Cool Stuff: Sexy Ian Malcolm is Now a Funko Pop

Ian Malcolm Funko Pop

The greatest Jeff Goldblum moment in movie history – where Goldblum’s Ian Malcolm poses like a glorious, sexy Renaissance painting in Jurassic Park – will soon be available to own in the palm of your hand. A new Sexy Ian Malcolm™ Funko Pop is coming your way. Life, uh, finds a way. See the glorious Jurassic Park Funko Pop below.

This is it, people. We’ve reached peak Funko Pop. I have no idea how the vinyl-toy producing company will ever top this moment, but for now, let us all bask in the heavenly warmth that is this Ian Malcolm Funko Pop.

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It’s beautiful. They should’ve sent a poet. The Dr. Ian Malcolm Funko Pop is just one of a whole slew of Jurassic Park Pops that will soon be available to clutter-up your shelves. There are more, of course: Dr. Alan Grant is there, Jurassic Park CEO John Hammond, a non-sexy Ian Malcolm, and of course, Dennis Nedry, that snack-loving bastard who not only turned the power off in Jurassic Park but also created an annoying screen saver of him saying, “Uh uh uh, you didn’t say the magic word!” over and over again.

But wait, where the hell is the Laura Dern as Ellie Sattler Funko Pop? Are you kidding me right now, Funko? I found this concept art featuring Sattler in a Jeep, but that official figure isn’t included in the Funko announcement.

Laura Dern Funko

Listen, I don’t want to tell you how to do your job, Funko, but if you don’t get around to releasing this Laura Dern Pop, there’s going to be hell to pay. According to Jurassic Outpost, the Ellie Sattler figure will come bundled with the Jurassic Park Jeep, but that doesn’t explain why the Jeep isn’t listed in this line-up. Also: what’s the deal forcing consumers to pay extra for a Jeep in order to land a Laura Dern Funko? I smell a conspiracy, and I won’t rest until I get to the bottom of it. When someone on Twitter rightly called Funko out for their lack of Laura Dern, Funko had a quick reply:

Humans aren’t the only Jurassic Park figures getting their own Pops – there are also a slew of dinosaur figures as well: T-rex, Velociraptor, and Dilophsaurus (and a rare Dilophosaurus chase figure).

But wait, there’s more. There’s also a Dennis Nedry and Dilophosaurus 2-pack available only at Entertainment Earth. This pack features Nedry covered in black goo, because of course it does. Sadly, his piercing, recycled scream as the Dilophosaurus eats him is not included.

Dennis Nedry and Dilophosaurus 2-pack is available only at Entertainment Earth

All of these are great, but the previously mentioned Ian Malcolm is clearly the best of the bunch. That figure will be a Target exclusive; they’re calling it “wounded Dr. Malcolm,” but we all know it’s really Sexy Ian Malcolm™. Don’t play coy, Funko Pops. I’m onto you. Now please, get to work on that Laura Dern/Ellie Sattler figure. And throw in Mr. DNA while you’re at it.

The Jurassic Park Funko Pops! are due in stores in February.

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