This weekend, we posted a story on how Uwe Boll, the “filmmaker” responsible for some of the worst video game movies in recent history, promised to stop making films if one million people signed a petition against him. At the time we posted the story, the petition only had 16,000 signatures. I’m happy to report that our posting was picked up by websites across the interwebs, and the petition now has over 127,000 signatures! So we’re one eighth of the way there.

Uwe Boll is starting to feel the pressure and has released a video statement demanding that his fans start a pro-Boll petition, which he expects a million signatures to counter the Stop Uwe Boll petition.

“Look, I’m not a F**king retard like Michael Bay or other people running around in the business… or Eli Roth making the same shitty movies over and over again. If you really look in my movies you will see my real genius,” Boll said in a video statement. “You have to really wake up and see me what I am, the only genius in the whole f**king business.”

I kid you not, he actually said that. You can watch for yourself in the video after the jump. Sometimes I wonder if Boll is actually this ignorant, or if he’s doing an act for his critics.

Also worth noting, Eli Roth responded to Boll’s negative comment against him, calling it the “greatest compliment ever.”

If you haven’t already, sign the petition to Stop Uwe Boll at this link. Watch the video after the jump.

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Confident female action movie directors with veddy dirty mouths rock. Lexi Alexander (above), the candid director behind Punisher: War Zone, has posted an update for the semi-quiet Marvel reboot on her tidy official site. She informs that the film was screened for studio brass this month, that it went reasonably well, and she seems cool with the flick now moving from its original September 12th release to December 5th.

Ms. Alexander on the “studio experience”…

“Well, thank God [the screening] went well and, although I’ll probably have to compromise on a few minor notes, it’s not nearly as bad as some of my filmmaker friends predicted it would be. I guess I got away with an actual okay studio experience (knocking on wood since it’s not quite over yet).”

And her NSFW thoughts on Frank Castle (played by Rome‘s Ray Stevenson, above right with his stunt double) now raining/reigning blood during the jolly holidays; she includes a nice shout to the comic book/action fans rah-rahing for a hard R-rating (the kids are getting restless)…

“[The studio] also moved our release date to December 5th, which is, according to my reps, a much, much better date. I myself would have thought that people will think twice about going to see an extremely violent movie the closer it gets to Jesus’ B-day, Hanukkah or Kwanzaa or whatever other holy holiday you’re celebrating. Well, the box office records prove different and instead, all you sick fucks get more blood thirsty that time of year. (And I say that with lovingly affection, cause I’m relying on all the sick fucks to show up).”

We haven’t seen much at all from the latest Punisher, but I really like Alexander’s attitude thus far. She just kinda gives ‘r and if I had to choose, after being strapped to a lawn chair, between watching Punisher: War Zone or the similar Max Payne (which is rumored to be going PG-13: Rockstar Games, wassup with that?) 100 times in a row, I’d choose the former off loony intuition. Crush much?

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“Keep deleting my comments about laser cats Slashfilm. Keep deleting ‘em.”

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Can I just say that I could not stomach the marketing for another movie, let alone a trilogy’s worth, where Orlando Bloom massages a meticulously groomed goatee while having a sword fight? Gracias. Thankfully, Latino Review reports via numerous anonymous sources that an offer has gone out to Jake Gyllenhaal for the lead in Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer’s summer 2009 golden egg Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. Their tip arrives as yesterday’s rumor that Bloom had signed a $40 million deal to star in the franchise was dismissed by Slashfilm’s brothers from another Film School Rejects.

The entire Bloom rumor seemed so out of whack that we held out reporting it, especially since it pegged Jerry Bruckheimer to direct instead of produce. Director Mike Newell (Donnie Brasco, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire) has been attached for quite a while, and it seems nothing has changed.

