What did this review have to do with Star Trek? I mean, you didn't even mention Captain James (Tiberious) Kirk! How can you review The PFrantom Menace without mentioning Kirk,; the central character? Weak cheese, my friend, weak cheese. Gott'a go tend my garden... a finger is showing... "Is that YOU, Johnny?"...

Star Wars, you dumb fuck. Star Wars. James T. Kirk is Star Trek.

It must be difficult to comprehend that two movie franchises about space both have the word 'star' in the title without actually being the same movie.

Very funny.... Sad that someone would think Empire Strikes Back is boring ( same people who think Alien is boring too). It's the best of the series. A new hope is a classic, however ESB is grittier, which is awesome. Jedi and it's teddy bears as well bad acting is the weakest of the first films....

BTW, the only thing that sucks is, that narration sounds like a hick with his fingers jammed up his nose. It's annoying; as Jar Jar is annoying. You should create a new track, with good narrator, cause this is worth it.....

@ Really? - Totally agree. While not as bad as the Star Wars prequels, the new Star Trek film was also terrible. Wish he'd do a review on it, but I'm shocked how many people actually think that movie was good. What is our world coming to?

You'll be suprised to hear that this guy did show his thoughts on ST'09, not in review-form though.

The conclusion, IIRC, was "that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be". See? It helps to research before making comments about things.

It's ironic that someone associated with Star Trek would point this review out since half of the problems with Ep 1 are also in Star Trek (2009). ST 2009 is not as bad as Ep 1, but it did have the worst movie villain ever and back to back, horrible explication scenes because of the bad story telling. I was disappointed that Mike from Wisconsin couldn't apply this same critical eye to Star Trek.

nice one..

just finished it for a second time, would love to see him go off on the other 2, amazingly he filled 70 minutes and didn't even focus on the obvious flaws very much - Jar Jar could be it's own 10 minute segment, I also think Darth Maul was catastrophic - the raw material was there to pull off the impossible, have a new awesome bad guy follow up to Darth Vader, but Lucas reduced his character to that of errand boy and gave him 1 line, I also think he couldn't have spent too much time on midichloriates - The Force is THE core foundational concept that underpins the entire start wars universe, getting into the science behind it did 3 things 1) explained it poorly, 2) had no baring on the plot whatsoever and it's unclear what Lucas had hoped to accomplish, 3) is the equivelant to proving that santa clause doesn't exist - in one pointless scene he killed the magic of star wards and flushed decades of emotional investment down the toilet

Thanks! I just wanted to have a short look into the review, but than I watched all of it. Better and iore entertaining than the movie itself.
Well done!

This is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time. I actually laughed in my sleep last night because I dreamed about it. I would totally buy this on DVD. I sent a copy to all my friends.

This is a lesson about what happens when too much power is conferred to one individual. Thank goodness our subject is a film director and not a political leader. The smiles and nods from Rick Berman et al reminded me of Goebells et al. Too f*&#ing blinded by the fuhrer's power, or too scared by it, to offer any sensible counter-opinion. Instead they just feed it what it wants and let it grow bigger and bigger.

Faggot.

I really din't want to comment here after I read some of the puerile comments and in fighting others exhibited. Forget the "strange voice", the dungeon scene and all the other humourous diversions. This was a splendid critical dissection of 3 of the worst films to grace our screens. I am an original Star wars fan and I could never understand how I couldnt abide the 3 prequels. Thanks to this man I shall sleep sounder in the knowledge that I was right... and now he has sown me why I was right.

Thank you .

Thanks for posting this. Epic.

Frankly, your review it's the best review I have read in years,
Please, you are right in everything, so don't forget to make a review about the new Battlestar Galactica to show the many mistakes of Ronald D. Moore. Thanks

This has to be one of the most brilliant things I've seen on the Internets. Thank you, Mike from Wisconsin. Brilliant.

It would be far more enjoyable if he didn't talk like Kiesel from the Jerky Boys CDs.

This is the dumbest thing I have ever watched. This moron, and he needs to learn how to speak, sounds like a turd who has been sniffing glue for too long.

Basically, he's telling everybody what they already know.

Sheesh, what next? A 70 minute video where he tells everybody that the sky is blue?

This is goddamn brilliant. There is nothing else to say.

This is more than an extremely insightful piece of movie reviewing, it is a piece of art by itself.

