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Hope everyone is having a pleasant Saturday afternoon. Writing this latest Uwe Boll item poolside recalls the floater scene in Caddyshack, so let’s make it short and easy. Next weekend, Boll’s Postal, based on the “shocking” videogame, was set to open against Spielberg’s Indiana Jones, but its domestic theatrical roll-out has been greatly reduced from 1,500 screens to five (or less, depending on where you look). Slashfilm received a press release (is that Boll’s personal email? LOL.) in which Boll cites a conspiracy launched by exhibitors (the government?) to counter his film’s “infuriating” imagery, like that above. Keep in mind that a Dubbya doppleganger was just seen lacing joints with coke in Harold and Kumar 2, so Boll’s conspiracy claims are typically unfounded and shitrageous…

“Theatrical distributors are boycotting Postal because of its political content,” says Boll. “We were prepared to open on 1500 screens all across America on May 23rd. Any multiplex in the U.S. should have space for us, but they’re afraid. We have even tried to buy a few screens in New York and Los Angeles, and they won’t let us even rent the theaters! I urge independent exhibitors to contact us and book Postal! Audiences have been expecting the film and I don’t think exhibitors should censor what gets played in U.S. theaters.”

Postal boasts a few respectable names like Jason Reitman’s go-to man, J.K. Simmons, TKITH‘s Dave Foley and far less respectable names like Verne Troyer and Uwe Boll. Peter saw the flick a while ago and said it wasn’t Boll’s worst offender, which is sort of like saying, “Grandma had a good day today.” It’s pretty bad when Boll’s films don’t even flop anymore, they just crawl onto Slashfilm pre-release and cease. So, pay your quick condolences and then continue exploring Liberty City.

Discuss: RIP Postal. The Boll petition has over 250,000 signatures.

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