of all the horror genre's strangest killers.