And so many idiots in here starting to go for each others' throats for hairsplitting comments. Get some brains ffs!

lol that was awesome. Great job, Mike from Milwaukee! To George Lucas, we love you still, and I bet even you got a kick out of that review.

I remember opening night of Episode I. I remember the crowds, the excitement, the people dressed up, and how the din of the crowd rose when they announced that seating had begun. While in the theater, 5 minutes before showtime, someone stood up and yelled "HEY EVERYBODY" and the whole theater went dead. He continued "IT'S FIVE MINUTES UNTIL STAR WARS!" and we all screamed our heads off.

By the time the credits were rolling, a defeated legion of fans were shuffling slowly out of the theaters, mumbling to each other in confusion about what it was we just witnessed.

Your all fkn cry babies. Waa George Lucas fked up star wars Waa. Get over it, the movie may be far from perfect but none the less is a very entertaining film. I love how whether it be games or movies, there is always a band of people to jump on the "it sucks" wagon. Grow up and quit bitching.

this review pretty much changed my view on the star wars prequels. I never full understood why people hated the prequels until this revie This was also the best review i have ever saw. This guy needs to review more overrated films (Avatar, Star Trek, Twilight).

Get over your fucking self dude,,,, wow there are a few goofy characters that might be a little corny at times,,,,and oh wtf do you know,,there is CG in the late 90's,,,, It does not ruin this movie,,,,George Lucas' genius shines through in this prequel tale

I was a Star Wars Fan in the days of the first three movies. Even then, Lucas didn't know how to direct actors, but the first move (#IV) was still original and fun. The first sequel also turned out to be great (apart from not having an ending). Lucas seemed to recognize that the fans where into the world he'd created. He made the story and the characters less two-dimensional and threw in a surprise or two. Unlike most every other Hollywood sequel, it was not just a remake of the first movie. Unfortunately, that's the last time he got it right. Episode VI was overtly about wrapping up the loose ends. The teddy bear people were ridiculous, and, although it's great to give a villain redeeming qualities, Jedi Heaven was just a little too neat and tidy.

Fast forward a very long time to episodes I, II, and III. In less than fifteen minutes, it was obvious that the Phantom Menace was terrible. I was so bored that I wanted to leave.

This guy really does understand movie making better than Lucas, as evidenced by his insightful and funny review. I also don't get why folks are put off by the dark humor. When you're doing a review that is almost like a filmmaking class, you'd better add some humor or it will be tedious. It's hardly a distraction.

I didn't see The Phantom Menace until it came out on dvd. Had heard no reviews of it or anything. I loved the first 3 star wars movies so I thought this would be awesome. Then as the movie went on I had no idea what they were trying to do. What was the mission, direction, motivation. I just didn't get it, niether did the friend that was watching it. Now I understand after watching this video that I should have taken a college course in the whole story plot so I would know everything that was going on from beginning to end. Or at least read all the books so I would know. For me it was just going from one scene to another on and on and I had no idea why or what they were doing. Suppose every movie was like that. "We are going to see Avatar tonight." You say "Oh, I didn't read the book yet." "Well you can't go then. There is no way you would understand it, you know when they make any movie they do it assuming you read the book and would know what was going on automatically. That is why they never explain things." I now think that is how the whole phantom menace was done. You should just know what was going on. Because of it I never saw the other 2 prequels. However I really liked Avatar, guess that is why Phantom Menace is not higher that Titanic in totally sells which it looks like Avatar is going to beat.

This has to be the most entertaining film review I've ever seen. And I learned a lot too! I will never forget the trick about trying to describe the characters in the new vs. old. That is a great trick!

@ Adam

You are clearly not very smart. Or, as is more likely the case, you are a Prequel fanboy moron whose last defense is to pretend that Star Wars was always a muddled, incomprehensible mess from the start. Either way, you are dead wrong.

I don't have to go in to *why* you are wrong, as that's already been covered in the 70 minute review. Suffice it to say, if a space opera of a battle between good and evil with straight forward plot points and clearly defined heroes, villians and scoundrels set within a framework of triumph, retribution and redemption requires from you to be "able to suspend disbelief on an almost inhuman level", then there is little you comprehend that isn't "Cops". Star Wars isnt Shakespeare, and no one ever said it was, but as far as moviemaking goes, it doesn't get more straight forward that the plotline of Star Wars. Everything that made the originals lovable is completely missing from the Prequels, replaced with endlessly dull choreographed fights scenes and CGI spaceships. If that's your thing and stories confuse and bore you, that's sad, but stop trying to pretend that soulless, computer generated video game movies can compare to anything with an actual plot.

