LOL: What if Michael Bay Wrote The Dark Knight?

Posted on Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 at 12:06 am by: Peter Sciretta

What if Michael Bay had written The Dark Knight? Spill.com has “found” pages from this fictional spec screenplay which was “ultimately rejected by Warner Bros.” Here are a couple of the highlights I personally love:

Read the whole thing on Spill.com.

Related Stories

Tags: LOL, Michael-Bay, The-Dark-Knight

Comments

Listen

Comments to “LOL: What if Michael Bay Wrote The Dark Knight?” Feed for this Entry Trackback Address

Toughmm Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 12:18 am

WOW, WOW, WOW!

Sean Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 12:22 am

First part sounds more like a Joel Schumaucher movie.

John Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 12:56 am

I agree. Michael Bay is the new Joel Schumaucher anyway. Too much focus on visuals and not enough on substance.

shora Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 1:01 am

dude.. this script is such an AWESOME display of AWESOME

sooo good
I was rolling from laughing for 5 minutes
sooo good

StarBlazer101 Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 1:12 am

AC/DC rules >.<

Captain Awesome Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 3:08 am

haha, I love all of Bruce’s and Batman’s lines.

Lee Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 4:03 am

“Back in black” - hahahahahaha best line ever.

Thank God Nolan is doing TDK and while Bay is busy inserting as many pop-culture references in Transformers 2 as he can.

Rony Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 5:07 am

“Pyrotechnics erupt in the distance. Guitar solo.”

ha ha. Brilliant.

Jesu Christo Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 5:23 am

I think this is fake, but still funny.

kiki Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 5:28 am

This topic is discussing very hot at ??????www.JSeniorMatch.com??? ??? Some 30+ 40+ 50+ baby boomers like going there for discussing.

Tom Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 5:33 am

You people serious? Of course it’s fake.

BFFredo Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 6:24 am

How could you miss the RACHEL fixing the Batmobile scene?

“RACHEL stretches against the open hood. The camera zooms in on her naked torso. It luxuriates on her toned stomach. Up it goes. Then down. Then up again. Slowly…slowly…Now counter-clockwise.”

Allegory is lost on me…

ANGRY BROOMSTICK!!!!!!!!!! Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 6:24 am

It’s funny but then again, it’s not really funny, Michael Bay is a shiteous “filmmaker” and needs to be wiped off the face of the earth. He is ruining our culture with remakes and sequels.

FUCK MICHAEL BAY!!!!

Sense Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 6:59 am

I have read a lot of Batman in my life and that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever read regarding Batman. Thats probably what all Michael Bay scripts look like. Talk about missing the point, the pentagon??? Stupid Republicans.

Thank the comic gods for not allowing this to happen.

Jamie Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 7:06 am

LOL. I kind of want to see this movie. It’s so ridiculous.

Michael Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 7:07 am

Fake, because its crumpled. How in the hell would all of the pages of a 100 plus page script get crumpled??

Fucking hilarious, though.

Jon Phillips Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 7:34 am

“She is the hottest woman in the world, but she wears glasses because she is also the smartest woman in the world.”

Sounds about accurate.

YoungZe Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 7:36 am

This is clearly fake people, if you doubt that something is wrong with you.

oh no he didn't!! Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 8:14 am

I’m sure this is fake, Michael Bay can’t read and write!!

Meli Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 8:31 am

LoL! my friend showed this to me last night and we had a good
chuckle. Nicely done.

big daddy Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 8:41 am

someone thought this might be real? i dont even have any smart ass comment or anything to say about that, im literally speechless.

vadmspartan Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 8:51 am

I love the part where the general spouts all this mumbo jumbo that makes no sense, the PPD, CCV, etc. Just like any real Bay “movie.”

mkpmedia Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 8:56 am

Ok 1. This script is hilariously awesome and 2. Bay may not be the Oscar winner, but I think he manages to do what he sets out to do. He makes cool chases and action scenes, and doesn’t pretend to be anything else.

LOTNorm Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 8:59 am

I like how the flag is CGI.

Who else gets the eerie feeling Bay actually sits in his lair and really writes mock scripts just like this? A man can dream, Michael… a man can dream…

Vader182 Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 9:11 am

I read this at work, and now laughing quite loudly. Getting weird looks o_O

jproductions Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 9:28 am

Absolutely hilarious! Very Michael Bay. Great fake script. Though if it were Michael Bay he’d add a sweet subtitle like “Revenge of the Bat!”.

Hobbes Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 9:28 am

It’s much like Michael Bay that it’s almost hard to believe it’s fake :P

A Better Class of Criminal Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 9:30 am

As an Agnostic, I find myself thanking Jesus that Chris Nolan directed these films.

dracus Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 10:24 am

Michael E-Bay can’t even write his own name without having his mom check it for him.

Jeff Fyke Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 11:00 am

This can’t be serious. It’s too funny.

790 Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 11:46 am

LMAO !!!!
Man that guy sucks!

you suck Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 12:11 pm

if Michael Bay wrote batman, then Heath Ledger’s death would have been ruled a suicide…

Captain Awesome Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 12:51 pm

Guys this “is” fake. But hilarious nonetheless.

Bat-fan Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 1:09 pm

They forgot to add the Batmobile with spinning rims!