Gyllenhaal’s peers all have franchises in the can or on the way, and while he’s not the obvious choice for the adventure video game adaptation (who remems playing it on Turbo Duo?), he definitely adds legitimacy like Depp did for POTC. Latino Review goes on to parlay Hollywood jogging encounters with Mr. Gyllenhaal and points out that he currently has a bum ankle from basketball. Point being: Can Jake’s lil’ ankle heal in time?!?! Hahah. More on this as it develops…

Discuss: A goatee’d Gyllenhaal fighting a mystical sand storm for three films: could Prince of Persia be the next POTC?

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We haven’t yet received clarification regarding the apparent removal of Brandon Routh‘s vampire role in The Informers, but Bloody Disgusting reports that the Superman Returns actor is a lock for the lead role in an adaptation of the supernatural comic book Dylan Dog. Director Kevin Munroe, who helmed the rather abysmal TMNT for Imagi, has apparently left the animation company and Weinstein Co.’s Gatchaman to envision a live-action feature based on this Italian comic. Dark Horse Comics brought an English version of the title to the States beginning in 1999.

First impression? The film, which begins shooting in July, might share some similarity with Constantine, in that the comic revolves around a loner paranormal investigator (zombies, Jack the Ripper-types, strange portals) who has an eccentric litany of personal troubles (hopeless romantic, former alcoholic, various phobias). Many of Dog’s cases turn up a human underbelly rather than spooky kookiness appropriate for Coast to Coast AM. This will mark the second time that Dylan Dog has made his way to the screen; he appeared in alter-ego form in the likable 1994 cult film Dellamorte Dellamore aka Cemetery Man starring Rupert Everett (who is said to have originally inspired the character’s look).

Personally, I’m a sucker for this kind of premise like I am for a raunchy road movie. And Routh deserves a cool rebound after scoring one of American cinema’s mega-star roles only to experience Singer’s epic vision hit its mark like a frog with one leg. On the other hand, Munroe still has something to prove. More on this project as it develops…

Discuss: First impressions of a Dylan Dog movie? Fans of the comics, chime in below.  

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“Slide to the left, now slide to the right.”

The Internets today: Tom Cruise‘s career is on life support, yadda yadda. Is the Internets correct? I’m not fond of talking about Tom Cruise around the water cooler, but I’d say the Internets are wrong. Does that make me a relevant revolutionary? United Artists, which is headed up by Cruise and Paula Wagner, has pushed back the release date for Bryan Singer‘s expensive kill-Hitler flick, Valkyrie, from October ’08 to February 13th, 2009. Yes, that means Tom Cruise will battle Jason Voorhees. Amazing.

This marks the second calendar move for the poorly buzzed and semi-mocked war film. Previously, Valkyrie was set for a release this June, but when the original trailer–which lacked the kinetic action of a summer blockbuster and memorably showed Cruise as an eye-patched Nazi who talks like a Santa Cruz sensimilla dealer–bombed the film suddenly became a “prestige picture.” Fall called. Now President’s Day Weekend calls. Here’s what MGM’s distribution president, Clark Woods, had to say to The Hollywood Reporter

“When an opening became available for Presidents Day weekend, we seized the opportunity. Having seen a lot of the film and how great it is going to play once it’s finished, moving into a big holiday weekend is the right move.”

Over at The Hot Blog, David Poland speculates that Cruise will rev up Mission: Impossible 4 for a start in September in order to get a sure thing in the basket. Poland doesn’t give specifics but says he’s 90% sure that M:I 4 will happen. Really? Given how poorly M:I 3 did domestically, I can’t imagine Cruise resorting to Ethan Hunt for the save. Peter disagrees, but I think Cruise should follow-up his cameo in Ben Stiller’s Tropic Thunder, which has great w.o.m., with another comedy. Hardy Men with Stiller needs to happen, stat. After Lions For Lambs (which cannot be blamed on The Cruise, it was a terribly marketed talk-fest war film) and Valkyrie (which clearly has identity issues), I really don’t think audiences want to see this guy in another serious role.