If you hadn't spent most of your post saying I'm wrong, attacking my intelligence, and ironically, calling me a fanboy, you might have had some room left for a good point there, but essentially all you've done is say "I'm a fan of the original trilogy, therefore you can only be wrong by criticizing it," further highlighting my point about people refusing to accept that something they love so much is in fact the product of George Lucas defecating all over them. Okay, so it's "straightforward"... and? Many "straightforward" movies have plot holes. And I like how you forced a conclusion that stories bore me, simply because I said that the only enjoyable parts of Star Wars have nothing to do with the story. Logic fail.

Funny. But you weren't really the focus of the entire thing, so get over yourself. And you are still wrong. One does not have to like the original trilogy to understand that the story is straightforward, something you seem to regard as a mythical state, or inappropriate as a description of the original trilogy storyline. But rest assured, despite your claims, that any rational moviegoer will agree that the plot of the original series is straightforward, with a linear progression of events leading to an ultimate conclusion. Plotholes, what there are in the original, are inconsequential because the whole of the story holds together extremely well. The problem with the Prequels is not plotholes, but a plot that consists entirely of holes. Not only does the storyline (if you can call it that) of the Prequels make no rational sense whatsoever, it brutalizes beyond recognition the clearly defined Star Wars universe we were already introduced to and intimately familiar with from the original series. As for the logic fail, you again fail. You quite clearly stated that the original trilogy suffered from a requirement for an "inhuman level" of disbelief. Given the popularity of the original trilogy and the simple fact that fans of the original Star Wars can readily point to the gaping hole of a plot and the ways in which the Prequels violently contradict the original plot and story points, or even that the overwhelming majority of fans can describe quite succinctly the story arc, quite obviously your claim is invalid. Enjoying the original Star Wars does not require an inhuman level of anything relating to the movie going experience. And Star Wars is a problem for you because it has as characters and props robots, light sabres, spaceships and FTL, well again, that's your problem, as millions of people quite obviously have no trouble understanding the story even if it's set in a fantastic alternate reality.

I had to sit through the entire thing to see what all the fuss is about, now I'm bummed out that I'll never be able to get that precious time back. I expected something brilliant, instead I had my ears assaulted by barely intelligible, obnoxious vocals trying to bring down an easy target and missing the mark completely in a 70-minute long fiasco.

First off, Star Wars is shit, period. Anyone who enjoys any of it for the story either likes extremely cheesy shit or is able to suspend disbelief on an almost inhuman level. Remaster it as you will, if the first trilogy had been released today, it would look and sound like a B-movie.

Having said that, while the prequels get a lot more crap than the original trilogy—and I'm going to get flamed for this—it's superior in almost every way. Since we can easily establish (the way the video review attempted to do) that the entire saga is nearly worthless in terms of plot, it follows that anyone who gives a crap about plot may only enjoy Star Wars for its special effects, epic action scenes and fantasy elements, anyway. And guess what, Episode 1 has those on a much larger scale than original 3. In fact, Episode 1 is arguably the best Star Wars movie thanks to the pod racing sequence—the highlight of the entire saga.

I won't go into the reasons why this guy doesn't even manage to put down this film convincingly. The film isn't the issue, it's the fact that people refuse to accept that 3 of their favorite childhood films are actually huge cheesefests, so any new installment is bound to be disappointing after a 20-year gap.

Whilest I can agree to a lot of your points (about Star Wars), I think you missed out on the irony, and on how Mike actually made fun of himself in his review. This points to the relation between the object of the review and the review itself in regards of intelectual value.

"The rapist/serial-killer angle just didn't work at all for me and really took away from the entire experience."

Maybe because it was pretty nasty spoof on people who virulently hate a kid's movie? I wouldn't be surprised if Jett Lucas made this film.

It was interesting, funny and unconvincing. I don't know how more obvious it can be that Darth Vader is the protagonist of the 3-part story. We don't meet him until 40 minutes in the story? We already met him in A New Hope. Honestly, if you can't tell me who the protagonist of the PT is--whoo boy!

I also don't agree that the saber duel in TPM was meaningless. The meaning is in the music 'Duel Of The Fates' -- it signifies the re-emergence of the Sith, a contest for control of the Force, with the fate of the galaxy at stake.

