Until we know who’ll really get to direct the new Star Wars, there’s no harm in fantasizing about people who clearly won’t, right? On a recent episode of Conan, the late-night host imagined what a Star Wars VII directed by Wes Anderson or Todd Phillips might be like. After seeing them, I have to say, I’m almost sorry that neither of them are actually up for the job.

Meanwhile, you can add Steven Spielberg and Quentin Tarantino to the “I’m good, thanks” list, and Kevin Smith shares his hopes for the new trilogy. Hit the jump to continue reading.

First off are the two “audition tapes” Conan O’Brien presented for Phillips and Anderson. I’ll say this much — no one could accuse these versions as being more of the same old same old. First, here’s Phillips’ take (or rather, what O’Brien thinks Phillips take would be):

Even better, here’s Anderson’s Star Wars. Naturally, its subtitle is A Life Galactic:

But it’s not just the obvious mismatches who are being ruled out of the running. Spielberg, whose name popped up on many a fan’s director wishlist after news of Star Wars VII broke, has denied any interest in helming. This is despite news earlier this week that Michael Arndt‘s treatment had made its way to Spielberg’s desk, among others.

“No! No!” Spielberg responded when Access Hollywood asked whether he might take over at the helm. “It’s not my genre. It’s my best friend George [Lucas]‘s genre.”

Less surprising is Tarantino’s lack of interest. A family-friendly tentpole franchise isn’t really his usual wheelhouse, after all. In case you still had your hopes up, though, you can put them to rest.

“I could so care less,” the filmmaker told EW. “No, sorry. Especially if Disney’s going to do it. I’m not interested in the Simon West version of Star Wars.” Not sure what the random Simon West knock is about, but the rest of his statement seems crystal-clear. Well, assuming he meant “could so not care less” instead of “could so care less.”

Finally, Smith isn’t likely to make the VII director shortlist either, but as a lifelong fan he has some very passionate feelings about the new trilogy. In a touchingly personal essay, the Clerks director talked about what the film series meant to him growing up, and his ideas for “a Boba Fett time-travel flick.” Head over to THR to read the full post.

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