Michael Bay quotes Pain and Gain

I love Michael Bay. I unironicly think he is a great artist. And from everything I’ve read, heard and even personally seen, I think he’s a hilarious person. He’s almost like an exagerated cartoon character version of what you might expect. Sometimes I think he plays into the persona, that his behavior can be an act.

For instance, when I was on the set of Transformers: Age of Extinction, Bay filmed a huge explosive action sequence as uninvited onlookers watched from nearby buildings and parking garages. They applauded after the take and Bay addressed the crowd with his megaphone: “You guys think you’re going to wait up there and be in my movie? You’re gonna get digitally erased!” Was he joking?  

Actor Rob Corddry has spent way more time with the filmmaker than I have at various junkets and set visits, and decided to compile a list of funny and crazy Michael Bay quotes during the filmmaking of Pain & Gain. Read that list and more after the jump.

Rob Corddry in Pain & Gain

I’m a big fan of the Howard Stern Show. Recently Sirius XM aired a special called JD’s Directors Special which followed Stern Show staffer JD Harmeyer as he interviewed filmmakers during this past year’s Comic Con. While JD is often ridiculed as being a mumble-mouthed on the air, these interviews were pretty great. The guests were more laid back than you normally get in press interviews, maybe partly because they are fans of the Stern Show. And JD, who went to film school, actually knows his stuff.  Another reason the interviews on the special are good is because JD is not a professional interviewer and would often ask questions that you probably normally shouldn’t, resulting in some truly great answers.

One segment in particular I wanted to highlight was JD’s interview with Rob Corddry, best known as a comedy actor but was also a creator and director of Children’s Hospital. And more specifically, Corddry’s hilarious recollection of working with Michael Bay on Pain & Gain. Its during this segment that Rob Corddry read from a list of quotes Michael Bay supposedly said on the set of Pain & Gain, as written down by the actor and another crew member.

This is how the Michael Bay discussion began as JD asked if Corddry had any bad or horrible experiences working with a director.

“You know what was really interesting? Working with … Michael Bay.”

As you know, Corddry had a role in Michael Bay’s lower-budget character film Pain & Gain, and spent two months working with the filmmaker on it. Corddry gives a bit of flavor of what its like working with the filmmaker:

“So he’s notorious for being difficult, weird crazy. The movies he directs are those kind of movies. He’s intense — I would not want to be on his crew. But I think I have a lot of respect for him because he really demands everyone work at the level he’s working. And he really knows his shit, he’s very good at it. And he’s probably got ADD or something , because he just doesn’t stop.”

Again, I’ve seen this in person. Joke all you want about Michael Bay but what he accomplishes on the budget he makes films on is incredible. I’ve never seen an entire film crew on their tippy toes like they were on Age of Extinction. There was no one sitting or leaning or looking at their phones. If something needed to get done, it was like an army of ants just ran out from the sidelines and made it happen. There was no resting in between set-ups, as a second unit crew (also directed by Bay) is almost ready for the next sequence while the first unit preps for the sequence after that. Say what you will about his movies but if you saw him in action, you’d be impressed. That said, he is a taskmaster who runs around set sometimes screaming orders and other times even operating camera during a take to achieve his vision.

“And Pain & Gain was an indie film, it was his indie film — it was $30 million or something like that, and that was his indie film. … He told me, ‘I’ll never do it again.’ But he owns like a thousand cameras — they are his own, he doesn’t have to rent them. Thats a couple million right there. A couple million dollars worth of cameras rolling all the time — scenes with six cameras rolling.”

And then Rob Corddry admitted that he wrote down a list of funny and crazy things Michael Bay said while filming the movie.

“I have a list that I collected and then somebody else in wardrobe would write to me after I left. And he literally said these things. Sometimes he’s kind of joking and most of the time he’s not.”

So here is…

Transformers Age of Extinction set pic

Rob Corddry’s List Of Michael Bay Quotes, Supposedly Said During Pain & Gain:

  • An everyday thing, said to an actor: “God damn fucking cocksucker whats wrong with you?!”
  • “Hey watch that light, thats our only Jesus thing-a-ma-jig!”
  • “I’ve done more girls than all of you!”
  • “Guys, if I have to wait more than a minute between shots its too slow!”
  • “Get out of my way, I don’t want to have to yell through you!”
  • “Give me something to wipe the air with.”
  • “If the cameras not ready, we’ll just fucking shoot without it!”
  • Bay said this to an actress playing a stripper: “Are you chewing gum? You can not chew gum! It’s the most unsexy thing you can do when you’re trying to do sexy shit. That’s Michael Bay rule #302!”

Corddry had a much longer list, but those were the eight quotes he chose to read during the interview. The JD Director’s Interview Special is available on demand on the Sirius XM app and website through channel Howard 101.

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