The only way for Cruise to avoid more stabs from Perez Hilton’s ilk, boisterous Scientology haters and the Net’s endless celebrity career strategizers is to take aim at the very notion that it’s getting to him. Showing American audiences how fast The Cruise can sprint from million-dollar missiles is not going to prove anything at this point.

As for Valkyrie‘s new date, I think it’s actually smart. It meets expectations for the film, and while February is considered a dead zone, The Wolf Man and The Pink Panther 2 were formerly parked there. When it comes to marketing, the main thing with Valkyrie is “what in the hell is it?” At this point, it just needs to be entertaining and not accidentally hilarious. If it flops during Valentine’s Day, there will be less eyes and less surprise.

Discuss: Do you think M:I 4 will happen? Would Cruise be better off following-up his Valley Nazi with Hardy Men or even Risky Business 2? Is it action film or bust at this point?

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Boo! in a duel sense. Bloody Disgusting reported over the weekend that Legendary Pictures has screened their nicely buzzed Halloween-themed anthology flick, Trick ‘R Treat, in hopes of picking up a new distributor. According to STYD, Warner Bros. (Where the Wild Things Are, ahem) has categorically removed the film from its 2008 schedule for theatrical and home entertainment releases after pushing the film off its original October ’07 release date. What gives?

Not only is the film a much needed shot of original horror in a time of glossy mall-kid remakes (Prom Night, April Fool’s Day) and sequels (Saw, TCM), but it boasts respected, recognizable faces (Anna Paquin, Dylan Baker, Brian Cox) and tested through the roof with fanboys. AICN has loudly championed writer/director Michael Dougherty‘s film for practically ages now. Moreover, mainstream awareness was boosted by the inclusion of a Trick ‘R Treat trailer attached to DVDs of 300. There is speculation on the Nets that an Idiocracy-like situation has gone down, but there’s no evidence as of yet.

The latest release date was set for October ’08, which was a no-brainer. “If It’s Halloween, It Must Be Saw” is the old dude in the club. Warner Bros. had a great opportunity to build a franchise and new moviegoer tradition with this real estate, and a new Creepshow would be next levs. Let’s hope Legendary finds a proper replacement. More on this as it develops…

Discuss: Are you aware of Trick ‘R Treat? If so, what have you heard? Why do you think Warner Bros. put the kibosh on it?

Ladies and Gentleman, we finally have a chance to rid the cinematic world of a cancer. Uwe Boll, the German director behind such horrid video game adaptations as House of the Dead, BloodRayne, Dungeon Siege and Postal, has recently admitted that he would retire from making movies if enough people want him to stop. When FearNet mentioned to Boll a petition online signed by 18,000 people requesting that he cease making films, Boll responded that “18,000 is not enough to convince me.” So how much would be enough?

“One million,” Boll said. “Now we have a new goal.”

Indeed, now we have a goal. All we need is 980,000 more signatures on this petition and we can rid the world of future Boll-directed/produced cinematic atrocities. as my friend Scott Weinberg on Cinematical points out, Tunnel Rats, Far Cry, Zombie Massacre and BloodRayne 3 are already in production. So we might not be able to stop those productions. Be we just might have the ability to prevent a BloodRayne 4 or House of the Dead 3. So sign now!

Sign the Stop Uwe Boll Petition Now

Charlton Heston is Dead

Charlton Heston

Academy Award-winning actor Charlton Heston died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 83 with his wife Lydia at his side. The cause of death has not been released, although the actor had been diagnosed with symptoms similar to those of Alzheimer’s disease. Heston’s filmography included: Ben-Hur, El Cid, The Omega Man, The Big Country, Touch of Evil, The Ten Commandments, Soylent Green, Earthquake, The Greatest Show on Earth, The Greatest Story Ever Told, Planet of the Apes, Beneath the Planet of the Apes, Treasure Island, The Colbys, and Dynasty. He will be missed.

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