Mike Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 3:08 pm

Gotta be better than what we’re gonna get for real.

Joke or not, I’d watch it!

anon Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 3:10 pm

e-mazingly e-mazing….

BoBo Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 3:52 pm

Don’t forget the extreme facial close-up up with shaky cam + pithy monologue while driving at high-speed shots! A Bay staple… I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees how awful his films are…

BoBo Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 4:03 pm

Hey, LEAVE BAY ALONE! Only HE can be so bold as to direct two movies within one year of each other (Bad Boys & The Rock) and include car chase scenes where BOTH have to avoid a fleet of wheelchair bound paraplegics in a crosswalk! Now that’s fine directing! BAY BLOWS!

Bebop Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 4:49 pm

It’s too perfect to be real. Still incredibly funny when I thought it was real.

Guest Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 10:51 pm

Nice, great way to make fun of someone. Nice going ifilm!!!. Bay would’nt even think of directing this film because its just not his type, as simple as that. What the hell is wrong with people these days, we got Chris to direct award winning epic drama’s like that, and we also got shaky cam, overblown action, with no substance as you people call it, for someone like Bay to take care of. Why do you people feel the need to make every director the same????. Just cause you dont like something, does’nt mean the rest of the world will hate it.

Guest Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 10:52 pm

Sorry I meant to say writing NOT directing, apologies.

790 Says:

July 8th, 2008 at 11:44 pm

Guest, Its real obvious that this is not his type of film, writing or directing.

From what I’ve read “if real” is a pretty good insight to how this man creates his films.
He writes just like he directs. Like a 15 year old kid with power. This is embarassing to read. To think how many talented writers must feel knowing this guy makes millions and has the power to make any story he wants. Its tragic the guys clearly lucky as hell to be where he is.

Guest , I can see your point standing up for him, but (IMO) when you put yourself in the public eye and create products , sometimes the consumers can only explain the distaste for the product by making fun of the creator of that product.
None of us can fire the guy or make him stop.

I think this kind of article is what the internet is all about. Especally this site. /Film kicks ass for printing this.

You think its bad now, have you seen some of his upcoming projects. “Hold on to you ego Bay”.

Ross Says:

July 9th, 2008 at 12:22 am

Wait you forget about the racially charged stereotype. Morgan Freeman should only utter ziggers every five seconds. “Damm!”
“What’s crackin’ Mr. Wayne?” “Off the hook!”

Michael Bay’s films lower IQ’s, cause ADD, and help Axis powers take over the Allie. (Most of it is true expect for the WW2 bit)
I just can not underrstand why everyone was so dumbstruck over Transformers. How come just as much people could have seen No Country For Old Men or There Will Be Blood?

Visit my Transformers Sucks group on facebook for some more lively discussion.

Guest Says:

July 9th, 2008 at 3:32 am

Well, yeah many people will indeed not like the product, but we have to remember, there are many who do. Apart from the critics, there are so many people who like his style of directing movies. I know its crap, but to put down the consumers (even if a small group, but lets face it, there’s a big chunk), will not be fair I think. What I’m trying to say is, we got academy award winning geniuses such as Scorsese, Mann, Scott, Spielberg and Nolan etc. who are considered to be perfection of filmmaking, then on the other hand we got dumb movies from Bay, McG, Emmerich, Tony Scott (with a exception of a couple). Thats why I dont go around the theares yelling to people in the theatre next to me “Hey idiots, what r doin watching this piece of shit, the lot of you, how bout you all shut down the projector, you people make me sick”. See to these people, the way Bay makes a film appeals, and just cause I dont like it, might I feel the need to put them down too?

z Says:

July 9th, 2008 at 5:35 am

This has to be fake.i’m sure Bay is an intelligent man who makes dumb movies for a profit and he would see how this is def. not the Batman film anybody would want to see.

jim Says:

July 9th, 2008 at 3:13 pm

I wouldn’t be at all suprised if this were authentic, as Bay is a mindless douch. Every movie that asshole makes is from the same template.
I know people at the penatgon I’ve got them on speed dial.
Good for you asshole. You want a fucking cookie?
What happened to good directors. Not the shit that spielberg, and lucas put out devoid of any ideas now. Just dollar signs. Look at indiana jones and the plastic skull. Shi labouf is spermburgs new buttboy. That movie was just an excuse to make money. they fired the writer who worked on the fist three. Stating they didn’t need him. Obviously they did.
Transformers sucked. What saved it? megan fox, peter cullen as prime again, and special effects. Otherwise forgettable.
Maybe we’re all jaded, but when you have to keep remaking films as a sure thing instead of new ideas. Hollywood, or fruitwood is in dire trouble.

Brandon Says:

July 10th, 2008 at 10:00 pm

Lol, the full link is hilarious
General: I like it, but which internets do we hack?
Bruce: ALL of them =__=

Comment Now!

Commenting Rules: No hate speech allowed. If you must argue, please debate intelligently. Comments containing selected keywords or outbound links will be put into moderation to help prevent spam. /Film reserves the right to delete comments and ban anyone who doesn't follow the rules. Thank You!

/bloggers

/top_commenters

/search

LOL: What if Michael Bay Wrote The Dark Knight?