Yeah, Lucas was definitely bored with the art of directing in TPM and didn't even show up to direct AOTC. But I don't want to be anything like 'Mike' the narrator of this review -- who I think is being spoofed by the filmmaker even as he makes some interesting points about film-making. As the review points out again and again: the movie was made for kids. Who complains about the existence of a kiddie park at Coney Island? The type of person who is haunted by talking cheese puffs, that's who.

brilliant. i recently had a 6-hour long conversation about all of the plot holes in the prequel trilogy (during the second half of a texas-florida roadtrip, with a broken radio), and we barely touched on the issues covered in this docu. only goes to show the plot is hole-ier than the virgin mary...or my underwear. its almost as if lucas never re-watched the original trilogy, and forgot the entire story. i.e. the fact that Obi Wan was supposed to be YODA's apprentice...not Qui Gon Jin.

just my $0.02

This is an amazing review! Right on the money and exceptionally funny at that. Love the part about Qiu - Gon Jinns bet. I think I rewinded the actual scene like seven times in hopes to understand wtf was going to happen. (And why??) Why do they even care about Anakin? He's just a brat with no actual part in the plot.

Again - Brilliant, amazing, delightful!

I truly cannot understand why we as human beings feel the need to waste so much time over such a unimportant topic. I think its important because I grew up with Star Wars, it was my life between 5-14 and then 18-25 and I loved it. This review TOTALLY sums up SWTPM! My complete respect for Lucas dissolved in 1999 or whenever it was, it'a like Micheal Bay took over the franchise or something. When you have an analysis of the movie like this you simply cannot deny that it is an absolute sell out. The fact is there WILL not be many 5 year olds passionately harping on about TPM in 20 years time simply because it is such a pile of shite!
Personally I think Lucas stopped smoking pot shortly after SWIV and surrounded himself with bunch of sober yes-men. Does anyone know if the Flux-capacitor exists? Can anyone erase episodes 1-3 out of history?

George Lucas enabled Michael Bay

Lucus should be forced to watch this on loop for the rest of his life.

I don't know who this guy is but he's a fucking god in my eyes. Best thing I've seen in months. And the fact that he has me using words like prequel and genius in the same sentence is a fucking achievement. All hail. It also make me want to re-sharpen my blades for when I eventually catch that fat cunt Lucas.

Thank you for an excellent summary. Wonderful and correct!

Totally genius--I learned so much! The misogyny sucks, though. VIOLENCE TOWARDS WOMEN ISN'T FUNNY.

Yes it is, you white knight. If done right anything is funny and I'll laugh at anything no matter how much it offends your delicate sense of morality and taste. As long as it's done right, anything can be funny.

It got me thinking.... I wonder if one day some clever, talented Star Wars fans could get together make their own version of the pre-episode IV backstory - you know, the one we were all really hoping for. Of course it couldn't be released commercially. Maybe it would be an animation film or somesuch. Just not shit.

All of the creatures/aliens in TPM was out of whack. For example a 2 headed announcer at the pod race. At the senator council or whatever this fat alien with tusks coming out of the side of it's head. Then needless to mention Jar Jar with his poopy fart jokes to top things off.
Anyways theres also in ep. 3 chewbacca's family/tribe was appearantly all killed by the empire. This was kind of a little too drastic. So you mean to tell me this whole time in the Original trilogy Chewbacca had these deep down drastic reasons to oppose the empire.
also in ep. 3 The emperor's sith face is exposed in plane daylight with no hood or disguise to make it more shady.
And then there's Boba Fett in ep. 2. Originally Boba Fett is a mysterious bounty hunter who says very little and who is a vagabond from who knows where. So now we get to see what Boba Fett's face looks like as a kid. And also his father has direct ties to the core of the empire itsself. Boba Fett was just a rogue bounty hunter just doing some tasks for some money.
So there is my 2 cents on the matter.

yep. i just watched that whole thing and enjoyed it way more than the actual movie. i think i can finally get over the phantom menace now that i know somebody is carrying the torch out there

wow this is more epic then the series.

That said...Give me The Phantom Menace over Ava-fucking-tar anyday...

He sounds somewhat like the inventor of the Chocolate Hot Dog...also a bit like Lorne Lanning.
Hilarious stuff, way better than the prequels.

I've gotta say, I've seen this 3 times now, and I can't stop watching it!