“Peace sign or eye gouge?”

Before we begin, there is something you must know about Brett Ratner. Similar to the combination of gremlins and water, when the moon is right and Ratner applies baby powder to his ass, out pop multiple epic-ly shitty movies. Tonight, it was thick. The trades are reporting that Ratner is attached to direct a Beverly Hills Cop 4 starring Eddie Murphy as Mr. Squirrel Axl Foley, the smooth talking, wisecracking character last seen with a gun near a Ferris wheel. Jerry Bruckheimer, who produced the first two, isn’t getting on board, but Lorenzo di Bonaventura (Transformers, Doom) has taken the ticket to see this ride, opening summer 2010, through for Paramount. Something tells me the only thing separating Ratner’s BHC4 from Metro 2 will be a lack of cornrows and, perhaps, Judge Reinhold.

This announcement sumo wrestles with an earlier report in Ad Age about Brett Ratner Brands, a new marketing/consulting firm he’s starting. [Shudder] His first client is Guitar Hero, and tacked on at the end, it says that Ratner mentioned he “might be working on a movie adaptation of the video game God of War” for Sony. I’m sure some of our readers are pissed. The hit vid game adventure franchise has received wide critical/fanboy acclaim for an engrossing and violent storyline/aesthetic entrenched in Greek mythology; it’s generally agreed that GoW has cinematic and box office potential along the lines of Metal Gear Solid. Inside word is that Ratner’s involvement is extremely loose right now, so don’t obsess over the premature mediocre visions that melt inside your head. However, Ratner will definitely be moving into Uwe Boll’s territory in the future. Death match of the lessers!?!

Earlier we reported that Robert Downey Jr. may star as American publishing legend, Hugh Hefner, in a biopic entitled Playboy. Ratner’s been involved with this one for quite some time, and while it’s not official that he’ll direct, it’s generally assumed he will if Downey signs on. Ratner confirms to EW that he’s met with the Iron Man star, they’re both enthusiastic about the project, and it all depends on his response to the script…

“We’re gonna hand him the script very shortly. He loves the character and the role and we’ve been meeting with him on it. So, if he wants to do it, we’re excited to have him. We wanted him before Iron Man so we were ahead of the curve.”

Personally, I think Ratner was born to direct the Hef biopic. Glitzy Hollywood stories and semi-annual Chris Tucker comedies suit him perfectly. Okay, you can put away your ponchos. That’s all the Ratner news we’ll expose you to for now.

Discuss: While we’re at it, why doesn’t Ratner just combine BHC4 and Rush Hour 4? Who’s the audience for Beverly Hills Cop 4 in 2010 anyway? Who should direct God of War? Are we too easy on the guy?

Additional Sources: Cinematical/Film Junk