Ladies and Gentleman, we finally have a chance to rid the cinematic world of a cancer. Uwe Boll, the German director behind such horrid video game adaptations as House of the Dead, BloodRayne, Dungeon Siege and Postal, has recently admitted that he would retire from making movies if enough people want him to stop. When FearNet mentioned to Boll a petition online signed by 18,000 people requesting that he cease making films, Boll responded that “18,000 is not enough to convince me.” So how much would be enough?
“One million,” Boll said. “Now we have a new goal.”
Indeed, now we have a goal. All we need is 980,000 more signatures on this petition and we can rid the world of future Boll-directed/produced cinematic atrocities. as my friend Scott Weinberg on Cinematical points out, Tunnel Rats, Far Cry, Zombie Massacre and BloodRayne 3 are already in production. So we might not be able to stop those productions. Be we just might have the ability to prevent a BloodRayne 4 or House of the Dead 3. So sign now!
Sign the Stop Uwe Boll Petition Now
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Uwe Boll may not be the most popular director out there today.
Uwe Boll might not be the most innovative director out there today.
But one thing you can not deny is that Uwe Boll is an absolute GENIUS!
Boll has announced his sinister plans to release Postal on May 23rd, going head to head against Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Boll has declared war against Steven Spielberg:
“On the Indiana Jones weekend – May 23 – we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up – would Michael Moore say!”
“Spielberg gets sloppy. We saw that with War of the Worlds (why the fuck the older brother survived?) and also in parts of Jaws, E.T., Munich etc.! My performance in Postal as ‘Nazi Theme Park Owner’ outperforms easily Ben Kingsley in Schindler’s List!”
This move will likely have a HUGE impact on the Indy 4’s bottom line. I hear that Paramount is terrified and is already discussing options to move Indiana Jones to another date, to avoid competition from Boll’s latest masterpiece. </sarcasm>
Discuss: Can Steven Spielberg even hope to compete against Uwe Boll at the box office?
Fanboys’ favorite ubermensch of suckage, Uwe Boll, may have directed his l-a-s-t big budget theatrical travesty with this past weekend’s $70 million In the Name of the King: Dungeon Siege Tale. The Jason Statham and Burt Reynolds (!) vehicle grossed a mouthwatering $3 million over the weekend, but apparently did “okay” in, drumroll, Boll’s home country of Germany.
“Because of the Boll reputation, it is not easy to get audiences into the cinemas,” Mychael Berg, head of distribution at 20th Century Fox in Germany, told the Hollywood Reporter. “We finally managed it, and we are quite satisfied with the abut 250,000 people who watched the movie (in Germany). We proved that you can make money with a Boll film.”
That might be the first time I’ve ever heard a distribution head publicly apologize for a director’s rep, outside of the porn industry. Hilarious! All cherries are popped sooner or later, I guess. The usually unflappable Boll, whose filmography includes videogame flicks like Bloodrayne 1 & 2 and Alone in the Dark, even sounds like he knows his number is up.
“In the future, I will focus on small films such as (the video game adaptation) ‘Postal’ or (the Vietnam war drama) ‘Tunnel Rats,’ ” Boll said. “These are films that represent my true passion, and they can be done with small budgets.”
Bring on the “passion,” I say. But the real reason for the end to Boll’s inexplicable employment is due to Germany banning tax shelter funds, from which Boll’s pricey Planet 9s were backed. From here on, he’ll have to play the Hollywood game straight-up. I checked his IMDB entry to bathe in his failure…but wait! It lists a $35 million movie coming out in 2010 called Legend: Hand of God from the director’s usual Freestyle Releasing (The Illusionist, Beer League), as well as a slew of others flicks like Zombie Massacre. Somewhere the Dr. Claw of genre films pets his feline and laughs loudly into the night!
I think most of the video game companies have come to the realization that selling film adaptation rights to Uwe Boll is a bad idea. Boll, who snapped up the rights for quite a few video game properties years back, has become one of the most hated people (probably only next to Jack Thompson) amongst the video game community. Well apparently some video game companies have yet to learn. Arrow in the Head reports that Boll has acquired rights to an unreleased action roleplaying game, Legend: Hand of God.
“I think Legend will be very successful because of its unique blend of high fantasy and dark atmosphere. The world of Legend contains major crossover potential and was already adapted as novel and audio book” says Boll from the set of Far Cry, which he currently works on in Vancouver with Til Schweiger, Ralf MÃ¶ller and Udo Kier.
I met with Boll a couple months back for an interview which will run with the release of Postal. I went into the interview looking to play hardball and ask all the questions the online community wanted to know. But I came away from the whole experience feeling bad for the man. He doesn’t seem to understand that his films are bad. He thinks that Hollywood has brainwashed America and that’s why people don’t like his films. Yeah…. that’s why.
Somehow, someway, Boll keeps getting the funding for these releases which usually tank at the box office, and do minimal business on DVD. It seems to me that the man has lost tens of millions for his investors thus far.
Boll expects to shoot Legend with a $40 million budget in 2009. The game will be released in the United States early next year.
Uwe Boll is known for creating some of the worst movies of all time out of video game adaptations (Alone in the Dark, BloodRayne, House of the Dead). We now have a look at the first trailer for Boll’s latest: POSTAL.
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